Silence
Thickchicapes40
Posts: 20 Member
"Silence is a source of great strength". - Lao Tzu
Recently, silence has shown me less than strength and willpower. For a while now, my support on MFP has been dwindling, and now I am finding myself regretting undoing all of the hard work that Ive done. It seems easier to give up, yet it dreadful knowing i can do this, its just at times I choose not to.
I find the silence, lack of support, and lack of friend who truly understand what a struggle it can be to attempt to lose weight. That Ive slowly begun to destroy myself again. i have allowed depression to tear me apart, my inner are torn to shreds, and I am here grasping on what I do have left trying to make sense of all of my poor decisions. Ive done this soo many times, and I find myself coming back to my old ways. Why? Because people lose interest in me, and my drive, and sometimes that's what drives me. I need to find a way to drive past the lack of everyone's interests. It is nice knowing I have people there supporting me when I need them. Yet the silence sinks in, and nobody's there when I need a bit of noise. Friendships tend to be music to my ears,
The silence is slowly killing me from the inside out. I need not to let it break me, but make me into the person I really need to be. For 2013 I have some goals set in place for weening myself from foods that are my enemy. Ive spent most of my life being an emotional eater. Between my parents on and off fights, and kind of being sheltered from a lot of things in life, its kind of made it hard for me to live. I had to grow up really fast towards the middle of my teenage years. Alot has been taken from me, and with that Ive allowed alot of life to be drained from my body. I'm doing what I can to try to undo some of the harm Ive done. I fear how i will look after losing all of this weight. I will have lots of lose skin, I fear how i will feel about myself when I look in the mirror. Most of all, I fear of failing myself completely.
Trying to beat the statistics on my dads side, they're lucky if they make it past their 50's. It scares me knowing I could only have another 20 to 30 years of my life.. I haven't started my family yet, id hate to see my children lose me soo early as I have lost my dad.
Trying to learn to live my life with and without silence.
Recently, silence has shown me less than strength and willpower. For a while now, my support on MFP has been dwindling, and now I am finding myself regretting undoing all of the hard work that Ive done. It seems easier to give up, yet it dreadful knowing i can do this, its just at times I choose not to.
I find the silence, lack of support, and lack of friend who truly understand what a struggle it can be to attempt to lose weight. That Ive slowly begun to destroy myself again. i have allowed depression to tear me apart, my inner are torn to shreds, and I am here grasping on what I do have left trying to make sense of all of my poor decisions. Ive done this soo many times, and I find myself coming back to my old ways. Why? Because people lose interest in me, and my drive, and sometimes that's what drives me. I need to find a way to drive past the lack of everyone's interests. It is nice knowing I have people there supporting me when I need them. Yet the silence sinks in, and nobody's there when I need a bit of noise. Friendships tend to be music to my ears,
The silence is slowly killing me from the inside out. I need not to let it break me, but make me into the person I really need to be. For 2013 I have some goals set in place for weening myself from foods that are my enemy. Ive spent most of my life being an emotional eater. Between my parents on and off fights, and kind of being sheltered from a lot of things in life, its kind of made it hard for me to live. I had to grow up really fast towards the middle of my teenage years. Alot has been taken from me, and with that Ive allowed alot of life to be drained from my body. I'm doing what I can to try to undo some of the harm Ive done. I fear how i will look after losing all of this weight. I will have lots of lose skin, I fear how i will feel about myself when I look in the mirror. Most of all, I fear of failing myself completely.
Trying to beat the statistics on my dads side, they're lucky if they make it past their 50's. It scares me knowing I could only have another 20 to 30 years of my life.. I haven't started my family yet, id hate to see my children lose me soo early as I have lost my dad.Trying to learn to live my life with and without silence.
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