Spouse/partner etc, is paranoid
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That sucks. Have you offered to have him come with so he can see what you do ?0
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I have experienced that. In fact, I was asked not long ago if I met someone there. My response was WTF was that question about?
I have never given reason to be distrusted. It was just his own insecurities coming to light.
I told him he was welcome to join the gym anytime he wanted but that I would not stop going. It was non negotiable.
I later found out it was more about me going to the gym than anything else.0 -
Like sm1zzle mentioned, try inviting him along one time to show him the gym and what you do. I don't know about your gym, but most people at mine do not socialize while they are working out - let alone flirting and getting to know each other. If he doesn't want to go to the gym with you, that is fine, but he needs to get over his paranoia and learn to trust you more - especially if you have not given him any reason to distrust you. Trust is important - paranoia and jealousy will drive one crazy.0
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Once when my husband and I started dating I made the comment that I liked to watch men working out and I do it's very attractive to see a good looking well built man lifting weights, that being said I wasn't trying to make him jealous or anything I just wanted us to start working out together, I was hoping that if I said that to him he would want to work out with me, well needless to say that backfired and to this day he wont let me get a gym membership because he thinks i'm going to check out other men and he often jokes about me trying to get back in shape so I can find someone else. I hate it when he says stuff like that because I love him so much and I wouldn't do anything to mess us up, but I guess I done this to myself lol0
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I have invited him to the gym, he even had a membership at one stage . but he lost interest quickly.
I have given him no reason i wanna replace him, i love him to bits. I go to the gym to kick some serious calories and build muscle not to chat or flirt!!! hopefully some time soon he will get over it. thanks guys0 -
Just as an aside, I have this basic theory that women generally don't go to the gym to hook up with guys. Therefore despite all the sweating and skin it's one of the least likely places a person will meet someone in that way. FWIW my wife agrees, in some ways people are at their least presentable and most awkward at the gym.
It's only the fevered delusions of 'dudes' who think the gym is a good pick up joint. :smokin:0 -
Once when my husband and I started dating I made the comment that I liked to watch men working out and I do it's very attractive to see a good looking well built man lifting weights, that being said I wasn't trying to make him jealous or anything I just wanted us to start working out together, I was hoping that if I said that to him he would want to work out with me, well needless to say that backfired and to this day he wont let me get a gym membership because he thinks i'm going to check out other men and he often jokes about me trying to get back in shape so I can find someone else. I hate it when he says stuff like that because I love him so much and I wouldn't do anything to mess us up, but I guess I done this to myself lol
Whoa. I'm sorry... That's awful. I think that's a jerk of a thing to do, no man should be that controlling.0 -
My guess is that he's very insecure about his own level of fitness. I don't really have any good suggestions for how to help if he's both insecure and unmotivated to change (which it sounds like). It is next to impossible to light a fire under someone else's *kitten*. When he went before, did you go together? Maybe he feels embarrassed letting you see that he is unfit while you're there with him. He might need some guy buddies to go with on his own time, rather than feeling exposed with you there.0
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Just as an aside, I have this basic theory that women generally don't go to the gym to hook up with guys. Therefore despite all the sweating and skin it's one of the least likely places a person will meet someone in that way. FWIW my wife agrees, in some ways people are at their least presentable and most awkward at the gym.
It's only the fevered delusions of 'dudes' who think the gym is a good pick up joint. :smokin:
Hey I met my ex at the gym while she was being crushed by the leg press machine.0 -
That sucks. Have you offered to have him go to therapy so he can work out his trust and insecurity issues ?
Fixed.0 -
My husband doens't go to the gym nor does he want to. Yesterday, he accompanied me and the kids for a swim. During this time I met two professional rugby players in the hot tub and sauna. He was where he could see me. I asked them to say hi to my son who is a big fan of the team they play for. My husband was chuffed, laughed at how giggly I got in front of these two hunks and was 100% ok with me swooning over them. No more than if he got chatting to a few bikini models I'd not be jealous. First of all, I know he loves me and would never do anything to hurt me. Second of all, he didn't have his eyes or his sex drive removed when we got married!
In the end, I love my hubby and tho he may not be 6'5" and built like a brick ****house, it's him I want to come home to every night. He knows that!
Maybe your fella doesn't feel that way? Jealousy within reason is ok. Jealousy is a sign of other problems either in his head or in your relationship so you should talk about it!0 -
That sucks. Have you offered to have him go to therapy so he can work out his trust and insecurity issues ?
