When a friend disappoints you...

projectxreborn

I have a friend that a few years ago did something that really hurt me. I had been spending
time with a guy friend offand on for a while (and had really strong feelings for him.) It seemed
like things were getting romantic between us and so I decided to pluck up my courage and tell
him the truth about how I felt and just wanted to know where things stood between us.
My (girl) friend knew that I was about to talk to him that night...she picked a time when he was
alone (I had a few friends over ) and basically ...slept with him. I was so shocked when I found
out...first of all because she has been my best friend for 20 years at this point...and for the second
reason, she was already in a committed relationship but wanted an excuse to get out of it. She
figured that if she cheated on her fiancee, he would find out and dump her.
Well, it all backfired for her. The guy she cheated with ended up assuming they had a relationship
and she did not tell him any different for three years...just went along with it while seeing her fiancee
for another year. Finally things ended with her fiancee. She continued dating my guy friend for two
more years and it was very hard to be around them.
They almost married. I did not talk to her for a year or more...she asked me to forgive her, and I
eventually did, but the trust is gone. One time she told me to just get over it! The thing is, we are
each married now and have kids but I still don't trust her that she won't choose to hurt me if she
had to to get what she wants. Whatever that thing is. The crazy thing is I do love her as a friend...
we have had a lot of fun times, shared history since we were very smaill...we can really talk to
eachother. It is the fact that I don't trust her that is causing me to hesitate. I don't know whether
to end the friendship completely or just keep going as usual but keep things to myself (especially
my hubby who is losing weight and getting more and more gorgeous each day. I have always
thought he was gorgeous, even at 305 lbs, and he is a wonderful, wonderful man...but now SHE
will start noticing more and more how attractive he is getting...if you catch my drift.) I trust my
husband...but it is getting more difficult to be with her if he is around. I know my self
esteem is in the toilet but I also wonder if I am just being cautious or am I overreacting? I guess
she does make me feel inferior at times because she has never had a weight problem and I have
struggled with it my whole life. I am losing but have a bit to go... I am terrified that the same thing
will play out again one day...so many people never expect a spouse that they love and trust
to cheat and yet it does happen.
Sorry for the long post...

Sul3i

Have u shared these thoughts n fears w ur husband?

projectxreborn

Have u shared these thoughts n fears w ur husband?

Yes...and he has been great about it...

Sul3i

I wouldn't cut off the friendship but its obvious its changed from what it used to be. If it were me that friend would become more of an acuantence (sp). Trust your husband follow your heart

projectxreborn

I wouldn't cut off the friendship but its obvious its changed from what it used to be. If it were me that friend would become more of an acuantence (sp). Trust your husband follow your heart

I suppose you are right...she gets mad at me sometimes, saying I don't get in touch with her as often anymore
and I feel guilty but I also feel the need to protect myself...I guess it sounds like this has been the only
trouble that happened with us but it hasn't been. There have been a few circumstances, some bigger than
others but I am not going to keep on and on...just curious what others would do in the same situation. Thanks.

SammyKatt13

I personally would drop that friend. Real friends dont do things like that.

Granted I'm at the point I dont trust ANY girl since every girl I have been friends with, has done something horrible to me.

I was dating my ex for 4 years and I introduced him to a girl I considered my friend. 2 months later he broke up with me out of no where (we had JUST moved into a house two weeks prior to the breakup, had been talking about getting married for 2 years and starting a family and all that stuff, so it really was OUT OF NO WHERE!) I of course told this girl everything as soon as it all happened and she was some what supportive for about a week, then she stopping talking to me and deleted me off of FB. Not even 3 months after we broke up they are now dating. After HE told me they were dating she told me she never considered herself my friend but wants to be friends now.
Umm.. No. I dropped her and refuse to talk to her. She is NOTHING but a home-wrecking wh*** to me now.

Real friends would never do something like that.

bettacheckyoself

I am sorry this happened to you. That is a big mistake for her to make.... : / I don't think I could look past that one. She could have selected another guy to cheat on, why did she pick the one you like?? I would weigh the pros and cons in having her in your life...then do the math. Sorry if this wasn't much help, I haven't been in this situation before...Good luck!

projectxreborn

She could have selected another guy to cheat on, why did she pick the one you like??

Well...she had only met him a couple of times before ( weeks between each time) and he had been
losing weight too and she thought he was now hot...she didn't want a relationship with someone new,
just an excuse to get rid of the old one. That is what bothers me mostly...maybe I could have understood
it better if she had really cared about him...but she risked our lifelong friendship over it.

And SammyKatt13...that is a horrible experience, I am sorry! It not only destroys friendships but let's face
it, lowers our level of faith in men. At least it did for me.

projectxreborn

The other part of it is I am a very shy person...I was finally getting confidence in myself after losing weight (the first time, sigh!)
and she knew how hard it was for me break out of the fear to talk to my guy friend. I needed support not ambush.

mikoodles

save yourself the worry and just drop her. a real friend wouldn't have done that to you in the first place, and honestly you'll never be able to look at her the same anyway. save yourself some happiness, and move on. believe me, i talk from experience.

bettacheckyoself

The other part of it is I am a very shy person...I was finally getting confidence in myself after losing weight (the first time, sigh!)
and she knew how hard it was for me break out of the fear to talk to my guy friend. I needed support not ambush.

^^^ this makes me want to dump her even more! You can find better friends!

SeaRunner26

If this had happened to me, I would end the friendship, It's not that I can't forgive, it's that I want friends I can trust and the person you're describing does not meet that criteria. She appears to be using to get what she needs without worrying about your needs. That isn't friendship. I also think your low self esteem could be playing into keeping her in your life. Ask yourself why you have chosen to keep her around.

chervil6

i would cut all ties with this so called friend ............ you will never get back what you had ..... she isnt a real friend because you cant trust her !!

barbaramitchell101

neither one of them are worth our grief...dump them both....save your sanity...a REAL friend would not do that to you...that is the worst thing a friend could EVER do to you....you deserve better friends...some you can trust......it would be different IF YOU BROKE UP WITH HIM, but not while you are seeing him....

XXXMinnieXXX

Personally that friendship would have well and truly sailed for me. Not because o do. The Trust the husband but because she really isn't a friend to you at all. Once a Trust is gone with an relationship its more or less dead to me. Just my two cents. Don't feel guilty..She obviously didn't! It's not worth being friends with someone if it causes you so much stress and anxiety.. It's then just a toxic friendship and will do your health and weight loss no good. Since cutting toxic people out my life is much healthier and, happier.

I do have some people I can't cut out that are toxic... If you feel you can't then keep your distance.

Zara x

mockchoc

I woud never have forgiven her and you are better off without trash like her around. Friends don't sleep with a guy you are into ever for any reason.

DamnImASexyBitch

Drop her. She's toxic. She serves no purpose in your new life. Enjoy the fun old memories you shared but keep it at that... distant.