where do you find the motivation when you've failed before

madmollydragon

Hi. I'm new to this site, but I've tried something like it in the past. I was fairly successful and got about halfway to my goal ... and then family came for a visit and I wasn't logging into the computer for that week and I had to hide my scales (or there would have been comments) and the family interactions were themselves stressful and depressing ... and then my family left and I never got back in the groove. Work was going downhill at that point as well and I ended up gaining back absolutely everything I'd lost. (A few years prior to that, I had an nearly identical situation where I was very successful following the Richard Simmons plan, got halfway to my goal, family visited for a stressful week, some other stressful stuff happened, and I gained everything back.)

Intellectually, I know what I need to do. I could write the weight loss book myself. But eating (especially high-fat, high-sugar comfort foods) seems to be my instant response to anxiety and depression. I get so disgusted with myself, not just the resulting weight gain, but the fact that my own self-destructive behaviors are to blame. I feel like a spoiled child stomping her feet and demanding ice cream. I'm a grown woman. Why can't I get beyond this?

We're not talking about small amounts where a bad week caused me to gain a few pounds. I yo-yo between morbidly obese and "just" obese. I've gotten to where I just need to lose five more pounds to be only "overweight" and then something happens that breaks my spirit and I give up. I'll kid myself that I've just hit a plateau and I'll hold steady for a month or two before losing more weight, but instead I gradually creep up each week that I think I'm "holding steady" and then my spirit breaks entirely and out of nowhere I'm back where I started.

Since being hired at my current job, I've gained 80 pounds and am solidly back in morbidly-obese territory. Many other coworkers have experienced dramatic weight gains. Several ex-smokers have started smoking again as well. And one friend who was lucky enough to transfer out of the department said she lost fifteen pounds in the first few months without even trying. So, I know a lot of this is being in a dispiriting environment. (The work itself should not even qualify as stressful, but the owner of the company has the kind of personality that has everyone on edge and walking on egg shells.)

All of this is just an excuse. It it weren't work, it would be family. If it weren't family, it would be work. In a perfect world where neither of those caused me anxiety, I'm sure I'd find something else to freak out about and use as an excuse for eating massive quantities of food.

So, I'm not only aware of what I need to be doing food/exercise-wise, I'm even self-aware enough of my emotional triggers and excuses to understand the psychological aspect. And yet ... I still don't know how to motivate myself to stick with a program for life. I've failed too many times before to believe myself when I try to say, "This time it will be different."

How do you motivate yourself to start again and how do you continue to motivate yourself through the rough patches?

MyOwnSunshine

I have definitely been where you are. The thing that helped me to make a permanent change in my life was finding a counselor who specializes in disordered eating and seeing her regularly over a period of several years.

While others may disagree, I will contend that people do not become morbidly obese simply because they "like food." There are underlying issues, usually a combination of biological and psychological/emotional factors, that create someone who has a deeply emotional relationship with food.

With all respect and kindness, I wish you well.