I hate obligatory gifting!!!!

SadieToughLady

aaaannnnndddd this is why I hate Christmas!

Or used to. I have become annoyingly verbal in my disdain for the ridiculous financial waste and stressful atmosphere the whole "holiday" season created. My kids are adults, and apparently becoming responsible for your own finances has brought them around to my way of thinking. We draw names with a $50 cap. The only other presents bought are for small children - period! If I need something, chances are I've already bought it for myself...I don't WANT any other stuff, just for the sake of stuff! This year is the first time in a really, really, really long time that I've had zero holiday related stress. Shopping took about 30 minutes, and wrapping, even less. What this did was give me time to "enjoy" the season...the lights; the smells; the excitement of small children waiting in anticipation for the big day; all the silly holiday movies...the people who matter, not the stuff.

I did and feel the same exact way this year. I did not stress out and buy junk just to buy junk. I hate getting crap just to get it. I'm also trying not to eat junk so I don't need food as a gift either. Good for us!

My1985Freckles

I don't get stuck with obligatory gifting however I would be that *kitten* who buys something for someone because I just LOVE buying things for people period. I'll buy stuff for people when I'm on vacation just because. I am really good at picking out things that I know someone will like and I take great pleasure in buying stuff for others. :blushing:

Me too!!!! I just LOVE to give people gifts and make them happy, but I don't like obligatory gift giving. If you get a gift card from me it means I don't really like... I mean, know lol... you and didn't have a clue of what you would like but I had to get a freakin' gift anyway. There are a few gift cards being given this year. :-\

That said, I work in a small office (18 people) and every year I do something little for them. Last year was hot chocolate and chocolate dipped spoons, this year I made home made hot fudge in raspberry, orange, peanut butter, and regular. People love me. ;-)

LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo

Best solution for guys is to get married. Then you only have one person to get for. :laugh:

That's one reason why I'm happy to be single at Christmas. At least the money that is supposed to spend buying a present for my bf will go to the people who deserve much more.

My1985Freckles

I just tell people that the only people I buy gifts for are kids. If you're over 18, you are not getting a gift. It only takes a few years before everyone around you realizes that you mean it.

Yeah, and guys don't buy each other gifts. That's awkward and so lame.

^ This. My wife and I aren't even doing gifts for each other this year.

I sense a trap laid by your wife.....

sedwards9999

This is why Thanksgiving has become my favorite holiday. No gifts, just enjoying a feast with loved ones.

Pixi_Rex

Wow there is a lot of Bah humbug in here.

Maybe its just me but if you don't want to buy something just don't. The person may love just gifting. I do, I give my best friend things for Christmas (things I know he needs but will never buy for himself because he is ridiculous) and he has NEVER bought me anything. He asked me one time why I do it and I said "Because I love Christmas, and your alone and you deserve Christmas too." his response was "Why thank you but i don't buy you things so don't feel like you have to buy me anything." The conversation ended with me punching him and saying "get over it, I don't expect *kitten* from you" .

meggonkgonk

Best solution for guys is to get married. Then you only have one person to get for. :laugh:

No dude, that is when the problems occur. You never gift your bros. It is the wives that try to civilize you. Plus they always gift their friend, which now comes out of your pocket.

I'm going to put aside the intense amount of irritation this whole part of the conversation ^^ causes me and answer your original question.

If you can pull off not being a total jerk about it, I suggest making friendly pacts with friends and adult family etc to give the gift of non-commercialism for the holidays and make a point to go out or meet up instead. It's a tradition my friends and I started when we were about 16 and has served us well. Gifts are nice, and a good way to say "this is something that makes me think of you." But overall, if you're going to be all scroogey about it, you're better off with this approach.

teryx123

I gift the people around me all year round. I do it when the fancy strikes me, when I feel they need it, and sometimes for no particular reason at all.

The one reason I never gift is because the calendar says I have to. Holidays for me are for connecting with people, sharing laughter, warmth, caring, good food, good drink, great stories, and a warm fire. All the things money can't buy. If those things are not enough to keep someone from feeling slighted, then I probably don't mean much to them anyway.

quirkytizzy

I'm too poor to buy Christmas gifts for anyone.

If it's a good year, the cats get a few cans of Fancy Feast. They love that stuff.

sedwards9999

But overall, if you're going to be all scroogey about it, you're better off with this approach.

This is sort of the point...if you don't like the gift part, you get called names like "scroogy" etc...

Charlie003

I just tell people that the only people I buy gifts for are kids. If you're over 18, you are not getting a gift. It only takes a few years before everyone around you realizes that you mean it.

Yeah, and guys don't buy each other gifts. That's awkward and so lame.

^ This. My wife and I aren't even doing gifts for each other this year.

I sense a trap laid by your wife.....

"It's a TRAP!"

Charlie003

But overall, if you're going to be all scroogey about it, you're better off with this approach.

This is sort of the point...if you don't like the gift part, you get called names like "scroogy" etc...

Nice. Point for you.

Qarol

When we were newly married, my husband's friend and his wife bought us $100 in gift cards to a restaurant. I felt obligated to return the favor, so we got them $100 in restaurant gift cards. We basically just exchanged money. It was stupid.

Never again.

Jpinpoint

If I have a holiday party and someone brings a gift the ONLY way they will get a "gift" from me is if they have a holiday party and I reciprocate.

I do not gift out of obligation. I gift out of good holiday party etiquette. I gift a great bottle of MY favorite wine.

If they don't have a holiday party where I can bring a gift then I don't care even if I had 3 holiday parties and they brought a gift each time.

We are adults, if you're not in my circle where we agree to/not to give gifts, then act as an adult and DGAF it.