^ This....another reason it is good to be single.....lmao!0 -
Just break up0
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Once when my husband and I started dating I made the comment that I liked to watch men working out and I do it's very attractive to see a good looking well built man lifting weights, that being said I wasn't trying to make him jealous or anything I just wanted us to start working out together, I was hoping that if I said that to him he would want to work out with me, well needless to say that backfired and to this day he wont let me get a gym membership because he thinks i'm going to check out other men and he often jokes about me trying to get back in shape so I can find someone else. I hate it when he says stuff like that because I love him so much and I wouldn't do anything to mess us up, but I guess I done this to myself lol
Whoa. I'm sorry... That's awful. I think that's a jerk of a thing to do, no man should be that controlling.
and if you do get the membership what will really happen, if he is abusive it is time for him to go anyway0 -
Just break up
:brokenheart:0 -
Just break up
*mwwwwwaaaahhhh*
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no.
the concept of this is, thankfully, foreign to me.0 -
That sucks. Have you offered to have him go to therapy so he can work out his trust and insecurity issues ?
Fixed.
^YEP.
And the day that my husband started questioning my motives when I have never, ever done anything in our marriage, ever, to have to mistrust me.... there would be a nuclear junk-punch heard 'round the world. Have you ever given him a reason to think you're like that?0 -
I think when one person is getting serious about health and fitness and the other is not, there are some insecurities that come to the surface. There are dots being connected here, even if they're just imaginary dots...i.e. you become healthier and more fit, you become more attractive...you become more attractive and obviously other people will be attracted to you...one things leads to another and bada bing! There's also probably a component in there of feeling that the more attractive you become, the less attractive/appealing he may be and basically that you'd be too attractive for him.0
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It's really sad that your husband wont "let you" get a gym membership. It sounds like he is really insecure with himself, and has his own body issues. Most people who aren't supportive of their partner's want to lose weight/work out are doing it to "keep them down."0
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I'm honestly kinda questioning this myself. I don't go to the gym. I bought all the equipment to do things at home. This was for my own benefit because time isn't my friend. However I get mixed feelings about my husband's "encouragement & excitement" in my quest for a healthier/fit me. Sometimes he seems excited and on board making comments on how well I've done, or how he has a hot wife. Othertimes he seems to not be, whether it's like WTF is HER reason for wanting this, or trying to sabotage me by offering me things I don't want/shouldn't have.0
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No. My wife knows that I go to the gym to work. In fact, she's liking the results.0
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That sucks. Have you offered to have him go to therapy so he can work out his trust and insecurity issues ?
Fixed.
^YEP.
And the day that my husband started questioning my motives when I have never, ever done anything in our marriage, ever, to have to mistrust me.... there would be a nuclear junk-punch heard 'round the world. Have you ever given him a reason to think you're like that?
nucleur junk-punch heard 'round the world...omg..I am stealing this line from you....EPIC0 -
It's probably not about the gym exactly. Join a book group, a theater group, take an academic course....and the same thing may crop up.
Good luck!0 -
I think a spouse can become jealous when they see their significant other looking better and feeling better about themselves. Others start to notice this change too, the smile, the confidence they gain. My wife will get annoyed when I go to the gym a lot and she doesn't get the chance to go as often. I think when she does, it more of me spending too much of my free time at the gym. So I scale it back down a bit and do get her to go every now and then. I wish I could go everyday. I feel as a man my body needs it and almost craves it.0
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That sucks. Have you offered to have him go to therapy so he can work out his trust and insecurity issues ?
^ This....another reason it is good to be single.....lmao!
hmmm.
A simple conversation and/or inclusive gesture could cure the issue. No need to suggest the guy needs therapy.0 -
He is obviously an insecure person. I have never been and neither is my husband. Have him go with you and see that it is all about working out not trying to attract attention.0
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My husband did all the time. He's now my ex husband.0
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That sucks. Have you offered to have him go to therapy so he can work out his trust and insecurity issues ?
^ This....another reason it is good to be single.....lmao!
hmmm.
A simple conversation and/or inclusive gesture could cure the issue. No need to suggest the guy needs therapy.
No it doesn't. Then you are behaving only because he or she is there.0 -
I'm not sure what fantasy gym he thinks it is, but the gym I go to is not full of "hotties". Maybe he should reframe how he sees the gym - he does realize that most people are out of shape and trying to get in shape there, right? LOL!0
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