Why do people do this ?

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Replies

  • Retiredmom72
    Retiredmom72 Posts: 538 Member
    It is like offering you comfort but then the comments about weight slip into the conversation.

    Remind your father that you are cutting back. If you complimented him while he was cooking, maybe he did want another compliment. Continue to say No and ask that he save you some for tomorrow.

    If your plans are to go to the uni in the fall, have you applied? Work on your plans, especially if you will need financial support.
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
    My boyfriend will do this sometimes. And he will wheedle and even put it in front of me. "Just a taste, just a bite" he says. And he does this RIGHT AFTER I've had a full meal. It baffles me.

    Anymore, I just say "No" a couple of times and if that doesn't work I just outright get snippy.
  • nguk123
    nguk123 Posts: 223
    My boyfriend will do this sometimes. And he will wheedle and even put it in front of me. "Just a taste, just a bite" he says. And he does this RIGHT AFTER I've had a full meal. It baffles me.

    Anymore, I just say "No" a couple of times and if that doesn't work I just outright get snippy.

    Have you asked him why he performs this behaviour?
  • elsalily
    elsalily Posts: 47 Member
    stepdad : Do you want some soup ?

    Me (trying to revise) : No thanks, I've had my salad

    Stepdad : just a little bit

    Me : No I'm pretty full

    Stepdad : Just a little taster

    Me : No thanks, I've had my dinner

    Stepdad: You can have some of mine then

    all this coming from the ONE person who CONSTANTLY tells me I eat too much, I'm too fat, I need to eat less (I eat 3 meals a day, sometimes two, pretty good with my cals - expect when the baileys comes out), I used to be so pretty (bleurghh I'm not 5 anymore and my bf thinks I'm pretty :tongue: ) ...WHY THE HELL IS HE TRYING TO FORCE FEED ME only to then call me fat and an over eater ! I've eaten, I'm full and I don't want your damn soup !

    I know exactly what you mean.... my dad is like that, it's unbearable especially since my weight gain was medication related... oh well, sometimes there really is nothing more to say I guess. Have a great new year's eve :)
  • brandtsw
    brandtsw Posts: 51
    I know what you mean....I don't know the right answer but all I do know is you just have to sometimes be very blunt and say no over and over....sorry wish I had better advice....
  • LesleyGillan
    LesleyGillan Posts: 164
    I know what you mean....I don't know the right answer but all I do know is you just have to sometimes be very blunt and say no over and over....sorry wish I had better advice....

    I wish I had better advice too, but at least if you can get through those type of situations without giving in you know that you DID IT YOURSELF!!!!!!!!
  • Doodlewhopper
    Doodlewhopper Posts: 1,018 Member
    In the case of the OP it very well could have been a power struggle.

    Food has emotional ties. I cant think of my Cajun grandmother without thinking of her food. During my early morning runs I sometimes catch the scent of breakfast & I flash back to days on the river in our houseboat & remember my dad cooking fresh eggs, country bacon & whatever fish we caught...oh yeah, half cooked greasy potatoes! Damn that was great times.

    The momma bird nourishes the baby bird... Breaking bread together often infers love, intimacy or friendship. Maybe someone is trying to nourish a relationship, maybe it is paternal & maybe that person needs any reason to talk & uses the food until a new subject shows up.

    Urging someone to eat has different motivations, & maybe we need to stop and determine just where the offer is grounded before responding.
  • indiaalexis
    indiaalexis Posts: 13 Member
    This is very hard. I think people sub consciously try and sabatoge our weight loss. When we change they have to change in relationship to us. Just keep saying no and hopefully he will stop offering.
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
    My boyfriend will do this sometimes. And he will wheedle and even put it in front of me. "Just a taste, just a bite" he says. And he does this RIGHT AFTER I've had a full meal. It baffles me.

    Anymore, I just say "No" a couple of times and if that doesn't work I just outright get snippy.

    Have you asked him why he performs this behaviour?

