Bisexuality

emtjmac

So, any runners here? I've been running for about 4 months and I was doing 5 days a week but I'm having this foot pain in the joint where my big toe meets my foot and it's got me worried. It doesn't hurt bad when I run but the next morning it feels painful and stiff. I hope it isn't hallux rigidus.

MikeyD1280

could I be bisexual?

the more things my girl buys me, the more sexual I get.

Z_I_L_L_A

I'm bisexual..
It's something that I have struggled with accepting for years. I'm 20 years old now and I grew up in a very religious family. I know they won't understand. So even though I finally admitted it to myself five months ago, I haven't been able to tell anybody else. A couple really close friends know, but they haven't said anything and I trust them with with my life. But those are the only people I can tell. Right now it's dying to come out.
I guess I don't really know how to deal with it. I would love to be able to date women. But..I know that right now, until I can get away from home, it's not a possibility.
My family is really close minded. We have some family members (distant) who are bisexual and gay and they just refuse to understand it or don't get it period. Most of my family members just pretend it doesn't happen. My great aunt is gay and has been with her partner for over 25 years..and to this day they just say that they are friends or roommates. I'm sure it has to hurt them...
I'm afraid that if someone finds out, no one is going to love me anymore.

I don't even know where I'm going with this... Does anyone have any advice?

If they were to stop loving you then they didn't really love you to begin with. Its your life, don't stop living it for someone else. Life is too short seeing how it ends tomorrow anyway,lol. Ya never know...Good luck.

firstsip

OP, in relevance to your topic:

It's tricky. If you don't feel comfortable revealing who you are to your family, you could possibly wait until you've moved out. This is an unfortunate reality in homes laced with homophobia: disowning.

That, however, may be a worst case scenario to you, as your LGBT relatives aren't ostracized. Perhaps YOU could be the person that changes your family's views. It's one thing when distant cousin Maude or Great Uncle Stevie are homosexual, but when their own daughter comes out as bi, they may suddenly stop and realize (when it's close to home), that love is love is love.

It's hard to predict though, based on just a paragraph or two online, and it's even harder to suggest "what to do," when ultimately: it's your life and your sexuality. You shouldn't let what your family thinks or does affect you (though I know that's easier said than done).

AngryDiet

So, any runners here? I've been running for about 4 months and I was doing 5 days a week but I'm having this foot pain in the joint where my big toe meets my foot and it's got me worried. It doesn't hurt bad when I run but the next morning it feels painful and stiff. I hope it isn't hallux rigidus.

In your case, definitely come out.

TrishB69

I hope you can find a happy way of handling this. Family is a tough audience and, in many cases, are the ones who understand the least. I guess you just need to do it when you are comfortable, especially since you are the one who has to live with the results. You need to do what makes you happy and move forward when you feel comfortable. Sometimes throwing it out there is good and gets it off your chest, but the bombshell will cause chaos.

Just make the decision when it feels right for you... not when others feel you should do it.

Emma_Problema

Best advice I could give you about when and how to come out would be to read Dan Savage. Look at his column (it's free online) or check out his book from the library. The man is a pro about being zen yet cautious about coming out to religious families. Seriously, it's good stuff.

- A Semi-Out Bi Girl

fit4lifeUcan2

When my daughters best friend came out to his parents his mother threw him out of the house and he was only about 16 at the time. The father who we all thought would be the one to take it hard actually too the news really well and said If you think this changes how much I love you you're wrong. He fought his wife to allow their son back in the house. The thing is she had always accused him of being gay and called him names whenever she was mad at him for something. Yes love is love and I would love my own children no matter what their sexual preference. But not everyone is going to react the way you think. Now this boys parents are divorced and he lives with his mom. He still sees his dad a lot but the parents together were toxic and it was hurting the children. The mom has gotten over her fears of gayness or whatever she was dealing with and no longer calls her son names and has really opened up to his life style and his boyfriends.

fit_librarian

My family's religious too (or at least my parents are), and I'm bisexual, but I have no need to really tell them right now. It's not their business. It's not that I'm ashamed of it. I came out in college and I've enjoyed relationships with men and women. But I'm not close or have any sort of meaningful relationship with either of my parents, so I just haven't told them. I have, however, told the people who matter to me. You just have to do what feels right for you.

justal313

Agreed. But being bisexual instead of being straight 'gay', to me, would be more considered curiosity/promiscuity. Instead of telling your family who will judge you that you want to sleep with multiple people of different sexes, why not save something that big for the actual 'gay' presentation?

