Bisexuality

sunsnstatheart

You aren't all that unusual. Just keep things under wraps with your family for now. I'm sure this isn't the first secret, and it won't be the last, that you keep from your family. You're an adult now and you're on the road to finding yourself and loving yourself. Like, the previous poster said, its not exactly unusual for young women to be hanging out with other young women. Once you get yourself settled and are living away from your family, then you can make the decision to discuss it with your family or not. None of us on MFP know your family, so there's no way to know whether your family will ultimately accept you or not. Of course, we also can't make the decision for you of whether you're going to ultimately give your family's decision any credence at all. That's your decision. Live your own life and learn to love yourself no matter who you are.

FitBeto

No no, the multiple people was more of a "more than one person over a period of time", just like you didnt marry the first person you dated. And yes I shouldn't have used 'sleep', rather than 'date', my mistake :drinker:

Ah. Sorry for jumping on you, then. Thanks for clarifying.

condoms people... condoms...

You mean penis prisons? No thanks..

HeinzPrincess

My parents' love has always been conditional. I dropped out of college to get married (because they said if I were dating that guy, they wouldn't pay for college) and they disowned me.

It took them about 7 years to accept that. We didn't speak much at all for 2 years. Then we very slowly started to become a family again, on my own terms.

I know they are sorry, but they've never said it. It hurts every time I think about it. I promised my kids that would never, ever happen to them...nothing they can do could cause me to disown them like that. Especially not over being in love.

I don't know how much advice I have for you, except that eventually you may reach a point where you care enough about who you are and who you love that you are willing to sacrifice for it. I highly suggest (as others did) that you wait until you are on your own.

If you need to chat, you can always message me.

P.S. I realized I was bisexual AFTER I was married. I'm now divorced (after 7.5 years of marriage) and dating a man, but it's still a part of who I am.

HeinzPrincess

Heterosexual people dont go around confessing they are heterosexual.

Yes they do. Everytime I had a girlfriend, I let all my friends know. It is never a secret... unless you're embarassed.. haha..

:drinker: :drinker:

quirkytizzy

Ah. Sorry for jumping on you, then. Thanks for clarifying.

condoms people... condoms...
[/quote]

:laugh:

AngryDiet

When it is and isn't a good idea to come out is a topic which Dan Savage of the column "Savage Love" periodically visits. You might want to go through the back catalog of columns and see what he advises people in your situation. He's well respected by many people.

firstsip

Last time I checked love wasn't a conditional thing

Agreed. But being bisexual instead of being straight 'gay', to me, would be more considered curiosity/promiscuity. Instead of telling your family who will judge you that you want to sleep with multiple people of different sexes, why not save something that big for the actual 'gay' presentation?

Edit: Saw you tried to say the "sleep" business was taken out of context. Still not sure how you think "But being bisexual instead of being straight 'gay', to me, would be more considered curiosity/promiscuity."

now_or_never12

If you want to date a women go ahead and do so. Women go out with their female friends all the time.

I wouldn't tell them until you are in a relationship and decide to bring a woman home as your girlfriend.

As another poster said it, if you haven't already dated a woman you may not want to anymore once you do. I would wait to tell your family until you are at a point where you bring someone home to save yourself the heartache from telling them and than possibly decided that it actually isn't for you.

The good thing is that you have some friends who are truthworthy and you were able to tell. Having friends on your side may help if and when the time comes to tell your parents and family.

firstsip

Have you tried being with women? Sometimes we think we like something until we have it..

If you have and you are sure that you are bi..you dont have to tell them, at least for now.

This is an arbitrary assumption. People use this argument as a means to "convince" people of their own sexuality; last time I checked, straight virgins are not told, "Well, maybe you really just like the same sex since you haven't actually had sex yet to know."

quirkytizzy

This is an arbitrary assumption. People use this argument as a means to "convince" people of their own sexuality; last time I checked, straight virgins are not told, "Well, maybe you really just like the same sex since you haven't actually had sex yet to know."

Cheers. I'd figured out I was bisexual years before I had sex with a woman.

emtjmac

So, any runners here? I've been running for about 4 months and I was doing 5 days a week but I'm having this foot pain in the joint where my big toe meets my foot and it's got me worried. It doesn't hurt bad when I run but the next morning it feels painful and stiff. I hope it isn't hallux rigidus.

MikeyD1280

could I be bisexual?

the more things my girl buys me, the more sexual I get.