    I have not. That's a good question and I think I will do so!
  • chava_aliza
    chava_aliza Posts: 3 Member
    This is very hard. I think people sub consciously try and sabatoge our weight loss. When we change they have to change in relationship to us. Just keep saying no and hopefully he will stop offering.

    I wouldn't necessarily jump to that conclusion right away, although some people may be guilty of it. It could be a number of things that have nothing to do with sabotage. I think something I have noticed when it comes to those who do things like this is the hesitancy to accept and embrace change, as well as what has already been mentioned concerning the relationship with food and family and whatnot. I know my family would never try to sabotage me when it come to my goals but it can sometimes take a conscious and determined effort to remind them to back off, and they haven't always been perfect about it but they have tried. There are bound to be slip ups occasionally. It doesn't seem like this situation is one of them but it very well could be.
  • SueGremlin
    SueGremlin Posts: 1,066 Member
    I seriously doubt that people actually intend to sabotage the eating habits of other people, although it can seem that way. Sure, it can happen, but someone actually setting out to sabotage another person's healthy eating habits?

    I have a coworker who helped me figure out what is really going on. I literally had to change jobs to get away from her, but she taught me some valuable lessons about personal boundaries and control. Last Christmas, she shoved a plate of cookies under my nose and said "I MADE COOKIES! HAVE ONE!". I thanked her politely and said no thank you. She actually got butthurt and I think maybe even threatened to start crying if I did not eat one of her cookies. I just looked at her. I don't like to discuss it, but I did say to her that I am working on my weight and that means having absolute control over what goes into my mouth, but thanks.

    "ONE COOKIE isn't going to hurt! Please try one"!?

    I just looked at her again. And blinked.

    She backed off, lower lip stuck out, pouting. She tried it several more times but eventually quit offering. She loves to control people, and that is not uncommon. People use food as a means for control sometimes.
    They also use food to show their love for people. I know I do that. I think that is a cultural thing. But I draw the line at trying to force people to eat something they do not want to eat.
  • ferb03
    ferb03 Posts: 82
    ]
    "

    Amen. And it goes beyond food! Misery loves company and when someone ISN'T eating/drinking/choosing right, they want to make sure they aren't alone.

    I can't help but get a little sarcastic when people don't respect my answer, "Do you not understand what I'm saying? Do you not know that water is a beverage? Do you not understand that I have eaten and don't want anything else? Let's talk about your sudden loss of the meaning of basic English words rather than my lack of appetite or desire to down a sugary beverage!"
    [/quote]

    No" is a complete sentence. Do not give any reason that they can try to tear down, wear down, or attack. And it's not rude either.

    [/quote]Some people are just food bullies and nothing you say will sink in unless you get in their face and bully them right back. Sorry but that is just the sad truth.
  • Alisa792
    Alisa792 Posts: 3 Member
    Do like everyone who's responded to you here says. Stand your ground. I'm lucky to have some pretty good support from my family because most of them are watching what they eat too. Some of them are diabetic so we don't have many sugary foods except around holidays.
    Misery does love company as someone said here. The people who are the closest to you and know the most about you are most likely to try to interrupt your goals. They criticize you and when you change whatever they're criticizing they want to stop you. Because they become attached to old behaviors--yours and theirs. When you change that dynamic, the implication is they have to change too. People don't like change--even when it's for their own good. So stand your ground, and keep up the great work.
  • zombilishious
    zombilishious Posts: 1,250 Member
    My husband does it constantly. He thinks he can cook. But he's the king of the deep fryer and boxed meals.... when he does try to "experiment" it is gross. He won't leave me alone until I've had a bite and tell him how awesome it is - even when I'm gagging! He's just starting to get better at understanding that I don't want to even taste it!

    I try to meal plan for the week and grocery shop based on it. I prep as much as I can on Sunday so I can make easy, healthy meals throughout the week no matter what dietary heart attack he is in the mood for.

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