Is your significant other scared of your weight loss??
chelseabrown61
Posts: 20
Okay, So I have a random..well not so random question..Do anyone's significant other sabotage their weight loss?? I think my boyfriend of 10 years is, OF COURSE NOT ON PURPOSE (MAYBE?). We were talking last night about my weight loss goals, and I asked him..Do you want to lose weight? He said no, it's not really a pressing issue, but his health scares me. He is 6'3 and weight 310-315 pounds. It's clear to me he's not happy, but he's the type who just doesn't care. So then I asked him " Do you want me to lose weight" of course being the wonderful man he is he says no. So I asked him why, and he said he does not want me to leave him, he says he knows I will if I lose the weight. Could this be why he sends me to the store to buy hunny buns? LOL He has been supportive in regards to getting me some workout videos thou. So I just don't know! One would think if he didn't want me to leave him, then he would just ask me to marry him already! Damn, it's been 10 years, but he said he wants to wait for marriage till after i'm done with my college. IDK just a random question..has anyone else experienced this??
-Chelsea
-Chelsea
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Replies
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Sadly I do. After losing 97 pounds I left my husband. He and I fought a lot though, just strange that I did it after the weight loss. My boyfriend and I are both losing weight and I worry about the same thing and he with me. The best thing is to just continue encouraging each other and not live on the what ifs. If your meant to be together, you'll stay together no matter what.0
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Also, a family friend lost 101 pounds and left her high school boyfriend after 16 years.0
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Well my hubby and I split before the weight loss. I'm trying to initiate a divorce now. I think if you really love each other.. and he can accept the new you after your weight loss that you'll be fine. Who knows.. maybe if he sees you making the effort that will make him want to make the effort too.
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Thanks! I told him I would not leave because of the weight loss, but I'm sure if we split...after I lose weight he will always blaim that. I told him I wont leave him because I get thin, but he says yeah right! LOL.0
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I think he will try to lose weight once he see's me doing it because over the summer I lost 30 pounds (gained it back thou) and once 20 pounds was down he started watching his weight...he said he "doesnt want to get left behind" So i'm just going to stick to losing the weight, and hope he joins me along the way!0
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I can relate to your bf's sentiment; my hubby of 17 years told me once the same exact thing about his fear of me leaving. And just yesterday we found out a friend of ours is getting divorced after his wife lost a bunch of weight and met some new guy in the gym...0
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I didnt have this problem with a significant other, but with my entire family- I lost about 125 pounds, and all of my family continues to be in various stages of obesity. In the beginning, for the first 20 or 30 pounds, my family was supportive, and then as I lost more and more, they seemed to be less supportive, and in some instances, resentful of my transformation.
Part of this I think has to do with our perceptions of each other when we are in our families. It is very easy to get used to our families operating in very specific ways - if at any point a person deviates from the expected behavior, we become frustrated. I also think that a big component of this is that most people see change as terrifying and intimidating- and if we see change in those around us, if destabilizes us and makes us afraid. And since most people have a hard time with fear, it is much easier to be angry instead.
I used to resent my family for how they reacted to my change- now, I simply accept it as the way things are. Perhaps someday my family will not be so afraid of change- if so, wonderful! If not, then it could not be helped. I am proud of what I have done, and I will continue to work to be healthy and happy. That's what matters the most.0 -
My boyfriend of almost 6 years is nervous also. He seen what I "used" to look like and fears I am going to leave him. He is very supportive though.0
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that's why we broke up.0
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no. in fact he's one of the most supportive when it comes to my fitness.0
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She's concerned at times, but she has nothing to worry about.0
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Sort of have this problem... He's not afraid that I'll leave (at least he hasn't voiced a concern such as this...) but ever since I began a healthier lifestyle last February (we've been together for 6 years), things have gotten weird between us. We're a lot more distant than we used to, mainly because I like to do active things such as kayaking, hiking, etc. now and he wants no part of it. I've tried including him, but it's like pulling teeth. I have gotten him to eat the healthier dinners that I cook, but it's not really "fixing" things.
He has recently told me that he's intimidated to come to the gym with me because he doesn't want me to embarrass him by lifting more than he does, so I'm starting to think that there's a little insecurity going on. He could stand to lose some weight, but I don't want to come right out and tell him that. But I do feel like we'd be a little closer if he'd come to the gym with me- but I don't want to force change on him if he doesn't want it. I feel like most relationships change when a partner makes a significant lifestyle change... It's just a matter of finding a way to make it work once things change.... I'm still working on that part :ohwell:0 -
Nope she is not. We are in this together and we support each other. I guess I am one of the very lucky few in that regards.0
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He's obviously not that concerned over the situation, otherwise he would make the effort to lose weight too.0
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my husband is very, very supportive--he brags of my weight loss more than I do
But. He has also expressed the worry of me leaving when I get in better shape. He thinks the opposite of me (I worry about him leaving me for a prettier girl, and he worries about me leaving him for a younger, hotter man) and it's funny sometimes. I think he has self-esteem issues but doesn't realize who he is 0 -
I have almost transformed my whole body and my husband has not said ONE WORD. I get compliments almost daily but NOTHING from my husband. He wants to exercise but can't because of a bad hip (awaiting word on surgery). If I talk about a move I am trying to perfect my form on he acts like it's just so easy,,,,,I'm not doing it right,,,,,,,Well you ought to do like this..... I have been exercising and RESEARCHING for TWO YEARS!! But I know nothing and my exercising (and transformation) is just a girly tea party.......................0
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What actually motivated me is that my new boyfriend is really into his health.
He's lost 40lbs so far and he is working on losing more.
