Motivating a Family Member

eganita

Hi everyone,

I'm looking for some advice. I have a family member who refuses to exercise AT ALL. She eats some nutritious foods, but often snacks a lot as well (even making comments, "I'm not hungry at all, but I just want to snack"!)

I am really becoming very worried about her health (She can't even walk one lap around a track without getting completely winded, and I know she's had some not-so-great health stats lately).

I've tried to encourage her, tried to make her promise to work out (which resulted in ONE 15 minute workout between Thanksgiving and now), tried to lead by example, etc....

I am running out of ideas. I know she needs to want it for herself to really start making these changes... but is there anything I can do to help this happen??

Thank you in advance.

Colliex3

It really is up to them, i've tried everything you think of to help some of my family members. But in the end if you are just there for them and listen, it will click for them and thats when you can start putting in bits and pieces of advice you have learned.

eganita

It really is up to them, i've tried everything you think of to help some of my family members. But in the end if you are just there for them and listen, it will click for them and thats when you can start putting in bits and pieces of advice you have learned.

Thanks for responding... you are right. It's hard to sit back and watch someone being destructive to herself, but I can't force her to be healthy.

now_or_never12

Unfortunately you can't make anyone change their lifestyle. She needs to want to do it herself. Pushing her into it will only make them resent you and possibly feel worse about themself.

Best thing to do is just continue with what you are doing. Maybe by seeing your success they will follow ... but don't mention her lifestyle to her. Maybe when you two are together, do active things instead of a movie or something like that. Take a walk to talk. Maybe invite her over for dinner and make a healthy dinner. DOn't mention it's healthy though.

Don't harp on her... don't try to talk her into anything. It is hard to see family like that but they need to learn on their own and they need to decide to make the step on their own. She may come to you at some point and ask for help or tips so only than should you step in and help as she asks.

eganita

Unfortunately you can't make anyone change their lifestyle. She needs to want to do it herself. Pushing her into it will only make them resent you and possibly feel worse about themself.

Best thing to do is just continue with what you are doing. Maybe by seeing your success they will follow ... but don't mention her lifestyle to her. Maybe when you two are together, do active things instead of a movie or something like that. Take a walk to talk. Maybe invite her over for dinner and make a healthy dinner. DOn't mention it's healthy though.

Don't harp on her... don't try to talk her into anything. It is hard to see family like that but they need to learn on their own and they need to decide to make the step on their own. She may come to you at some point and ask for help or tips so only than should you step in and help as she asks.

Thanks.. I didn't really think about one of your points at all - that pushing her too much could actually make her feel worse. I'll definitely keep that in mind now.

katekross

They are still cognitively their own person still, and they can make the final call as to what they do to their bodies. You can only influence so much before it wears you out more. At the end of the day, its their call and their choices that make THEM suffer. Hard to watch, I know. But all you can do is be supportive.

Lleldiranne

Sadly, there is nothing you can do really. She is going to have to have a reason to want to change, something that is more important that staying in the comfort of the familiar. I'm sure we all know how hard it is to change habits, especially when it comes to our eating and exercise. And often, food/eating/weight issues are hiding underlying self-esteem issues. Maybe the best thing is for you to love her unconditionally, and be there when she's ready to change. (I know the fear of watching someone you love slowly eat themselves to death. But you can't control her or even motivate her - she has to find a reason herself)

florymonde

If this is someone you live with, you can do things that would make it easier for her. You can invite her to join you in different physical activities. Invite her on a walk, or to take a dance class, or go swimming, or ice-skating. Don't pressure her; just offer a friendly invitation. Stationary bikes are very boring on your own, but when I meet a friend at the gym at work a couple times a week, we can chat while we bike and enjoy it.

And, if there's depression involved, maybe invite her to do other less physical activities like an art class, just to help her get moving on something. Going to a class and drawing pictures is more likely to lead to a healthy lifestyle than sitting around on the couch.

You can have healthful, attractive food around. Make some nice salads and stirfrys. I make sure the easiest food to get to in my kitchen is the fresh fruit, so my kids tend to eat it frequently.

You can't force someone into a behavior, but you can make it easier for them to make good choices.

divacat80

When we're on the healthy lifestyle wagon we tend to want everyone feeling as good as we do. But unfortunately, nothing you can say to your relative will ever change her. You can just inspire her with your own progress, and you can also workout with her by just going out for a walk. Yes, walking is a good workout, and it can help someone stay fitter. But, never tell her that she needs to change UNLESS, the situation calls for it. Say, she just came back from the doctor and she tells you how bad she's been feeling lately, and how bad her lab tests are. Let her be the one who brings up the subject and be there for her, even if she decides to make the bad choice of never working out again. If she decides to follow the healthy path you already know how to help her.

She knows what's good for her already, she just needs someone who will be there for her no matter how she looks like or how her health is.
So I agree with the others, there's not much you can do without hurting her feelings and making her lose her trust in you.

You're awesome for worrying about her