Adult family member wants to be spoon fed

upgetupgetup

"She's got a 'diet' mindset, I think because of her generation." Ouch. 51 here, grasshopper. Now I gotta go find my walker... think I left it near my Depends...

Oh no! I just meant that your generation was subjected pretty much systematically to some hurtful, wrong-headed ideas around food, for a long time. It's a hurdle, I think..

Hopelessone

I take your point, thanks, and agree.

But add into the mix that she's not a native English speaker, not tech-savvy, and has some culture-specific beliefs about what eating and food are about. Should have said, sorry!

That's tough but I still say tell her to count the calories and eat a balanced diet. The more straight forward it is then the more likely someone is going to be able to follow through with it; and by encouraging the easy fix you're only helping to set her up for the yo yo of dieting. If you don't mind sharing, what are the obstacles that you're up against as to her diet beliefs, etc?

^^^^^ This for sure. You/she are making way too many excuses in case of failure, which will probably happen because she doesn't sound like she wants to do anything herself. She either wants to lose the weight or she doesn't, you CAN'T DO IT FOR HER! Sorry if I sound *****y but I have people in my life that are like that too

megsmom2

This is the kind of person Jenny Craig or Nutrisystem can help. I don't espouse programs like that for most people...but they do work and maybe this kind of structure would help the OP's relative.

fiberartist219

She sounds manipulative and attention-seeking. I don't have the patience or empathy to deal with people who aren't serious about fixing themselves and just want to suck everyone around them into their drama. She sounds like someone I know. You can only do so much for her - SHE has to put the work in to make real, meaningful changes. Good luck! :flowerforyou:

I agree.

I know lots of folks in their 50s and I know lots of folks who aren't native English speakers that live healthy lives. Culture, age, and language are all excuses. If she wants to take better care of herself, she will.

I am sure she appreciates your concern, and it does help to take baby steps rather than getting overwhelmed with info about calorie counting and workouts.

Maybe you can refer her to a DVD program that comes with a meal plan. Those are pretty straightforward and everything is spelled out and easy.

upgetupgetup

This is the kind of person Jenny Craig or Nutrisystem can help. I don't espouse programs like that for most people...but they do work and maybe this kind of structure would help the OP's relative.

I think you're right. Structure will be easier to grasp and implement.

I mean, people are different, aren't they... Eg, I happen to like the flexibility and control I have in doing my solitary home workouts, and would hate the scheduling restrictions of a class. Someone else might prefer the energy and regularity of classes. Different strokes for different folks!

upgetupgetup

She sounds manipulative and attention-seeking. I don't have the patience or empathy to deal with people who aren't serious about fixing themselves and just want to suck everyone around them into their drama. She sounds like someone I know. You can only do so much for her - SHE has to put the work in to make real, meaningful changes. Good luck! :flowerforyou:

I agree.

I know lots of folks in their 50s and I know lots of folks who aren't native English speakers that live healthy lives. Culture, age, and language are all excuses. If she wants to take better care of herself, she will.

I am sure she appreciates your concern, and it does help to take baby steps rather than getting overwhelmed with info about calorie counting and workouts.

Maybe you can refer her to a DVD program that comes with a meal plan. Those are pretty straightforward and everything is spelled out and easy.

You're right as well. Maybe I'm overcomplicating things too (would not be unlikely). I read intensively about nutrition and fitness for two years, and am still learning, and enjoy it. It doesn't have to be that way for a plan to work.

bearkisses

great book called: eating less, by gillian something

it really changed my thinking about overeating as being a choice and that i am not a slave to myself, as well as that it isn't my weight that is the problem, and i can't set goals to lose weight, i have to set goals to eat less, healthier, etc., when she likened it to a smoker setting the goal of increasing their lung capacity it finally clicked!

cathdrew2

Gift her with a pedometer and a notebook for Christmas: if she just becomes self-aware through the commitment to logging you're halfway there!

AndiNorwich

You can't help her and you're buying into her B.S. by trying. Tell her to count calories, eat a balanced diet and watch her macros, and then back away. If she asks again, repeat the above.

Sometimes tough love is necessary.

AMEN!!!!! don't waste your time on her. if she wants it, then she needs to make the effort. It's like trying to help an alcoholic who won't put the bottle down. jsut cuz they've talked about it, doesn't mean that they are ready for it yet. if she shows any initiative, beyond talk...then help her.