When you read people's food diaries...

DaveyGravy

...and notice they are really, really under-eating or something, do you feel like you should send them a message to say something about it to try and help/educate them? Someone's diary I saw the other day, they were eating like 800-1000 cals a day with a daily goal of like 3800 after exercise. This actually made me worry cos they must be starving themselves, but I didn't want to be seen to 'interfere' so I just left it.

I wondered if others ever feel they should let people know!

melissaovadare

I have one reason you should leave it....read the thread entitled "Food Diary Cheaters"....it has opened Pandora's Box......I personally think it's sweet for the concern............some others may find extreme offense.........

I sometimes forget to close out my day, or not log dinner, and sometimes not anything on the weekend, so it may seem I don't hit my cals....Oh, my friend....but I do lol!!!!!!!

AnneElise

Is it someone that you have messaged with before and talked to about your weightloss? If so, Yes. Just let them know you are concerned. If you havn't ever messaged them or anything like that I would probably leave it be.

ivykivy

You have some people who've had gastric bypass or lapband or on VLCD's and eat around 800 under a doctor's supervision. You never know their situation. If their diary is public, you may send a note and tell them you are concerned. If they tell you to mind your own business then you know they don't want you advice.

SoldierDad

...and notice they are really, really under-eating or something, do you feel like you should send them a message to say something about it to try and help/educate them? Someone's diary I saw the other day, they were eating like 800-1000 cals a day with a daily goal of like 3800 after exercise. This actually made me worry cos they must be starving themselves, but I didn't want to be seen to 'interfere' so I just left it.

I wondered if others ever feel they should let people know!

Feel free to check me over. I feel stuffed all day but doubt i eat enough....

pannellkat

If they were asking or requesting help and then I looked at their food diary and felt the under-eating might be a cause of their not losing weight, then yes I would probably say something. If I am in someone's diary to get meal ideas and noticed they only ate 800-1000 calories and their calories are now extended due to exercise....I would not mention anything.

What works for you may not work for someone else. Maybe they only did that one day. Maybe they didn't log everything they ate that day.

I feel we are all adults here and there is enough information and links and search engines to find this information on your own AND/OR ask for help if you feel like you need it.

DaveyGravy

You have some people who've had gastric bypass or lapband or on VLCD's and eat around 800 under a doctor's supervision. You never know their situation. If their diary is public, you may send a note and tell them you are concerned. If they tell you to mind your own business then you know they don't want you advice.

That is true - I hadn't really thought about that. I guess I didn't think people with the bypass or lapband would need to count their calories etc.

I haven't actually spoken to the person in question before so yeah best if I leave it I think!

ACarp24

I was in the same situation with someone who added me. I looked at her food diary, and she was eating hardly anything! So I messaged her, I couldn't bare to see someone destroying their body like that and I wanted to help. But I did say in that message that I might be missing something, like she may be eating so little because she had bariatric surgery. Turned out I was just worrying for nothing, she had lap band surgery and can't eat more than about 4oz of food at a time. look at this person's profile and if you don't see anything about it then message them. If they don't listen or get mad don't worry about it, you were only trying to help and thats all you can do, no sense in trying to change someone who doesn't want to change.

DaveyGravy

I feel we are all adults here and there is enough information and links and search engines to find this information on your own AND/OR ask for help if you feel like you need it.

Agreed, I just wondered whether anybody had tried to advise somebody before.

It actually was since they had started on MFP that they'd done it, not just 1 day - anyone can have a day of hardly eating!

Carleybby

I had one of my friends contact me about it when I was sick.
He didn't know I was sick, but I could only eat soup all day.

It was really nice, I felt like there was someone out there was rooting for me, and cared that I make it.

AnneElise

If they were asking or requesting help and then I looked at their food diary and felt the under-eating might be a cause of their not losing weight, then yes I would probably say something. If I am in someone's diary to get meal ideas and noticed they only ate 800-1000 calories and their calories are now extended due to exercise....I would not mention anything.

What works for you may not work for someone else. Maybe they only did that one day. Maybe they didn't log everything they ate that day.

I feel we are all adults here and there is enough information and links and search engines to find this information on your own AND/OR ask for help if you feel like you need it.

Well Idk about this. My sister had a bad eating disorder and i AM SURE that she wasn't looking for information. If people are undereating I am not sure they are looking for help. Maybe it would hurt to send a polite message just showing that you care... also saying that MAYBE there is something you are missing and things are just fine.

BrendaLee

Advice should be offered when people ask for it only. They may not be logging all of their food- some people don't. It may be a couple of days away from grocery day, and they may be struggling (ahem...that's me right now).

BrendaLee

I have one reason you should leave it....read the thread entitled "Food Diary Cheaters"....it has opened Pandora's Box......I personally think it's sweet for the concern............some others may find extreme offense.........

I sometimes forget to close out my day, or not log dinner, and sometimes not anything on the weekend, so it may seem I don't hit my cals....Oh, my friend....but I do lol!!!!!!!

That's the post I had in mind when I replied to this too. Dangerous territory!

DaveyGravy

Yeah thanks for the replies - i'm kind of glad I didn't do it now, though I will probably find myself still checking their diary. Just what i'm like I guess!

