The issues with my family about becoming vegetarian...

padfoot3179

I've been an off an on vegetarian for about a year. My husband and I are moving in with my brother in law and his girlfriend at the end of the month and they are both vegan. I want to become a permanent vegetarian when we move but there are a few problems:

My husband and his mother both think it's silly. They constantly mock my brother in law for doing it because it's too much work. My husband is all for eating more veggies but he works full time and also goes to law school at night so I usually make food for him. Isn't that defeating my purpose if I cook meat but don't eat it? He said he's not planning on cutting out meat anytime soon. I want to become vegetarian because I hate to see animals treated the way they are and I refuse to consume a grass eating herbivore that's been fed a steady diet of dead animals and grain. I also don't want to annoy my mother in law by making her prepare special dishes for me at special gatherings. Any tips as to how to handle these issues?:frown:

Monticello

I feel your pain. My first period of vegetarianism was made very difficult by living at home after returning from college and not being the primary cook in the family. I went veg again three years ago. A lot of people including loved ones will be unsupportive or have uninformed critiques of your choice.

As far as cooking meat for your husband, I'm reminded of when I was a child where this was a frequent occurrence: Me - "I don't want to eat X." My mom - "Well, that's what I made for dinner, so you're gonna have to learn to cook if you don't like it." Just make something yummy that you want to eat. If he doesn't like it he knows where the fridge and the stove is.

Firefox7275

So your husband and his mother are bad mannered/ intolerant/ insensitive/ prejudiced? I wouldn't be cooking meat for someone like that I'd cook vegetarian food, if he wants meat he can cook in bulk and add it himself.

Don't attend food based gatherings with bad mannered/ intolerant/ insensitive/ prejudiced people or take a vegetarian dish and have it with any veggie friendly elements of a meal. Two of my vegetarian friends (not related to one another) are quite relaxed about what they eat when they visit as long as there is no actual meat - they don't freak out about whether the cheese or seasonings are strictly vegetarian. I do my best obviously.

caribougal

If you have to prepare meat for your hubby, why don't you buy the following:

1. beef from a (local, if possible) organic grass-fed farm. All they eat is grass, and sometimes hay in winter.
2. pastured chicken from a (local, if possible) organic farm
3. pastured or at least humanely-raised pork from a (local, if possible) organic farm
4. wild-caught seafood fished in a sustainable manner (whole foods labels everything).

www.eatwild.com is a good directory to find local sources of high quality meats
http://www.grasslandbeef.com is a good source if you can't find anything local

You'll feel better knowing that your meat was sourced responsibly. And it will be healthier meat for your hubby to consume. And you'll be spending your money to support farms that humanely raise the animals, and usually they also use responsible processors.

BlueObsidian

I was a vegetarian for 12 years. In college, I used to cook a big weekly dinner for a bunch of my friends. One of their significant others was always making fun of me for not eating meat. However, every week he ate and enjoyed my vegetarian cooking and frequently scarfed down seconds. I didn't make a big deal out of the fact that there was no meat in the dish.

Find some great recipes that are similar to things he enjoys. I used to make three-bean enchiladas all the time. Same thing with veggie lasagna. When you go to a family event, ask if you can bring a side dish. Most people will appreciate that you want to contribute and you can bring something you know you can eat.

Oh, and when I was in law school and working, I still managed to feed myself. He won't starve if you don't want to cook him meat. He'll eat what you make, or find something else in the kitchen that he likes better.

daffodilsoup

I love preparing food for my loved ones - especially when they are busy and could use help preparing meals. However, they all know that morally, I am not comfortable handling or preparing meat or other animal products.

I make some delicious, DELICIOUS animal-free entrees, and I will happily make those for others. However, if they want meat, eggs, cheese, whatever, that's on them. If you have meat lovers in the house, why not try savory, satisfying proteins - tempeh, seitan, big fat lentil burgers - it doesn't all have to be tofu and bean sprouts.

You could open it up to your husband like this - I want to help you prepare for your week, but I'm just not comfortable handling meat as part of my lifestyle anymore. I'd be happy to prepare vegetarian dishes for you, though! That way you're not just pulling out of helping him completely, but you're sticking to what you believe is right.

Kimberly250r

When I first became vegetarian, my parents, but especially my brothers would make fun of me. My brothers would say stuff like "there's a lot of grass outside, go eat it" when I asked my parents what was for dinner. I didn't take it the wrong way, they were just joking. But eventually my older brother would basically shove meat in my face and tell me if I wanted some, or say that he'd secretly put meat in my food when I wasn't expecting. I can take the teasing and joking, but I won't tolerate blatant disrespect. I think that the only reason people act this way is because they feel that by becoming vegetarian you are basically saying 'I'm better than you and care about animals, unlike you.'

