Engagement Party AND Jack and Jill...?

leblanc_kelly88

I'm not familiar with wedding celebrations....but is it normal/acceptable to throw yourself an engagement party and throw yourself a Jack and Jill? [this is NOT me] AND I'm pretty sure a bridal shower will be thrown as well as a bachelorette party....
I have my opinon on it but I want to see what other people think before I voice it.

Windy_

I guess if you have no friends or family it's ok.

_Wits_

I didn't throw "myself" anything...my friends and family did. If they chose to do all those sorts of parties, that's fine..but to plan them yourself? Yeah that seems kind of overdone to me.

perfectingpatti

I think the only way it wouldn't be tacky to throw yourself a party would be if you specified "No Gifts, Please" on the invitation. You can throw a party to announce your engagement and share the event with friends and family without asking/wanting gifts.

_Wits_

I think the only way it wouldn't be tacky to throw yourself a party would be if you specified "No Gifts, Please" on the invitation. You can throw a party to announce your engagement and share the event with friends and family without asking/wanting gifts.

Yes, good point. There is a difference in celebrating your good news and gift whoring.

bokodasu

No? I mean, this is a question?

Also, I have to look up what a "Jack and Jill" is wherever you are, 'cause here it means... uh, something you don't usually throw to celebrate a wedding.

andreanicole686

what the hell is a jack and jill? lol

TylerJ76

what the hell is a jack and jill? lol

Yea, this.

leblanc_kelly88

I think the only way it wouldn't be tacky to throw yourself a party would be if you specified "No Gifts, Please" on the invitation. You can throw a party to announce your engagement and share the event with friends and family without asking/wanting gifts.

Yes, good point. There is a difference in celebrating your good news and gift whoring.

Oh no...they do not put "no gifts please" they want gifts. They dont have a lot of money and they are planning a wedding at a VERY expensive place. Her father is paying for part of it. But she put somewhere she would prefer cash.... The jack and jill tickets cost....plus there is raffles and such apparently. She made it known they WERENT registered anywhere yet at her engagement party.....

My opinion...its all for money and gifts and i do not agree with it one bit. And I already have to be the awful friend who CANNOT afford her bridesmaids dress because I had a surgery in October and need another one in jan/feb and my medical bills are just too high for me to dish out 300+ on a dress, shoes, etc.

xsmilexforxmex

Throwing yourself a jack and jill bothers me. I had never heard of that until I moved to the North East and the whole purpose (from my understanding) is to get money to help pay for the wedding... So the couple uses their money to throw a party to ask for more money but still wants gifts in the rest of the parties they, or other people, throw. It's tacky to me and I don't go to them. This is modern society.. most couples live together already before getting married so they don't need to be showered with gifts save something nice for the money they spent on the wedding and inviting you to it.

parys1

I think the only way it wouldn't be tacky to throw yourself a party would be if you specified "No Gifts, Please" on the invitation. You can throw a party to announce your engagement and share the event with friends and family without asking/wanting gifts.

Yes, good point. There is a difference in celebrating your good news and gift whoring.

These ^^^ are about right.

leblanc_kelly88

what the hell is a jack and jill? lol

Yea, this.

Jack and Jill is a way to celebrate for both of them. Instead of having a Bridal shower which is aimed specifically for the bride and her female friends and family. But there are 'admission' tickets you have to buy....its a way to raise money for yourself.

PS they smoke ciggs and pot often so the money people give them is a joke to me....

leblanc_kelly88

Throwing yourself a jack and jill bothers me. I had never heard of that until I moved to the North East and the whole purpose (from my understanding) is to get money to help pay for the wedding... So the couple uses their money to throw a party to ask for more money but still wants gifts in the rest of the parties they, or other people, throw. It's tacky to me and I don't go to them. This is modern society.. most couples live together already before getting married so they don't need to be showered with gifts save something nice for the money they spent on the wedding and inviting you to it.

The way my mother explained it when I got engaged was that the family memebers throw the party for you. They can spend all their money but any money that comes in goes to the couple. Its a great idea when SOMEONE ELSE throws it for you...not when you throw it yourself....espcially after you threw your own engagement party...

jess7386

Admission tickets to a Jack & Jill? Please tell me the money isn't going to them, but to some sort of charity or something instead.

Also, I absolutely HATE going to bridal showers, so I can't imagine dragging my poor fiancee to something he would hate even worse than me.

We are having a destination wedding, & are putting "no gifts" on the invites, as we know attendance itself is expensive. This just screams wh*ring for money. I think this is one of the reasons our divorce rate is so high, because a wedding turns into an enormous, money-grubbing spectacle, rather than a celebration of love like it's supposed to be.

That wasn't meant to be as cheesy as it sounds!

dayone987

I would pick one to go to and then make sure I had other plans when the other parties etc are happening.

Sarahbara76

what is Jack and Jill ..I have heard of the nursery rhyme and the movie but you can't have a party at ether ........................

NEVER MIND..SOMEONE ANSWERED ..THANKS

lorcart

No? I mean, this is a question?

Also, I have to look up what a "Jack and Jill" is wherever you are, 'cause here it means... uh, something you don't usually throw to celebrate a wedding.

I was thinking...whoa! Well that's a pretty wild "wedding" celebration now! HAHAHAHAHA Glad I wasn't the only one!

AlsDonkBoxSquat

If you don't have anyone to throw it for you, I don't see why you can't throw it for yourself. Generally, however, either someone offers to throw the party for you or you ask someone to do it for you.

I don't know about a jack and jill party.

Pixi_Rex

I had a friend who did a Jack and Jill, they put it all together, didn't accept gifts and the only money they got came from the ticket sales - and even that half went to the food and the other half went to bringing her elderly grandfather out to her wedding - he otherwise would not have been able to come. It was also the ONLY party we had other than her wedding. It was nice, it was a steak night and then we went drinking and dancing.

