anybody dealing w/ borderline personalities

lumox1212

let me know i post my question

dreamingspider

I am a boarderline personality Whats your question.

BigDnSW

Yes, a family member and an LPC, CPC (counseling) with BDP clients.

WDEvy

yes.

lumox1212

my borderline ex wife is rejecting our son. i understand why, and that it must be hard for her, but having a hard time deciding best way to protect him. i go over every fri. to drop him off for weekend, needless to say he hasnt stayed w/ her in over a mon. thoughts? its mutual between them

WDEvy

I'd keep him away until she's better and comes around. Especially if he's old enough to understand her mood swings.

dreamingspider

Best not to force the relationship. Honestly, the dislike is something she more then likely sees in herself that she dislikes plus it is taking away from her 'freedom'. Better to let things go. It hurts but better that way for your kid. Took me 3 years to get past that with my own daughter. I love her to death now and am more protective of her then one could imagine and I regret all the time I tried to spend away from her. But let things sort them selves out and let your son decied if he wants to be around her unless it is court mandated.
She needs therapy, and medication.
God knows I did.

Saiava

"Diagnosed" with BPD by my doctor.

BigDnSW

How old is your son?

sylviatx

I don't have borderline in my family but am dealing with bipolar in loved ones and have found the local chapter of NAMI to be of enormous help. They offer classes for family members, and support groups, and have all kinds of information available. I couldn't make it without them, and highly recommend getting involved.
http://www.nami.org/

invisibubble

Best not to force the relationship.

This. Been diagnosed with Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder Borderline Type for over 10 years now. All forcing things will do is make things worse for her and especially your son.
Is she on any medication or therapies currently?

lumox1212

my bad 5 years old,, he's getting more self confidence all the time but its tireless work. 1 month of reassurance in 1 minute she can have him in shambels, i could be enabling the situation but i think he should have a relationship w/ his mother or not my responsiblity i should take care of him best of my ability.. oh shes undiagnosed and i cant tell her or any of the people she tells im an a-hole

BigDnSW

Well, at 5 years old...I'd get him out of there and away from her. If she does not want help, she will damage your son. It is difficult to have a relationship with a BDP who does not know or does not get proper help. Now, that is general, professional advice. Check with your doc/therapist there and ask what is best for your son. Otherwise, he will go through the hell I went through with my mother who is a major BDP and I finally walked away from her totally.

Every situation has its own complications. Protect your son...you love him and he will thank you later. If your ex does get help...then maybe a change can be made in the relationship structure. And, take care of you, brother!

One last...I am a bit confused...she is "undiagnosed" as a BDP? How is it then determined she is? Not being mean, just covering the bases.

dreamingspider

My daughter is 6. For three years she delt with mommy psycho who just choose to work all the time and at night so she didn't have to deal with anything. I didn't get help (her father took me off all my medications thinking he could help me himself. He figured out after a year... he couldn't I was on them for a reason.) I have been back on them and the right ones for a few months now. My daughter and I have abetter relationship.
She knows... when I have and haven't taken my meds. She knows, even at 6 that I am doing the best I can to take care of her, and be the best mommy i can for her, and be involved.
But, in your situation, until his mother wakes up and sees she is destroying her son (took me seeing my daughter crying and asking why I didn't want to play with her ever) there is another you can do. You can't force her to have a relationship she doesn't want, normally something in the past is a trigger to the current situation.

WDEvy

oh shes undiagnosed and i cant tell her or any of the people she tells im an a-hole

Hmm.. If she's not diagnosed BPD, then what.. you just assume so? It's kind of a very specific thing with different classifications into it. I wouldn't go around labelling people BPD unless they are diagnosed by a psychiatrist ( not MD, no psychologist..)

WDEvy

Also, if she really is a "real" BPD. You need to keep a close eye on your son as he gets older. It's hereditary ( 1 in 4 chances) and it presents normally even worse in males than females. Just sayin.

lumox1212

i swear couldn,t have been w pshycologist , pshyciatrist ( the one that cant perscribe meds) more than 10 min. before she handed me "i hate you dont leave me" read it twice cover to cover, then i read "stop walking on eggshells" twice and numerous run thru's. i don't want to sound insensitive or intelligent . but she is a text book case study. but your right this is all heresay, the dr. never met her used the disclaimer, but i know her. see that white shirt in my photo she ripped that off me on my birthday beat me w/ a coat hanger , then when i tried to comfort her( yea seriously) she called the cops on me, so they could impart thier wisdom on me. sorry . any way about the boy

lumox1212

yea dr. said @10 years old she wanted to start keeping an eye on him

sandradev1

Edited to remove post.

billsica

NO, why, you have a problem? Come at me bro. yeah. If you have some issue or problem. fine. whatever.
I'm just going to cry myself to sleep now. Thanks for ruining my night, if you can live with yourself.

lumox1212

i totally agree that its so painful for her that its easier for her to keep him away, and i do ask her to go to the playground w/ us so they restablish some sort of connection but she angrily refuses. and the more self confident he becomes, she see it as an inditment against her, which only fuels the cycle.

knk1553

i swear couldn,t have been w pshycologist , pshyciatrist ( the one that cant perscribe meds) more than 10 min. before she handed me "i hate you dont leave me" read it twice cover to cover, then i read "stop walking on eggshells" twice and numerous run thru's. i don't want to sound insensitive or intelligent . but she is a text book case study. but your right this is all heresay, the dr. never met her used the disclaimer, but i know her. see that white shirt in my photo she ripped that off me on my birthday beat me w/ a coat hanger , then when i tried to comfort her( yea seriously) she called the cops on me, so they could impart thier wisdom on me. sorry . any way about the boy

Just because she's abusive doesn't mean she has BPD. many perpetrators of domestic violence tend to seem borderline because of how the cycle of abuse works. I won't go into details about it and bore you, but I really wouldn't slap a diagnosis on someone, especially if you arent qualified to do so. there are many disorders that have similar symptomology to BPD as well. However, if she has a history of being abusive and seems to have a strained and distant relationship with your son, I would keep a very close eye on him. She could become abusive towards him, and it doesn't have to just be physically. Abuse comes in all forms and it sounds like shes starting to be emotionally abusive. I would personally suggest talking to someone about getting your custody agreement changed to sole custody until she can get herself some help. I would also pay attention to your sons behaviors and if he starts acting out or in different ways than normal set him up with a pediatric counselor. He's at an age where the relationship can be extremely harmful to him.

Oh I'm in my final semester of my masters in counseling with a specialization In intimate partner violence and trauma induced mental illness and intern at the state psychiatric hospital. Just an FYI for qualifications.

sandradev1

Not too sure what's going on here, so edited to remove post. Goodnight all.

invisibubble

I find this rather insulting to be honest, you assume she's BPD cause she's acting like a *****? Noes. This is me done with this thread right here

lumox1212

NO, why, you have a problem? Come at me bro. yeah. If you have some issue or problem. fine. whatever.
I'm just going to cry myself to sleep now. Thanks for ruining my night, if you can live with yourself.

thanks for all your caring , it must have been difficult for everyone to share their opinions and stories, happy holidays and god bless

lumox1212

i know but i dont know what this is and if this is what i think it is i have a massive smile on my face. thank you everyone for your opinions, your all awesome happy holidays and god bless :yawn: