Gaining some weight. Feeling sabotaged by family

clariemoo

Hi everyone...

I need to vent as I have just come back from a week of travelling with my relatives. To my horror, I stepped on the scale and gained almost 5lbs in just a week of not following my regular eating/exercise habits.

Basically I have been travelling with relatives and in the circumstances, we were eating out for all meals: breakfast, lunch and dinner. I'm not against eating out ... I maybe do it 1-3 times a week, but I also exercise and count my calories... Here, I couldn't really do any exercise because we were travelling a lot, so usually were in the train or the car. No room nor time to go jogging! We were mostly sedentary. The type of restaurants we went to were diners (even if I did propose healthier options: but majority rules) ... I tried to take healthier options on the diner's menu but either the salads were loaded with creamy dressing / fatty ingredients like cheese or my will power was too weak (e.g. I would start with a salad and finish with a calorie-dense desert). I hated not having any control on what I was eating and unable to resist temptation at times .

I think my aunt even thought I was borderline anorexic and was trying to "cure" me by making sure I ate a fatty food when I didn't feel like it... It's the most annoying feeling because I know that I have changed my lifestyle for the better through exercising but also counting my calories EVERY DAY because I want to be healthy on the long term (which is definitely not do-able with anorexia) . I love to eat as well even if it doesn't sound like it in my text. I just usually eat now in moderation (cheat days for me are important too) and also with the knowledge on what is the right way for me to lose/maintain weight.

Through out the trip, I felt like I was forced to eat (like a goose being prepped up to become a foie gras). Not because I was hungry but because or else my aunt would think I am anorexic because I have different eating habits then her.

My aunt is overweight and has been trying to lose weight her whole life but follows stupid fad diets. The food she eats is not necessarily unhealthy, but If she ate it in smaller portions, then I think that she could definitely lose her excess weight. I think also that she was jealous of me as she didnt even acknowledge my weight loss the whole time (the last time she saw me was when I was 30lbs heavier) and would divert the conversation every time it was about weight loss and eating habits, as i think it would make her think of her failed diet attempts, and so now she thinks she needs to accept the way she is even if it makes her unhappy.

At the end of week, I was starting to feel so "heavy" and bloated... from eating much richer/fatter foods then I usually do, gaining 5lbs in a short amount of time and also eating bigger portions then what I am used to now (basically going back to my old eating habits).

I shortened my trip with them mainly due to some work related reasons, but another minor reason that made me decide to do so is because I couldn't stand undoing all my efforts and feeling so bad about how I was consciously messing up my body!

I am maybe obsessed and over-reacting about gaining 5lbs ... But I just can't help it! I went from being almost 160lbs to 115lbs before going on holidays with family! Now that I know how to lose weight in a healthy manner, Im so scared of gaining it back but was definitely happy and proud of all the efforts I have done to go down to 115lbs! Anybody else has that feeling out gaining weight back? I read so many things about people getting upset against family members/friends that aren't really supportive or that just don't get it, and now I understand how horrible it feels.

Anyways, thanks for reading my! Feels good to write all this down.

SueGremlin

In the end, only you are responsible for what goes into your mouth. Nobody else can force you to eat anything. The best policy, I have found, is to not speak of your own eating habits, and do not involve anyone else. Don't expect others to accomodate you. You are the only responsible party. If someone insists, use the "broken record" technique. "No thank you". "No thank you". "No thank you". "No thank you". "No thank you". "No thank you". Change the topic, or be direct and say something like "I would like to discuss something other than my eating habits right now, thanks".

acogg

When you are older, the five pounds will be forgotten, but the memory of your time with family will be treasured.

quirkytizzy

In the end, only you are responsible for what goes into your mouth. Nobody else can force you to eat anything. The best policy, I have found, is to not speak of your own eating habits, and do not involve anyone else. Don't expect others to accomodate you. You are the only responsible party. If someone insists, use the "broken record" technique. "No thank you". "No thank you". "No thank you". "No thank you". "No thank you". "No thank you". Change the topic, or be direct and say something like "I would like to discuss something other than my eating habits right now, thanks".

Well said.

hendinerik

I hear ya - I am staying with the in-laws across country now, but I gained some back even before we left(was in goal weight range, now several pounds out of goal range), from all the holiday/family events (xmas, chanukah, etc..) In-laws are nice people, but not too focused on health or nutrition and they always have a ton of sweets and food around (too many options is not good for me because then I want all of the options!)
My main thing is I am trying to keep exercise going regardless of my eating, but I can imagine when traveling how that can be tough. It is very difficult to resist treats too when everyone around you is indulging in them.

Some things you could try in future:
--with salads, order dressing on the side (this way you can choose how much)
--order an appetizer as your main dish
--drink lots of water before the meal, or bring healthy snacks so you are never starving (with in-laws I find sometimes they wait forever to eat, and that's when I get starving and more susceptible to stuffing my face)
--seafood dishes are usually a little less bad depending on what's in them
--get up a half hour earlier and do some stretching, maybe some pushup or situp exercises, just to get some blood flowing and you can do that even in a bathroom.
--try to walk more if possible, or suggest taking a walk with a relative

For me I have 6 days more to go, so we'll see what I have to say in a week!