I believe you are making the erroneous assumption that bisexual people want to sleep with multiple people at the same time. This is hardly the case. When I have dated women, I have dated that one woman. When I have dated men, I have dated that one man. And even further, when I was dating multiple people at once, the drive was not because I wanted sex from as many different people as possible.

I am not gay. I like men way too much. I am not straight. I like women way too much. Not everyone falls squarely in the "yes/no" "black/white" "cat person/dog person" "gay/straight" category and you'd do well to readjust your attitudes that everyone should

While that is all true, the perception from many many people is otherwise, it's unfortunate, but reality.

There are plenty of promisicous bisexual people out there, just as there are straight or gay people who want to sleep with everyone at every turn. Some of my best friends are sluts, some of them are even women, but they fall across the spectrum of sexual preference. I sometimes think I'm in the minority because I don't have an open relationship or hop into bed with everyone and anyone at the drop of a hat (or pants), but that's how I roll.

FitBeto

Last time I checked love wasn't a conditional thing

Agreed. But being bisexual instead of being straight 'gay', to me, would be more considered curiosity/promiscuity. Instead of telling your family who will judge you that you want to sleep with multiple people of different sexes, why not save something that big for the actual 'gay' presentation?

Edit: Saw you tried to say the "sleep" business was taken out of context. Still not sure how you think "But being bisexual instead of being straight 'gay', to me, would be more considered curiosity/promiscuity."

I have had plenty of gay friends, and even marched a few times too, but when it comes to bisexual - never really met anyone before.To me, someone who is bisexual is choosing to go back and forth between men and women to figure out what they want in life - so I would chart that as more curious. Forgive me for my ignorance if I am mistaken, but there are large debates on whether or not 'gay' is a choice or not, and being bi (varying men and women partners) to me is a choice.

PaveGurl

Agreed. But being bisexual instead of being straight 'gay', to me, would be more considered curiosity/promiscuity. Instead of telling your family who will judge you that you want to sleep with multiple people of different sexes, why not save something that big for the actual 'gay' presentation?

The thing I don't get about this post is the "why not save something that big for the actual 'gay' presentation?" bit. It sounds to me like you think bi-folk are just gay folk who haven't come to grips with it yet. I assure you that is not the case, and it's something that bi people get from both sides - no pun intended - as the gay community often dismisses us for not being gay enough (or thinks of us as fickle and not able to commit), and the straight community thinks we're just greedy. I'm not gay. I'm not straight. I'm bi, though I indentify as queer now, primarily. It makes the most sense to me.

To the OP:
I didn't come out to my parents, in so many words. I just lived my life and when I'd talk to my parents, I talked to them openly about who was IN my life at a given time. Sometimes, it would be a female. Sometimes, it would be a male. If they ask, I address it, but whether or not I'm sleeping with someone is really none of their business, and if someone is important in my life, I don't think it matters if it's a romantic or platonic partnership - they are my partner. If you think it will cause a rift in your family, and that would be hurtful to you, you have to decide which is more difficult for you: losing your family ties, or hiding a part of you? That's a really personal and individual decision to make.

Captain_Tightpants

If people can only love you for pretending to be someone you're not, then it's not really love, is it?

Onesnap

this blog author just came out as being anything other than straight. It was amazing. Also, he lost something like 7,000 readers due to him coming out as bisexual.

Worth a read for sure (he's awesome)

http://www.danoah.com/

Punkedpoetess

Don't tell them until you are living on your own, stable, have a good job and can take care of yourself. If you are living in their house, keep it to yourself. It could get bad for you. That's how I would approach it.

I agree with this and I was in a similar situation when I was a teenager. As another bisexual with a religious family, I hid my female relationships, but they eventually found out and were not happy. Luckily I was only a few months from moving out by then. Now they pretend I am straight since I am married to a guy, but I am still not straight. Once you move out it will get better. My friends all know and are cool with it and my older brother is gay, so we are each other's allies. Best of luck to you, I know exactly how you feel.

