Being called a "fat *kitten*" by my husband....

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  • monjacq1964
    monjacq1964 Posts: 291 Member
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    verbal abuse is not right. Does HE believe in respect for his fellow human being????
  • tmartini2013
    tmartini2013 Posts: 3
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    do you believe in abuse as well ?? that's exactly what that is dear... take it from someone who's been there..
    im 52 years old and been married 5 times... I will NEVER stick around and let someone abuse my mind and
    hurt me in that ..or ANY OTHER way again... some people just ARENT meant to be together...you cant love
    someone all better... if you stay you will be damaged emotionally and psychologically.. who knows ... that may evolve into
    physical too... its your good health your flirting with danger with... if you don't love YOURSELF...who will ??
  • tmartini2013
    tmartini2013 Posts: 3
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    and if he apologized...well...guess what... that is the classic cycle of abuse...duh
  • Squrtea
    Squrtea Posts: 20 Member
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    My husband was kinda like that and now.. 25 pounds lighter.. he shuts the heck up! We hiked to a high mountain lake and I left him in the dust.. You can do it. Find some program that you like and stick it out for 3 months. It's rough when you dont get support.. I work out 6 days a week and my husband still thinks it's stupid but I don't listen to him.. I do it for me! And love every minute of my workouts!
  • DuhhMuffin
    DuhhMuffin Posts: 198
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    I know this isn't what you wanted people to say, but if someone was being verbally abusive like that to me, vows be damned! I wouldn't put up with that. I'd tell him to get his act together or hit the road.
  • ChinniP
    ChinniP Posts: 166 Member
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    ... my son told his father 13 months ago that he KNEW his daddy would never love him they way mommy, Noni and Baba do. He also informed him that he KNEW his daddy didn't want him and that Mommy had been telling him that daddy DID want him and loved him.

    Ok that is really sad. I hope your husband knows that his son will never love him the way he loves his mommy, Noni and Baba. He'll be darn lucky if he loves him at all once he grows up.
  • gingerveg
    gingerveg Posts: 748 Member
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    removed posts because it sounds like this is resolved
  • Elf_Princess1210
    Elf_Princess1210 Posts: 895 Member
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    doesn't really help. I've been dieting and doing light exercise. Just because I wanted to put our kids down for a nap after lunch and let my food digest before going for a 4 mile long walk doesn't make me lazy. I never said we weren't going to go, just that I wanted to wait a few hours. However, being called a lazy fat *kitten* by him doesn't really make me feel all that motivated to work out. Being told that I will never be thin again, that I will never be good for anything, and that I'm stupid isn't going to fix anything and just makes me feel worse about what little progress I've made. It also doesn't really help my depression. I know everyone's going to say to just leave him, but I actually believe in my marriage vows and don't believe in divorce.