I saw that other thread - Food Diary Cheaters - and it's safe to say there's a few angry people in there!

I guess until you can know WHY someone is sharing their diary - whether it's for help OR to give people meal ideas, then it's best to stay quiet.

MercuryBlue

I think it's usually better to only offer advice if they ask for it. I've had people read my food diary and send me PMs about it (okay, it was one person, one time, lol!) but it made me feel bad and self-conscious, so I made my diary private. It's sweet you're concerned, but it's also important to have all the facts.

Also, I think it would depend on your relationship with the person. I have people on my friends list that I am a lot closer to than others. I love ALL my friends but I definitely spend more time speaking with some in particular. If I had a close relationship with the person, I might feel more comfortable bringing it up than I would if the person was a more 'casual' friend.

cmurphy04722

I notice on a lot of people's diaries (who are losing weight and thus interest me hehe) that some people are barely getting 2 or 3 veggies in each day. And some don't get any! They have chips and granola bars, but no vegetables! And then for fruit, maybe some people count a yogurt as a fruit...but a lot of people who are losing weight-not to mention those who are not-are not eating healthy at all.

I know I don't have the greatest track record, but I have been good, in general, for awhile because I'm vegetarian and have a few other things that are odd about my diet for health reasons also. I make sure to eat 4 veggie servings at least and try to get at least 3 fruits in.

I want to say, "Hey, congrats on your weight loss! Saw your diary and just wanted to recommend adding some real foods into your diet, like veggies and fruits! Carry on!"

But if people don't ask for the advice--and it's just me snooping around...uh, no, I don't say anything. There are a few days in my log that I definitely don't want to be judged by. And we're here to support, not judge

If they ask for advice, go for it.

AnneElise

Don't get me wrong I agree with ALL of you that giving advice on what to eat should only be given when asked.

But (and if you disagree I am sorry) I do think that not eating enough is a different matter. I don't think its offensive at all to say to someone, hey i noticed you are logging 800 calories a day and I was just concerned that you wern't eating enough. Maybe there are other things about you I don't know but I just thought I would message you to make sure you are doing okay! I appriciate your dairy being public. Idk I guess eating disorders hit home with me so I wish more people would try to help others who have them.

Crunchytxmama

My sister is on here, and I tease her because she eats low calorie, but not so healthy a lot of the time ( you britt :bigsmile: ), but no I wouldn't bother if I didn't know someone personally. I'd assume I don't see the whole picture. Honestly, when someone's diary shows they only ate 800 cals, I assume they didn't log everything for the day! Without knowing them IRL, I just don't know. You also don't know why someone might have only eaten 800....maybe they are fasting for religious reasons (Lent started yesterday).

MercuryBlue

Don't get me wrong I agree with ALL of you that giving advice on what to eat should only be given when asked.

But (and if you disagree I am sorry) I do think that not eating enough is a different matter. I don't think its offensive at all to say to someone, hey i noticed you are logging 800 calories a day and I was just concerned that you wern't eating enough. Maybe there are other things about you I don't know but I just thought I would message you to make sure you are doing okay! I appriciate your dairy being public. Idk I guess eating disorders hit home with me so I wish more people would try to help others who have them.

You make a good point. If I feel that someone really isn't eating enough, or workout out to hard, I DO tend to call them on it (whether they're on my friends list or not). I don't want to be confrontational, and I want them to know it's coming from a place of concern. But yeah, I'd probably bring it up. It's easy for me to tell other people what to do but, come on, I know me. And I have a big mouth.

My concern isn't always WHAT I'm saying, but that I'm presenting my opinion in a way that isn't harmful.

AnneElise

Don't get me wrong I agree with ALL of you that giving advice on what to eat should only be given when asked.

But (and if you disagree I am sorry) I do think that not eating enough is a different matter. I don't think its offensive at all to say to someone, hey i noticed you are logging 800 calories a day and I was just concerned that you wern't eating enough. Maybe there are other things about you I don't know but I just thought I would message you to make sure you are doing okay! I appriciate your dairy being public. Idk I guess eating disorders hit home with me so I wish more people would try to help others who have them.

You make a good point. If I feel that someone really isn't eating enough, or workout out to hard, I DO tend to call them on it (whether they're on my friends list or not). I don't want to be confrontational, and I want them to know it's coming from a place of concern. But yeah, I'd probably bring it up. It's easy for me to tell other people what to do but, come on, I know me. And I have a big mouth.

My concern isn't always WHAT I'm saying, but that I'm presenting my opinion in a way that isn't harmful.

Cheers to that Just want everyone to be healthy!

DaveyGravy

My sister is on here, and I tease her because she eats low calorie, but not so healthy a lot of the time ( you britt :bigsmile: ), but no I wouldn't bother if I didn't know someone personally. I'd assume I don't see the whole picture. Honestly, when someone's diary shows they only ate 800 cals, I assume they didn't log everything for the day! Without knowing them IRL, I just don't know. You also don't know why someone might have only eaten 800....maybe they are fasting for religious reasons (Lent started yesterday).

Yeah good points again I made this thread to find out this kind of stuff...I could easily have upset someone when I really intended to do the opposite. It's too much of a minefield to risk maybe!