my own ball and chain

annehdavis

WARNING RANT ABOUT TO HAPPEN. I started a new healthy life style about two years ago. I was going to the gym and logging all my foods. I would spend my down time supporting others on here. I lost 65 lbs and was smaller then I have been since I was over 18. Everyone was saying how good I looked and giving complements all over the place. The haters were mad as hell as they did not want me to succeed. Well this summer my father fell ill. He was in and out of the hospital and then finally passed away on 7-30-12. I was at 209. Then it happened. I started eating and eating and eating. I was eating two meals at a time. Now to say I am emotional eater is an understatement. I at the same time financially was trying to maintain his home and ours so I would not lose his house. I was working on a home equity line of credit to pay his house off and keep it. I had several pokers in the fire. I was having anxiety attacks. Work was suffering. I gained and gained. I was keeping track of my weight gain all the while in self destruct mode. I could see myself getting bigger then my clothes did not fit and it got worse. I hate myself. I was so proud of myself. Looking back I have not been sad (crying and depressed) over dads death. I believe this is because I have been eating all my sorrows. I have done good today. One day at a time. As long as a practice some self control I can get back to my 209 weight and beyond. I feel so weak most of the time. I am going to try to get back to the gym at least once this weekend. Then build from there. I need to prove to myself I can get back to the stability I once had.

ruckerbenton

Keep in mind that you are among the many who eat emotionally. It seems you have some insight but, I find, that insight doesn't mean a whole lot when the behaviors are not congruent. So, how do I help you...I too have been eating emotionally for the last few days and have not been logging or I log and leave stuff off. I have had some yo-yoing so I loose 8 lbs one week and gain 9 the next--this has me so frustrated. I went from a 25 lb loss back to 15 lb loss. I had some not so great news recently that also threw me. How do we keep on going? I guess we have to put one foot in front of the other, hide our forks, fill the fridge with healthy stuff, keep moving, log every day and all the other things we know we have to do. We have to recognize our emotional stuff and get help rather than allowing ourselves to self-destruct. We have to be strong, committed and loyal to ourselves. You...and I...can do this. Your goal can be reached--I look forward to seeing you here! Hang in there!

Christy175

I wish you all of the success you hope for! Grief is very hard, and I am sorry for your loss. Just from my own experience (my Mom died in October 2011) time really helps heal. 2011-2012 was a rough year for me too. I overate to make myself feel better and got over 300lbs. But as I am working on becoming healthy-not just weight loss but taking better care of myself in general, that is also helping the grief.

Just be strong, and patient (that is the hard part for me) things will start looking up. If you would like, please add me as a friend!

FittingIn

You have had your fair share of challenges. As you have come to realize, food doesn't equate with happiness. The momentary pleasure feels shallow when compared to the feelings we all have when we can see the success we have achieved.

It takes, work, but reorienting your source of happiness might help. Then, it is just a daily battle. :-)

CallMeCupcakeDammit

You may find going to the gym and getting in a good workout is better therapy than food. Kickboxing is the thing that makes me feel better. There's something about throwing a punch that I love. I used to be an emotional eater/drinker, and I've gotten a much better hold on it. I can't say it's gone completely away, but I am able to tell myself food is not what I'm really looking for, and I force myself to walk out of the kitchen. Is anyone helping you? It seems like you have an awful lot put on your shoulders. I'm very sorry for the loss of your father. Best wishes.

taylorsharonm

Condolences on your loss. I know what emotional eating is about and share your frustrations. A setback , however large or small only remains one if you let it defeat you. There is only one rule about how many times we might pick ourselves back up and start again...that rule is that we DO IT.

Thanks for sharing your rant....it reminded me of my own setbacks and helped me to recommit.

JesterMFP

I know you must be incredibly disappointed, but try not to hate yourself. That will just feed into that whole messed up way of thinking. The fact is that you've had a really difficult and stressful year, having to deal with grief and anxiety as well as the stress of finances, and you took care of yourself by turning to your tried and true coping mechanism. It's something that I'm sure many, many people on MFP can identify with as it's what got a lot of us into the position of needing to lose weight. Overeating works on some level, otherwise we wouldn't do it, but as you're aware, it doesn't really work, not deep down.

So, now, it sounds like you're ready to turn things around. You've already proved to yourself that you can achieve that weight loss. Now, you can do it again, with the benefit of a few more lessons learned. I think it's interesting that you're aware of not really feeling the sadness over your dad. You might find you have to deal with that as you get a handle on your eating. One step at a time, you can do this.

Veganniee

I don't have any advice. Mainly because I'm not in a position to advise anyone, but when my dad died 10 years ago, I didn't deal with it and only recently realised I ate obsessively to try to self medicate my grief. It took me this long to realise because I gave up smoking at the same time. For years I blamed that for my weight gain. Obviously the real blame lay with me eating constantly, but I didn't see that.

Maybe the insight you have is what will spur you on. Good luck xx

GiddyupTim

So glad to hear you are working again. There will be progress. Keep it up. Thanks for sharing.