Z_I_L_L_A

I'm bisexual..
It's something that I have struggled with accepting for years. I'm 20 years old now and I grew up in a very religious family. I know they won't understand. So even though I finally admitted it to myself five months ago, I haven't been able to tell anybody else. A couple really close friends know, but they haven't said anything and I trust them with with my life. But those are the only people I can tell. Right now it's dying to come out.
I guess I don't really know how to deal with it. I would love to be able to date women. But..I know that right now, until I can get away from home, it's not a possibility.
My family is really close minded. We have some family members (distant) who are bisexual and gay and they just refuse to understand it or don't get it period. Most of my family members just pretend it doesn't happen. My great aunt is gay and has been with her partner for over 25 years..and to this day they just say that they are friends or roommates. I'm sure it has to hurt them...
I'm afraid that if someone finds out, no one is going to love me anymore.

I don't even know where I'm going with this... Does anyone have any advice?

If they were to stop loving you then they didn't really love you to begin with. Its your life, don't stop living it for someone else. Life is too short seeing how it ends tomorrow anyway,lol. Ya never know...Good luck.

firstsip

OP, in relevance to your topic:

It's tricky. If you don't feel comfortable revealing who you are to your family, you could possibly wait until you've moved out. This is an unfortunate reality in homes laced with homophobia: disowning.

That, however, may be a worst case scenario to you, as your LGBT relatives aren't ostracized. Perhaps YOU could be the person that changes your family's views. It's one thing when distant cousin Maude or Great Uncle Stevie are homosexual, but when their own daughter comes out as bi, they may suddenly stop and realize (when it's close to home), that love is love is love.

It's hard to predict though, based on just a paragraph or two online, and it's even harder to suggest "what to do," when ultimately: it's your life and your sexuality. You shouldn't let what your family thinks or does affect you (though I know that's easier said than done).

AngryDiet

So, any runners here? I've been running for about 4 months and I was doing 5 days a week but I'm having this foot pain in the joint where my big toe meets my foot and it's got me worried. It doesn't hurt bad when I run but the next morning it feels painful and stiff. I hope it isn't hallux rigidus.

In your case, definitely come out.

TrishB69

I hope you can find a happy way of handling this. Family is a tough audience and, in many cases, are the ones who understand the least. I guess you just need to do it when you are comfortable, especially since you are the one who has to live with the results. You need to do what makes you happy and move forward when you feel comfortable. Sometimes throwing it out there is good and gets it off your chest, but the bombshell will cause chaos.

Just make the decision when it feels right for you... not when others feel you should do it.

Emma_Problema

Best advice I could give you about when and how to come out would be to read Dan Savage. Look at his column (it's free online) or check out his book from the library. The man is a pro about being zen yet cautious about coming out to religious families. Seriously, it's good stuff.

- A Semi-Out Bi Girl

fit4lifeUcan2

When my daughters best friend came out to his parents his mother threw him out of the house and he was only about 16 at the time. The father who we all thought would be the one to take it hard actually too the news really well and said If you think this changes how much I love you you're wrong. He fought his wife to allow their son back in the house. The thing is she had always accused him of being gay and called him names whenever she was mad at him for something. Yes love is love and I would love my own children no matter what their sexual preference. But not everyone is going to react the way you think. Now this boys parents are divorced and he lives with his mom. He still sees his dad a lot but the parents together were toxic and it was hurting the children. The mom has gotten over her fears of gayness or whatever she was dealing with and no longer calls her son names and has really opened up to his life style and his boyfriends.

fit_librarian

My family's religious too (or at least my parents are), and I'm bisexual, but I have no need to really tell them right now. It's not their business. It's not that I'm ashamed of it. I came out in college and I've enjoyed relationships with men and women. But I'm not close or have any sort of meaningful relationship with either of my parents, so I just haven't told them. I have, however, told the people who matter to me. You just have to do what feels right for you.

justal313

Agreed. But being bisexual instead of being straight 'gay', to me, would be more considered curiosity/promiscuity. Instead of telling your family who will judge you that you want to sleep with multiple people of different sexes, why not save something that big for the actual 'gay' presentation?

I believe you are making the erroneous assumption that bisexual people want to sleep with multiple people at the same time. This is hardly the case. When I have dated women, I have dated that one woman. When I have dated men, I have dated that one man. And even further, when I was dating multiple people at once, the drive was not because I wanted sex from as many different people as possible.

I am not gay. I like men way too much. I am not straight. I like women way too much. Not everyone falls squarely in the "yes/no" "black/white" "cat person/dog person" "gay/straight" category and you'd do well to readjust your attitudes that everyone should

While that is all true, the perception from many many people is otherwise, it's unfortunate, but reality.

There are plenty of promisicous bisexual people out there, just as there are straight or gay people who want to sleep with everyone at every turn. Some of my best friends are sluts, some of them are even women, but they fall across the spectrum of sexual preference. I sometimes think I'm in the minority because I don't have an open relationship or hop into bed with everyone and anyone at the drop of a hat (or pants), but that's how I roll.