AmberLee2012

My brother is 21 and just came out to my mother and step-father a few months ago. My step-father (his father) told him to go kill himself. My brother was in a bad way for awhile. They had to have known before he said anything. He is always with his partner and has been since high school. They even moved out of town to go to college together and live together. My brother says that he and his dad are now civil, but their relationship will probably never be the same. That being said, he has no secrets anymore. The whole family knows and most choose to accept him because they care about him. They can see he is happy and in love. It depends on what is hurting you more I think. Putting your life on hold so you don't rock the boat, or letting the cat out of the bag and being free to do what you want. I wish you the best of luck!

justal313

Last time I checked love wasn't a conditional thing

Agreed. But being bisexual instead of being straight 'gay', to me, would be more considered curiosity/promiscuity. Instead of telling your family who will judge you that you want to sleep with multiple people of different sexes, why not save something that big for the actual 'gay' presentation?

Edit: Saw you tried to say the "sleep" business was taken out of context. Still not sure how you think "But being bisexual instead of being straight 'gay', to me, would be more considered curiosity/promiscuity."

I have had plenty of gay friends, and even marched a few times too, but when it comes to bisexual - never really met anyone before.To me, someone who is bisexual is choosing to go back and forth between men and women to figure out what they want in life - so I would chart that as more curious. Forgive me for my ignorance if I am mistaken, but there are large debates on whether or not 'gay' is a choice or not, and being bi (varying men and women partners) to me is a choice.

Have you seen the shyte bisexual people get from every turn. Gays look down on them because they "aren't really gay", straights either tell them "you aren't bisexual, you are confused" or think of them as being such sluts that they can't even limit themselves to trying to bang 1/2 the people, or just lump them in with "the gays"

Why on earth would anyone CHOOSE that? Bisexuals cannot help being bisexual anymore than I can help being straight

cbeutler

I can't tell you how to come out or how others will react. I can say you are perfect just the way you are. Love yourself and trust yourself and eventually it will all work out.

quirkytizzy

I have had plenty of gay friends, and even marched a few times too, but when it comes to bisexual - never really met anyone before.To me, someone who is bisexual is choosing to go back and forth between men and women to figure out what they want in life - so I would chart that as more curious. Forgive me for my ignorance if I am mistaken, but there are large debates on whether or not 'gay' is a choice or not, and being bi (varying men and women partners) to me is a choice.

Aaaand you just stepped in it again. *facepalm* I fell in love with my girlfriend. She was the first person I ever fell in love with. I also fell in love with my current boyfriend. He is the second person I've ever fallen in love with. Love isn't a choice - it simply is.

You are mistaken and you are ignorant in this matter. There are also debates about whether or not the moon landing took place. Just because it's being discussed does not mean it is not real.

sullus

If you don't already, you should check in on this guy's column from time to time. He addresses concerns like yours frequently:

http://www.avclub.com/features/savage-love/

firstsip

Last time I checked love wasn't a conditional thing

Agreed. But being bisexual instead of being straight 'gay', to me, would be more considered curiosity/promiscuity. Instead of telling your family who will judge you that you want to sleep with multiple people of different sexes, why not save something that big for the actual 'gay' presentation?

Edit: Saw you tried to say the "sleep" business was taken out of context. Still not sure how you think "But being bisexual instead of being straight 'gay', to me, would be more considered curiosity/promiscuity."

I have had plenty of gay friends, and even marched a few times too, but when it comes to bisexual - never really met anyone before.To me, someone who is bisexual is choosing to go back and forth between men and women to figure out what they want in life - so I would chart that as more curious. Forgive me for my ignorance if I am mistaken, but there are large debates on whether or not 'gay' is a choice or not, and being bi (varying men and women partners) to me is a choice.

"To you" does not make it so. I will not forgive you for your ignorance; I urge you to look past your anecdotal pool of people you know and realize that there are very many bisexual people, and these people didn't "choose" to be bi anymore than people choose to be gay, lesbian, straight, etc.

Someone who is bisexual doesn't "go back and forth" because they think, "Hmm, maybe I like this better. Oh, just kidding, maybe this!" They perhaps have boyfriends and girlfriends at different periods of their life... because they like different people. You JUST said in an earlier post, "Well, I mean, like we don't necessarily marry the first person we're with." Why would you not understand that concept being applied to someone who's bisexual?

You can't possibly think the "I have gay friends and I've marched" saves you from such a clearly offensive argument, right? I mean, hell, the OP is sitting here saying she's not even sure how her parents would take her being bi, and here you're just hitting home how hurtful willful ignorance can be.

MikeyD1280

I have had plenty of gay friends, and even marched a few times too, but when it comes to bisexual - never really met anyone before.To me, someone who is bisexual is choosing to go back and forth between men and women to figure out what they want in life - so I would chart that as more curious. Forgive me for my ignorance if I am mistaken, but there are large debates on whether or not 'gay' is a choice or not, and being bi (varying men and women partners) to me is a choice.