When I first decided to become vegetarian, I didn't want to touch meat or help out with dinner. But now, I don't mind it. In fact, I shop for meat and fish products for my family. I generally choose products that are not from a factory because of the conditions the animals are treated. That way you won't feel too bad about the animals or feel silly about make meat and not eating it.

I'm sure if you make good tasting food that doesn't involve meat, your husband won't dwell on the fact that there was no meat.I know a friend who was vegan who moved in with her girlfriend that ate meat. Her gf didn't like cooking so she would eat the vegan food she made. Eventually she grew accustomed to vegan meals, but would occasionally eat meat when she craved it or when they went out.

albinogorilla

Things always work out great when you decide to make a major life change.............and force it on your husband.


Let us know how it works out.

Put the shoe on the other foot, see how it feels.............you weren't a vegetarian when you got married............and now he has to become one because you decided you want to be one?

redraidergirl2009

I make my own food. If I'm going somewhere or we are having a family thing I make sure I'll have something to eat and let them know they don't have to do anything special for me. I tell them to worry about what they're eating, not what I'm eating or not eating.

If people joke and it gets old speak up. Ask them why they feel a need to make fun, ask them if they are threatened by your choices? They probably won't have a good answer.

As for cooking for your husband, that is your choice on what you cook him. I will only cook vegan meals, but if my s.o. doesn't want to eat them and wants meat I'm not going to stop him or guilt him out of it. He'll just have to get it and cook it for himself.

Dulcemami4ever

Things always work out great when you decide to make a major life change.............and force it on your husband.


Let us know how it works out.

Put the shoe on the other foot, see how it feels.............you weren't a vegetarian when you got married............and now he has to become one because you decided you want to be one?

Exactly....you can't force your life changes on others, and he is your husband. Make dishes that please him when you can, and make dishes that please you. I'm assuming he does things for you as well so it shouldn't be too hard to make him happy.

And although he is not a vegetarian, he should respect your wish to be one and not make snide comments. Communicate this with him. But forcing him to try to give up meat is selfish since you met him as a meat eater.

spinnybecky

I made the decision to become a vegetarian over 9 years ago. I was always the one who cooked the meals for my husband, so I just started making vegetarian meals. Even though my husband was still eating meat at the time, he had no problem with this. A meat-eater can eat a vegetarian meal, it's no big deal! He would still eat meat when he went out to lunch at work and stuff like that. Over the course of a few months though, he made the decision to join me as a vegetarian. 9 years later, we are both still vegetarian, but I've become vegan. Now it works the same way - we have three kids and I am a stay at home mom, so I am the cook and the one who buys the groceries. Everything I buy and cook is vegan. My husband will eat dairy/egg products at work (like if they bring in pizza or something), but at home he eats vegan.

I have a strong opinion that whoever does the cooking only needs to cook one meal. If there are family members who want something different, then they can get it/make it themselves. My husband knows that it would go against my ethics to buy or cook anything that isn't vegan, and he would never ask that of me. He also happens to love my cooking and he knows that the food I am feeding my family is healthy and nutritious.

irishblonde2011

My advice would be not to make a big deal about it. I am a vegetarian 9 years and my boyfriend is big into eating meat. His dad didn't even know what a vegetarian was!! Him and his family adapted really well and it takes 2 minutes to cook meat etc in a different pan/dish. They even would buy a few vegetarian things in there weekly shopping incase I stopped by. His dad now owns a few veggie cookbooks. I moved in with my boyfriend a year & a half ago and had no problem. Don't make a big deal about it..if him
and his mum don't like it tough. I will make dinner and he will cook the meat and add it..when he makes me dinner he just puts the meat in a different pan. You don't have to make two different meals. My boyfriend eats 50% vegetarian meals without even noticing. It's great you are moving in with people that share the same views.
So my advice don't make it a big deal remember this is all new for your boyfriend too and soon it will just become the normal.

Good luck

KatjaO

Agree with PPs about changing the hubby. But also, just every now and then cook things that are vegetarian, but do not scream vegetarian. Like suggested above, bean enchiladas, and chili, lots of soups ( tomato soup? Mushroom soup?) with grilled cheese, etc. are common things meat eaters eat too. I also "weaned" bacon/ham out of the vegetable quiches I make. No one has missed it! And depends what type of lasagna your family eats, but if it is ricotta filled with meat or marinara sauce, just do marinara sauce.

Also love PPs idea of cooking well treated or wild meat and fish!