The couple that did it wouldn't let any of us (their friends) do anything, we all offered but the bride was a bit of a control freak and was worried things wouldn't get done the way she wanted them to.

I think money whoring is horrible, there is NO need to have 3 parties before the wedding.

ravengirl1611

all this is is a cash grab - you arent supposed to be the one holding the parties to begin with - either the jack / jill (also called a stag & doe or buck & doe) bridal shower/ bachelor party - maybe the engagement party - and if you do have an engagement party its just to let everyone know about the engagement and to give everyone a chance to celebrate it with you - no gifts required or expected (or shouldnt be anyway)

Since this couple seems to be out to get everything they can get their greedy little hands on what I would do is attend all of the functions - but there would be no gifts bought (except for the bridal shower / actual wedding) and it would be a gift - no cash!

I've seen other couples like this - a friend of mines sister and her now husband had all the parties - engagment (buy your tickets early) stag & doe (buy your tickets even earlier) bridal / bachelor and wedding - they ended up with so much cash (partially because they both have large families) they ended up paying for their part of the wedding and putting almost 30% down on their freaking new house - they're one of the biggest reasons I stopped giving cash as a gift

I decided a long long long long time ago that IF (and thats a huge IF) I ever were to get married again it will be me and the honey going away somewhere and we might tell you all about it when we got back - already did the huge tada with all the bells and whistles and it didnt last so the next time I'll save the money.

serenapitala

I think the only way it wouldn't be tacky to throw yourself a party would be if you specified "No Gifts, Please" on the invitation. You can throw a party to announce your engagement and share the event with friends and family without asking/wanting gifts.

Yes, good point. There is a difference in celebrating your good news and gift whoring.

↑↑Agreed↑↑

serenapitala

No? I mean, this is a question?

Also, I have to look up what a "Jack and Jill" is wherever you are, 'cause here it means... uh, something you don't usually throw to celebrate a wedding.

I was thinking...whoa! Well that's a pretty wild "wedding" celebration now! HAHAHAHAHA Glad I wasn't the only one!

Now I'm wondering what you guys are referring to.

AlsDonkBoxSquat

what the hell is a jack and jill? lol

Yea, this.

Jack and Jill is a way to celebrate for both of them. Instead of having a Bridal shower which is aimed specifically for the bride and her female friends and family. But there are 'admission' tickets you have to buy....its a way to raise money for yourself.

PS they smoke ciggs and pot often so the money people give them is a joke to me....

If this was it then I don't see a problem with having both an engagement party and a co-ed bridal party (which is pretty much what we did), but the admission ticket thing sounds a little wierd. My mom and aunt threw my engagement party and my sister threw both my bridal party and bachelorette party. I don't think we received gifts at the engagement party, just the bridal party, but I don't recall. The bridal party we started out just the ladies while the men were at another house watching sports and then they joined us after for food and booze.

perfectingpatti

They dont have a lot of money and they are planning a wedding at a VERY expensive place.

Yeah, because this makes sense.

leblanc_kelly88

Thanks for all your responses. I posted this in a fit of....anger....Here is the background


This person has been a friend of mine since she was born. Parents are separated but we were best friends up until college. When I went to college and she started dating people we kind of talked here and there and made it a point to keep friends. My parents and her parents were friends since elementary school so we felt we should do the same!
Ever since she met her Fiance she fell off the face of the earth. Went through rough patches...lived in a house with no power no water just a fire stove - really rough times. they have bounced back and make ends meet.
I don't agree with how they spend their free time - I never go over and visit because their apartment is smoke ridden by ciggarettes and marijuana. I leave smelling AWFUL. When I call her to hang out she can never hang out with me. The one thing that urked me most was i asked her to hang out one day and later that night i ran into her at a bar with one of her friends.
Then she asked me to be in her wedding. Awesome. My childhood friend is getting married and wants me there!! I was confused since I hadnt really talked to her in months...hadn't really shared any of my life events with her in months but okay. Then she had a maid of honor compeition. Well if you don't have someone you want right off the bat why even have one? (just my opnion)
After the inital asking of me being in her wedding we chatted a few times but then a few months went by without talking to her again. Still cant get her to hang out with me. Ive seen her twice since her engagement about....a year ago.
They threw their own Engagement party. no big deal. Ive known people to do that. It was nice to see all of her family again. But again...the activities started and I felt it was the wrong time and place so I left.
That was in July...havent seen her since. She posts all her information on facebook and texts people about the bridesmaid dresses.
Then I got an invitation via facebook about her jack and jill. I instantly thought "oh whos throwing it! what a good idea" ... her name was in the 'made by' section. and in the description it says she and her fiance are throwing it.

Now - on a tangent - my fiance is angered that I even accepted to be in her wedding given the fact that we havent talked or seen each other much in the past 3 years since Ive been with my man. He thinks its 'dumb' that I care so much for some who doesnt give two poops about me. and hes right. But Im the kind of person who doesnt let go...until they do me wrong.

I already told her I'm not sure if I can be in her wedding due to my extensive medical bills and all I got was "okay let me know by the end of the month because I'm recounting" I feel like she does not even care about me being in her wedding and I was just there as a person to make her look good. In all of this I think I am just going to have to not be in the wedding and hope she respects my unfortuante finance situation.....

That was my background...thank you for reading :flowerforyou:

leblanc_kelly88

They dont have a lot of money and they are planning a wedding at a VERY expensive place.

Yeah, because this makes sense.

thank you....Why are you going to have a wedding with 80 people....when the plates are 80 a piece....my fiancne and I are limiting ours to about....40 people....with plates at about 50 a piece at a very nice place...