Aaaand you just stepped in it again. *facepalm* I fell in love with my girlfriend. She was the first person I ever fell in love with. I also fell in love with my current boyfriend. He is the second person I've ever fallen in love with. Love isn't a choice - it simply is.

You are mistaken and you are ignorant in this matter. There are also debates about whether or not the moon landing took place. Just because it's being discussed does not mean it is not real.

Isn't this just proof that some see the glass half empty and some see it as half full?

FitBeto

Agreed. But being bisexual instead of being straight 'gay', to me, would be more considered curiosity/promiscuity. Instead of telling your family who will judge you that you want to sleep with multiple people of different sexes, why not save something that big for the actual 'gay' presentation?

The thing I don't get about this post is the "why not save something that big for the actual 'gay' presentation?" bit. It sounds to me like you think bi-folk are just gay folk who haven't come to grips with it yet. I assure you that is not the case, and it's something that bi people get from both sides - no pun intended - as the gay community often dismisses us for not being gay enough (or thinks of us as fickle and not able to commit), and the straight community thinks we're just greedy. I'm not gay. I'm not straight. I'm bi, though I indentify as queer now, primarily. It makes the most sense to me.

Rephrase: Why tell your parents you are bi - when you could be with a few girls and not like it (since OP said she wanted to START dating women (I would love to be able to date women)) and start a ton of family drama over something that wasn't even pursued in the first place. When you know you are gay or find a woman you LOVE then tell - if you are afraid of what your family might think.

Personally I think its terrible that being gay would ruin a parents attitude toward a child.

MikeyD1280

Last time I checked love wasn't a conditional thing

Agreed. But being bisexual instead of being straight 'gay', to me, would be more considered curiosity/promiscuity. Instead of telling your family who will judge you that you want to sleep with multiple people of different sexes, why not save something that big for the actual 'gay' presentation?

Edit: Saw you tried to say the "sleep" business was taken out of context. Still not sure how you think "But being bisexual instead of being straight 'gay', to me, would be more considered curiosity/promiscuity."

I have had plenty of gay friends, and even marched a few times too, but when it comes to bisexual - never really met anyone before.To me, someone who is bisexual is choosing to go back and forth between men and women to figure out what they want in life - so I would chart that as more curious. Forgive me for my ignorance if I am mistaken, but there are large debates on whether or not 'gay' is a choice or not, and being bi (varying men and women partners) to me is a choice.

"To you" does not make it so. I will not forgive you for your ignorance; I urge you to look past your anecdotal pool of people you know and realize that there are very many bisexual people, and these people didn't "choose" to be bi anymore than people choose to be gay, lesbian, straight, etc.

Someone who is bisexual doesn't "go back and forth" because they think, "Hmm, maybe I like this better. Oh, just kidding, maybe this!" They perhaps have boyfriends and girlfriends at different periods of their life... because they like different people. You JUST said in an earlier post, "Well, I mean, like we don't necessarily marry the first person we're with." Why would you not understand that concept being applied to someone who's bisexual?

You can't possibly think the "I have gay friends and I've marched" saves you from such a clearly offensive argument, right? I mean, hell, the OP is sitting here saying she's not even sure how her parents would take her being bi, and here you're just hitting home how hurtful willful ignorance can be.

and maybe her parents will have the same reaction as this guy... only the OP would know once "presented".

croissantsetchocolat

Heterosexual people dont go around confessing they are heterosexual..

Well yeah. Because being heterosexual is the norm. o.O

faireplay

Last time I checked love wasn't a conditional thing

Agreed. But being bisexual instead of being straight 'gay', to me, would be more considered curiosity/promiscuity. Instead of telling your family who will judge you that you want to sleep with multiple people of different sexes, why not save something that big for the actual 'gay' presentation?

Edit: Saw you tried to say the "sleep" business was taken out of context. Still not sure how you think "But being bisexual instead of being straight 'gay', to me, would be more considered curiosity/promiscuity."

I have had plenty of gay friends, and even marched a few times too, but when it comes to bisexual - never really met anyone before.To me, someone who is bisexual is choosing to go back and forth between men and women to figure out what they want in life - so I would chart that as more curious. Forgive me for my ignorance if I am mistaken, but there are large debates on whether or not 'gay' is a choice or not, and being bi (varying men and women partners) to me is a choice.