I didn't want to be left behind.0 -
My husband is very supportive and has not ever suggested that weight loss will result in me leaving him. We are solid, though. I am sensitive to his ego. I lift weights so I spend my gym time in the "boys club" area with the free weights. I tell him (casually in conversation so it's not so obvious) that I haven't made any new friends and I never even talk to anyone because I am focused. It is 100% the truth and although it might not be necessary for me to tell him, I still feel like it is respectful and I'm sure he appreciates it on some level. I lose weight, I get fit and healthy, and I get strong and lift weights with the guys and I'm attractive (when I'm made up). So, although he would never admit insecurities, I want to reassure him.
On another note, what does finishing college have to do with marriage?0 -
I have been with my boyfriend for almost 12 years and I know this...he has some insecurities but that's only because of his past. He tells me every day how beautiful I am and could care less if I lost the weight or not. BUT that being said, he also knows how unhappy I am right now, and how self conscious I am of myself. I've never been this heavy, I won't allow people to take pictures, I hide when I have to wear a bathing suit but those are my issues :laugh: And because he's seen how this affects me, he supports my weight loss 100%. He is helping one of his buddies deal with seperating from his wife after she lost a lot of weight and found a new man, and I think that did scare him right away but he know's there's a lot of differences between us and them. We have been to hell and back in our 12 years together and he knows I'm not about to leave him now because I've lost some weight and some other guy thinks I suddenly look hot. He's loved me at my best, and now at my worst, I don't think it get's any better than that.0
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My husband is very supportive. I tell him that I want to be his trophy wife (because he deserves one) and he has expressed "yeah..but if you're my trophy wife, what does that make ME?". But other than that...he's a pretty confident, arrogant guy...he's not worried (that I know of...)0
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Does he want to marry you and spend the rest of his life with you? If the answer is yes, then why is he not trying to pro-long his life by losing his excess weight and living until you die old together, rather than from a heart attack in a quicker time?
If he doesn't want you to leave in the future, shouldn't he spend more time with you? if he wants to spend more time with you - shouldn't he see that the exercise together and reach goals together is the way to go? Spend time together and generally live longer together.
The more time you are apart (i.e. you exercising at the gym etc) and him at home - he will naturally think you could be up to something and leaving him for a fitter person - so in response to that it could come across that he doesn't really care about spending the time with you? and if he doesn't care about spending the time together, what does that say about the whole situation.
These views could be considered by many as looking too deep, and I don't know you or your other half, but can only give an opinion from the outset that is not meant to be offensive so please don't take it that way.0 -
I think everyone is different and everyone's relationship is different. You know your feelings for him so only you know the true answer. My husband and I were together when I was skinny and have stayed together while I've gained the weight. I know we'll still be together after I lose the weight too.0
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Sometimes a person stays in a relationship because they have no self esteem and believe in their minds that nobody else will like them for who they are so they stay. Once weight gets lost, you look better, you feel better, the esteem goes up.... and the significant other feels threatened by that... weight loss while in a relationship affects both parties as much as you don`t want it to.
He probably feels insecure and that once you reach your goal weight and your more active that you will have different goals in life and like different activities... you have to either reasure him that no, you are the same person... or reflect on what your goals and your lifestyle are in life and if they are changing are you gonna be able to keep up your old and your new lifestyle at the same time.
I know it sounds deep but I have been through it (our relationship got really rocky and we almost broke up... lasted 4 months) then we were able to work through it and we are still together and we have a stronger relationship for it. good luck 0 -
I don't think it's so wonderful that he doesn't want you to lose weight. It sounds like he might be jealous. My husband is very proud of my accomplishments. He is looking forward to the day when I have the body I had when we first got married.0
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My boyfriend of 10 years is ... sort of similar. He's not upset about my weight loss as much as my overall efforts to be a happier, better me. He's gone off to live alone for a few months saying he's "trying to figure himself out" because of it. Some people, generally unhappy people, are resentful of positive changes people make because they're scared or jealous. They see it and they don't know how to process or follow it and it breaks them a little. If you're lucky the person will take any advice or encouragement you give 'em... but I know I'm not so lucky. Do what you need to do for you though... Love will conquer, or it won't.0
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My boyfriend is average weight, I'm 200 LBs over. He always tells me he wants me to be healthy, but he's afraid if I lose the weight I'll leave him. He's also a huge junk food eater, half our groceries end up being soda or candy or whatever other sugar-filled stuff he wants at that time =/ Makes it a little harder to achieve my daily calorie goals, but I do my best to tweak meals and avoid the junk.0
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My hubby loves to bring home the junkiest junk food available at our local grocery stores and remains ambiguous to a fault about my desire of getting back in shape. He'd never be negative about it because he knows thats a deal breaker for me ( if he cant support me, the least he can do is just be quiet). Im not overweight now, but when i was he WAS supportive of me losing weight and getting healthy. I feel now that im at a point where its more about asthetics than health he is wondering why i feel the need to go that extra mile. Hes not overweight, actually, hes just above being considered underweight so he doesn't understand. And hes a man, so he doesn't get how good it feels to feel confident in ones own skin, and truthfully turn a few heads when you enter a room. With that said i know he loves me no matter what and because i know this truly deeply in my heart i only have eyes for him.0
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Mine is the same way, plus he reaps the benefits of a slimmer more athletic meno. in fact he's one of the most supportive when it comes to my fitness.
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What a great question. In my experience it can be a positive motivator for a significant other, or a de-motivator. It just depends on the person. I think some insecurity is to be expected, but unfortunately on going insecurities can ruin a relationship.0
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Mine is the same way, plus he reaps the benefits of a slimmer more athletic meno. in fact he's one of the most supportive when it comes to my fitness.
exactly0
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