Happy holidays and good luck getting back to your routines!

ladypenel

I understand what you went through but only you put the food in your mouth however you learnt, albeit the hard way, that keep your 'food' preferences to yourself as other people either don't understand or may even be jealous and want to trip you up! I spend 2 weeks in Hong Kong recently and lucky for me managed the food so didn't gain but lost! But also over Crimbo visited a friend who did everything they could to feed me up with cakes, pies etc It was hard to say no, not because I like those things but because I was a guest in their home but I managed it. You have come so far and you'll continue to the end just learn from this and good luck!

DebraYvonne

I tried to just enjoy what I love and not eat the other fattening stuff. For instance, rolls do nothing for me but my mom's dressing and orange cake are divine! I have found with other people telling them I have pre-diabetes discourages them from trying to get me to over-indulgence. Best of luck! Stay strong :happy:

justtodayjen333

So I have a Mom who tries to show her love by cooking huge meals at Christmas -- plus lots of treats and sugar. So I feel some guilt if I don't eat her food! It becomes emotional games for me! It is challenging when your environment has so many temptations! I do agree that ultimately -- it's up to you! So even though I ate tons of food over the holidays and lost a good chunk of my momentum, it's in my control to turn things around. It's tough! But it's doable! Good luck!:) Love the suggestions given here!:)

tobejune

I can relate to how frustrating this type of situation is but, like another poster said, it does come down to you putting the food into your mouth.

I really agree with what the other person said about being a broken record, "no thank you." Some other tips for eating in restaurants that have worked for me is to NOT order a salad, order what I really want, then ask for an extra plate, portion a healthy amount, and ask the server to take the extra away. Yes, people often comment negatively on this. My response is "This is how much food my body needs. The rest is a waste either in my body or in the trash." Also, sharing a dessert with 1-3 other people usually helps in that arena.

Keep your head positive, you lose the 5 pounds once already, you can do it again.

slacker80

I definately understand your discontent. I like most others have been in the same boat for at least one time out of every year. When I travel I like to enjoy the local cuisine, and most of my pals feel the same way. Vacations are meant to relax and enjoy. Typically when my trip is complete I use that time off to rest as I prepare to start a new exercise/diet program right after.

and yeah 5 lbs seems to be the 1 week average gain when on vacation. Although I advocate to just enjoy yourself on your next vacation, Food/rest wise that is, I too still beat myself up just the same.

Nobody cooks better than my momma you can bet that the one time out of the year I get to visit her. I'm putting every dish on the menu! haha.

CyberEd312

You and you alone are the only one that can dictate your path in life and that means taking responsibility for your actions. No one can make you eat something you didn't decide to have in the first place. I am quite blunt with my friends and family when it comes to my weight loss and eating habits and it did not take them long to figure out what that meant, Our neighbors that bring around the cookies and sweet trays for Xmas baked healthier options (just for me) because they are well aware if they brought anything else it would find its way into the trash can. My one neighbor brought over a low sodium spiral ham instead of the usual plate of cookies and fudge. Known of them are offended by it and alot admire my dedication and determination to be healthy even if they do not wish to follow the same path. All that being said we went on vacation (OBX) in May and I made the choice to break my eating plan and there was donuts, and doritoes, and pizza (it was pretty epic) and I was expecting a weight gain and when I came home I was up 7 lbs. on the scale. Focused in on what needed to be done and within 3 weeks was back on track... Just know you control these things, no one else..... Best of Luck....

tpt1950

You have to be your own advocate. Some people will sabotage you because they themselves don't have the fortitude to lose weight or the conviction to stick to something for the long haul - you have to see beyond that and even if it takes you telling them over and over, so be it. This is your future and your well-being - that should matter enough to put up with their harping and get through it. I come from an italian family and we all love to eat and my mom's cooking is no exception. When I lost all this weight she was happy for me, but now that I am still trying to lose that last 20 pounds, she says that I don't have to impress anyone.... she just doesn't get it!! and perhaps it's because my mom has never been overweight, I don't know, but it does not deter me from saying "no thanks" to her many and repeated efforts of trying to make me eat the way I used to when at her place... It's up to you and only you to make the right decisions for yourself. Five pounds is do-able, so get right back in the game and do whatever you did to lose all the rest of the pounds. Don't forget that this is a life time trip - it's not a destination that you get to. After you lose all the weight you wish to lose, the struggle continues - maintenance is an on-going journey - soooo, if you gain a couple pounds every now and then, just get back on track and keep on pluggin' away - YOU CAN DO IT !!!

slacker80

You and you alone are the only one that can dictate your path in life and that means taking responsibility for your actions.

Wow!!! 1000000% agree with Eddavenport! Man with plenty experience. Freaking Remarkable! I'm still in Awe