    I believe in marriage vows as well. You don't need to be abused like that. No matter how many times he says he is sorry, he isn't. Its going to keep escalating until he starts hitting you and who knows what else. Try counseling first. if he's not willing to go into marriage counseling,kick him to the curb.
  • missythomas927
    missythomas927 Posts: 6
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    I was in an abusive marriage myself for almost 12 years. I stayed for my children and because I didn't really believe in divorce. When children hear and see parents being abusive to eachother they learn that it is acceptable behavior. It is not acceptable and I don't want my daughters to their husbands are supposed to talk to them like that. I know that now. I sure hope that some day you will be able to believe in yourself enough to find someone who really appreciates you for who you are. Sorry, to preach. I know that everybody does what they feel is best for them in their own time. :flowerforyou:
  • Handsett
    Handsett Posts: 37 Member
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    I'm sorry that he said that to you. He should not have and you don't deserve that kind of abuse. You should confront him and make sure he knows that his behavior is unacceptable. He should be on your side and be your support, not your downfall. Make sure you two are on the same page.
  • glovepuppet
    glovepuppet Posts: 1,713 Member
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    your children deserve better than to grow up seeing their mother being abused.
    too often, kids who grow up watching/hearing this stuff become the abused or the abuser in their own adult relationships.
  • bdeezy3396
    bdeezy3396 Posts: 89 Member
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    Sorry to hear that, I can't imagine saying those things to my wife. Any regards the problem is his and not yours. I don't know what he's generally like as a person, but that sounds very mean and hateful.
  • mmaurer219
    mmaurer219 Posts: 1
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    Hi am new here and I have alot of feelings about your post. When my wife and I decided to get married she wanted prenup, for me not to drink. that bothered me so I turned around and ask for my wife remain thin, I am not attracted to over weight people and she agreed to stay thin. 13 years later I still don't drink but she has gained 50% her body weight.I still love her and would not love more if she was thin. I did call her big mam,Then I thought about her feelings and decided that wasnt helping her with her weight problem. I am ashamed for calling her big mama, I now call her hot mama.
    She has started this weight loss program and i am so happy for her. My wife is my best friend fat or skinny, I wouldnt want any other women then her, But I do worry about her heath so am also counting calories for my self and her.
    YOUR HUSBAND SHOULD NOT CALL YOU FAT *kitten* EVER PERIOD.
    NO ONE CAN LOSE WEIGHT UNTIL THEY ARE READY, no insult will help only hurt
    I AM SORRY FOR WHAT YOUR HUSBAND HAS SAID TO YOU AND YOU SHOULD TELL HIM HOW IT MAKES YOU FEEL.
    FAT OR SKINNY DOES NOT MAKE LOVE, PEOPLE DO.
    LOVE DOES NOT COME FROM ATTRACTION. ATTRACTION ONLY BRINGS US TOGETHER.
    EVERY THING ELSE KEEPS US TOGETHER









































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  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
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    Without reading this whole thread, what he has said to you and the way he is treating you is flat out wrong and unacceptable.

    I do truly believe in marriage and vows. But I also believe verbal and emotional abuse is so dangerous and harmful. To the entire family. The precedent it sets for your children is also dangerous. You don't want them to think that is what constitutes as normal loving behavior and what a marriage should be.


    Seek counseling and if he won't go, find a lawyer.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    I actually believe in my marriage vows and don't believe in divorce.
    Don't marriage vows include something about cherishing and honoring the other person?
  • zombilishious
    zombilishious Posts: 1,250 Member
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    And he's still alive? Is his manhood intact?
  • Goldie_13
    Goldie_13 Posts: 71
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    I'm so sorry he said that to you & made you feel bad. My husband would never ever say something like that to me & I don't know how I'd handle it if he did. Get healthy & in shape for you & if he continues the verbal abuse I'd seek counseling as well & if he refuses to work on y'alls marriage then find a divorce attorney. Good luck!
  • bringnsparkleback
    bringnsparkleback Posts: 18 Member
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    What a rude "dumb *kitten*". Good for you for recognizing that you can always do better and be better. Don't take his words to heart. I spent 13 years in a marriage where my weight loss effort (I lost 80lbs) went un-noticed. No encouragement, no recognition and he didn't even come to my very first run/walk 5 miler I did. My mom brought my kids down to the race to see me cross the finish line and took pictures. You can do this and you need to focus on your success and not negative word phrases from others. Good luck sweetie.
  • sugboog29
    sugboog29 Posts: 630 Member
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    doesn't really help. I've been dieting and doing light exercise. Just because I wanted to put our kids down for a nap after lunch and let my food digest before going for a 4 mile long walk doesn't make me lazy. I never said we weren't going to go, just that I wanted to wait a few hours. However, being called a lazy fat *kitten* by him doesn't really make me feel all that motivated to work out. Being told that I will never be thin again, that I will never be good for anything, and that I'm stupid isn't going to fix anything and just makes me feel worse about what little progress I've made. It also doesn't really help my depression. I know everyone's going to say to just leave him, but I actually believe in my marriage vows and don't believe in divorce.

    Don't do this for him...do this for you. As some others have said...prove him wrong. Become the healthiest mom your kids can have...do it for them as well as yourself Show him he is WRONG!
  • clarkeje1
    clarkeje1 Posts: 1,627 Member
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    I don't believe in divorce either except in the case of abuse. This is emotionally and psychologically abusive and I think either some intense counseling is in order or else leave his ***** *kitten*!

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