Note: "You" is general, not YOU as OP or anyone else.

Jpinpoint

When we were newly married, my husband's friend and his wife bought us $100 in gift cards to a restaurant. I felt obligated to return the favor, so we got them $100 in restaurant gift cards. We basically just exchanged money. It was stupid.

Never again.

You cancelled it out. No one got a gift at all.

Ahhh the holiday gift giving, this is how it should be. But instead you keep the money in your pocket.

atsteele

Then don't do it. Who cares if you get called names behind your back?

I'm just saying that because misery loves company. I'm sure that some of my family are calling me bad names after suggesting we don't buy gifts for all 14 cousins this year. (hehe) Honestly, none of these 14 kids are in need of anything and I certainly don't need to add to their pile of gifts this year. I bet some of the parents are secretly thanking me for not adding to their toy collection. ;P

This year I bought gifts for my kids and wine for all the adults we are planning to visit. And Lindt chocolates for teachers, therapists, mailmen, trash collectors, neighbors and friends stopping by for a surprise visit.

sedwards9999

For those that watch Big Bang Theory, I agree with Sheldon.

To paraphrase; I give you a gift worth 20.00, you must reciprocate with a gift of equal value. So in the end all it accomplishes is a lifetime of stress and one of us dieing 20.00 richer.

mgmlap

We pretty much buy only for the 4 of us. As far as other family members, they get group gifts..The kids buy gifts for their friends..but its not obligatory..cause most of the time they get nothing back..and we are teaching them that its better to give.

We also donate about $500-$600 worth of toys for the less fortunate..and

Gift giving in my eyes should never feel obligatory...it never did growing up....

mikeschratz

Give the gift of a charitable donation and ask others to do the same for you. Problem solved.

^^ Awesome Idea

Ivey05131980

:ohwell: I, too, feel obligated! Hate it...especially when you give cash and they give you more (or less) it is way awkward!:embarassed:

tikafly

Give beer.

TaintedVampyre

And this is why I don't celebrate the holidays. Well one of them.

jennifer52484

I love watching people open the gifts i've given them. With that said, i would totally be okay if only the children got gifts. I saw people saying they spend $130 on christmas??? I wish that was the case. By the end of christmas, my husband and i have spent anywhere from 700-1000. Makes me want to throw up but i'm okay with it because I love gift giving.

XXXMinnieXXX

I just tell people that the only people I buy gifts for are kids. If you're over 18, you are not getting a gift. It only takes a few years before everyone around you realizes that you mean it.

Yeah, and guys don't buy each other gifts. That's awkward and so lame.

^ This. My wife and I aren't even doing gifts for each other this year.

I sense a trap laid by your wife.....

Lmao... This.... I know several people who say they don't want to do gifts, the sulk when you don't. You do or you don't... Make your mind up... And yes they are women. Personally I love giving gifts. All meet up Xmas morning though and I have to get gifts for kids I see once a year on Xmas day... Is kind of annoying! X

drummer_lady

I've been trying really hard to phase out the christmas gift giving...but have had little success so far. I've tried straight up asking for no gifts - didn't work. I've tried giving homemade and second hand gifts for the last few years, hoping that people would catch on and do the same, but nope. At least I have an understanding with my boyfriend and my sister, and there is no exchanging of gifts with them. I don't think I will ever be able to get the message through to my parents and brothers though...they even still buy my sister gifts even though she has stated for many years in a row that she does not want gifts, she will not be buying gifts, and any gift she receives will be donated somewhere.

I wish we could just use Christmas to spend time with each other instead of giving unneeded gifts.

My1985Freckles

I just tell people that the only people I buy gifts for are kids. If you're over 18, you are not getting a gift. It only takes a few years before everyone around you realizes that you mean it.

Yeah, and guys don't buy each other gifts. That's awkward and so lame.

^ This. My wife and I aren't even doing gifts for each other this year.

I sense a trap laid by your wife.....

Lmao... This.... I know several people who say they don't want to do gifts, the sulk when you don't. You do or you don't... Make your mind up... And yes they are women. Personally I love giving gifts. All meet up Xmas morning though and I have to get gifts for kids I see once a year on Xmas day... Is kind of annoying! X

I also want to point out that I am NOT the typical woman. I told hubby that we weren't doing gifts one year for I don't remember what occassion. Yeah, he got me something and I had nothing for him because I told him NO GIFTS! ... smh... LOL

My1985Freckles

:ohwell: I, too, feel obligated! Hate it...especially when you give cash and they give you more (or less) it is way awkward!:embarassed:

This! It is exactly why I HATE giving cash/gift cards. What's the point?

Linli_Anne

I agree with just buying for the kids....but then it's even more awkward because we are the only people in both our immediate families with kids, and it will probably stay that way, so then it just sounds like we are telling people to buy presents for the kids and get nothing in return.

Gift giving to people outside of our household always seems awkward and I would rather just say - you keep your $50, I'll keep my $50, buy yourself something, just be sure to come around on Christmas to say hello.

bodiva88

I give a gift to my dad, but something small that may surprise him. He hates when we spend money on him. No other gifts.

This year I gave a lovely glass seahorse ornament to a friend who lost her storage shed (with all the pretty beach-y themed ornaments) to Hurricane Sandy. She cried when she opened it. Best gift giving reaction EVER. We stopped exchanging gifts years ago, but this was special and surely no need to reciprocate.

If you don't reciprocate, they'll either stop giving things to you, or they'll keep on and you'll know it wasn't about reciprocation, they are just giving because they want to show you they're thinking of you without expectations.

penrbrown

I never give useless gifts. If I'm giving someone a gift I get them something I KNOW they'll like or something they can use.

Useless gifts are just that - useless.