I dated men of different ethnic groups with different skin and hair colors....was I just I just trying to figure out what I wanted? Oh and as for women I prefer blonds. But I like dark haired men....by your measure I must still be confused at the age of 50.

ideliver

Practical, non-judgemental advice:

1) It's only been 5 months since you've come to terms with your own identity. Give it some time to figure out what this all really means for you. There is no prize for rushing through the coming out process.

2) I agree that it is always safer to wait until you have safety and independence in the off-chance you are asked to leave the house. Even though my family was anticipated to be supportive, I waited...you just never know.

3) I have found that we come out first to the people who are very important to us, and last to those we are most afraid of losing. Not to minimise what you are going through, but what you are experiencing is normal, common, and a critical part of the identity of us lucky enough to be LGBT/Queer.

firstsip

Agreed. But being bisexual instead of being straight 'gay', to me, would be more considered curiosity/promiscuity. Instead of telling your family who will judge you that you want to sleep with multiple people of different sexes, why not save something that big for the actual 'gay' presentation?

The thing I don't get about this post is the "why not save something that big for the actual 'gay' presentation?" bit. It sounds to me like you think bi-folk are just gay folk who haven't come to grips with it yet. I assure you that is not the case, and it's something that bi people get from both sides - no pun intended - as the gay community often dismisses us for not being gay enough (or thinks of us as fickle and not able to commit), and the straight community thinks we're just greedy. I'm not gay. I'm not straight. I'm bi, though I indentify as queer now, primarily. It makes the most sense to me.

Rephrase: Why tell your parents you are bi - when you could be with a few girls and not like it (since OP said she wanted to START dating women (I would love to be able to date women)) and start a ton of family drama over something that wasn't even pursued in the first place. When you know you are gay or find a woman you LOVE then tell - if you are afraid of what your family might think.

Personally I think its terrible that being gay would ruin a parents attitude toward a child.

I'm going to go out on a limb and just assume you're not trolling, Beto, so I'm going to be very serious with you.

I said it in an earlier post: does a straight person need to "date someone" first to know that they are straight? No. Attraction occurs towards the opposite sex, regardless of if that person is actually able to date, kiss, sleep with, marry, etc.

If the OP feels attraction to both sexes, she feels it. You're invalidating her feelings; that's what a, well, ignorant parent might feel towards their child when they come out: "I don't think you feel this; you're only 16, it's just a phase; you just need to meet the right guy/girl to show you you're straight." How do you not see that your feelings are akin to what a parent might think, which might hurt the OP or any other person struggling with coming out to their parents?

Izzwoz

Last time I checked love wasn't a conditional thing

Agreed. But being bisexual instead of being straight 'gay', to me, would be more considered curiosity/promiscuity. Instead of telling your family who will judge you that you want to sleep with multiple people of different sexes, why not save something that big for the actual 'gay' presentation?

Edit: Saw you tried to say the "sleep" business was taken out of context. Still not sure how you think "But being bisexual instead of being straight 'gay', to me, would be more considered curiosity/promiscuity."

I have had plenty of gay friends, and even marched a few times too, but when it comes to bisexual - never really met anyone before.To me, someone who is bisexual is choosing to go back and forth between men and women to figure out what they want in life - so I would chart that as more curious. Forgive me for my ignorance if I am mistaken, but there are large debates on whether or not 'gay' is a choice or not, and being bi (varying men and women partners) to me is a choice.

Have you seen the shyte bisexual people get from every turn. Gays look down on them because they "aren't really gay", straights either tell them "you aren't bisexual, you are confused" or think of them as being such sluts that they can't even limit themselves to trying to bang 1/2 the people, or just lump them in with "the gays"

Why on earth would anyone CHOOSE that? Bisexuals cannot help being bisexual anymore than I can help being straight

Amen!! So being straight is obviously fine, being gay, hell if it has to be, fine, but being bisexual is "curious" or "confused". That confuses me. Oh, hang on, maybe that means you're right! People fall in love. For some people, it doesn't matter what sex the person is they fall in love with. That doesn't mean they are confused. It means they love a person for who they are and not what they are. When I met my girlfriend, she blew me away (still does). Even though I had only had relationships with men until that point, I just knew she's the one. Haven't been curious about being/dating/sleeping with anyone else since :-)

No_Finish_Line

idk, i'm pretty private about all things sexual especially with my parents. If it was me, i wouldn't bother telling them unless i was in some kind of commited relationship and the person would have to be around my family. then i 'd probably just show up with them and let my family figure it out lol.