A Re-Introduction and Friends

JenCM

I'm "re-introducing" myself to you all.
I feel like this last year, I Lost me. At least I lost who I was becoming as I lost my weight.
As of just over a year ago, I had lost 140 lbs. I was doing good, had settled into losing about 4 lbs a month or so, things were good. I was about 40-50 lbs to my goal and looking forward to it.
Then I started getting off a little at a time and gaining small amounts back. Then I had a really really bad March and April where I wasn't doing great physically and was on some mis-prescribed meds and that and stress started weight coming back on, despite trying to get back eating well. I just couldn't do much physically and frankly felt at times like I was dying. Lots of issues, all stupid, but I got second and third opinions and got off the meds and slowly got back to "normal". However, then a lot of things lead to me eating badly again, doing less, etc. And I started putting on about 3-4 lbs a month. Which doesn't seem like much when you're still heavy and I didn't notice much for a few months. But fast forward to now, I'm back up to a weight I never hoped to see again, I've gained 80 lbs back all total.
I am miserable, truly. I hate myself because I feel like a failure and I am a failure. I have failed time after time. I realize I've lost nearly 300 lbs in my struggle with weight and I'm still fat. That hurts.
I'm re-starting my journey again, I pray for the last time. I pray THIS time I'll do it.
Over time I've lost a fair amount of my friend list to inactivity or people deleting me because I don't log daily. I'd like to build up a better motivation and support group - that's where you all come in I suppose.
If you'd like, feel free to add me. I'm going to attempt to log my food and activity, but I can't promise I'm going to be great at it. I do log in daily and check in. Would like anyone to just encourage me when I need it and I'll try to do the same for you.

Happy New Year to all!