Using binging and starvation as form of self harm

batigol1985

Hey,

For last few years I have had a very healthy lifestyle - good eating habits and exercising regularly.

I had but on a lot of weight while traveling and lost it pretty quickly when I got home through unhealthy crash dieting and compulsive over-exercising. I had set a target weight and reached it.

In the past I never binged but it has crept in to my diet since the summer. Im not really happy personally and I feel I lack control in my life...to this ends I have used dieting and binging to have a sense of control. It started off with a week of less than 1000kcal a day...then I would binge (with no sense of being full) for a few days. this cycle has continued for a few months now. After each binge I then lose the weight by crash dieting. I have been thinking a lot about this and I know its wrong, unhealthy...etc. It has dawned on me that im using it as a form of punishment for not being happy in my life or having fullfilled my goals.

I used to love cooking healthy meals and trying new cuisines and recipes but I have even stopped this now and I eat fast food, microwave meals, nutrient lacking foods that I used to despise...again I think I am depriving myself of cooking as it was a thing that made me feel good as a means of further punishment.

I know I need to change and I have spoken to peoplebut I am wondering if anybody ahs had similar problems where you just want to hurt your body by starving it...then binging and hurting it in another way. I never feel good doing either.....