Major anxieties regarding failure... what to do?

CalJur

Add a positive network of friends around you in life and on MFP. Real friends support one another no matter what. You can add me as well as I strive to motivate in some fashion every day.

harvellglover

Another way to describe failures is "lessons learned". When you think of it that way, everything everyone has said makes sense...you keep on learning from failures / lessons and every one of them brings you that much closer to something you can recognize as success.

Softrbreeze

I know it seems oversimplified. But it is SO true! Your brain is conditioned to respond negatively right now. Maybe you've had some disappointing experiences in the past and started to think "I can't" as an avoidance mechanism (Why try if you can't?). What you have to do TRULY is EVERYTIME your brain sends you the message "I can't", PAUSE and very deliberately tell yourself "I can and I will".. Seriously, it takes time, but it works. TRAIN YOUR BRAIN

NZhellkat

Better to try and fail then never try at all. But seriously without failure we do not learn. Every time I make a mistake I as myself what the hell am I supposed to learn here. Most of the time it comes back to trusting my "instincts." That first gut reaction you have to something that makes you think yes!!! or Hell No!!!. Listened to mine this weekend and managed to not buy a lemon of a car. Today I got something that will last me a while.

The lesson I'm learning this time round is one step at a time but keep moving. I've shed over 50 lbs in 2012 a lone. Need to shed 50 more. Notice I say shed. They are not lost as I never want to find them again. You are worth this journey. And best of all you are not travelling alone. We are here to help and support you, kick you in the butt if you need it and most especially to celebrate all your future successes. And there will be many of those. Welcome to the start of your new lifestyle. :happy: :flowerforyou:

Oishii

We sound quiet similar
I'm scared of failure to the point where I think I may have stopped trying for a LONG time (this is with everything, school, life, friends)

the first thing I also do is whats the worst that could happen ?
what are my options is the worst does happen ?
How do I cope with the worst possible thing happen ?

so for example my exams

worst that could happen is I COMPLETELY fail (for me thats anything under 3Cs is fail)

what happens next ? I'd have to either go clearing, or fast track the year again..okay that's like taking a gap year
how do I cope ? I have the numbers to all the necessary organisations already ! I speak to all the necessary people

weight loss

whats the worst that could happen - you put on weight
what are your options - give up ? or pick yourself up and try again ?
how do you cope - Join a gym (yes it'll cost money, but thats an incentive NOT to miss at training session) and train hard and remember how it felt to feel that failure.

This is pretty much the 'game' I played with myself as a child, and what I was going to recommend, but I used to string together my 'what's the worst thing that could happen' into the absolute worst case scenario: 'I could die, and then there's nothing more to worry about.' I think I taught myself that there are always options and as long as you always believe there are options, failure is not final.

I've also found little mantras can help. I went to a Japanese exam once, and as I waited for it to start, a complete stranger tried to convince me I was sure to fail. I told him why I wasn't about to, but I was still very shaken. Before the exam I held my boyfriend's dog tag and sang myself a song he sang me, and my confidence came back. More recently, I was feeling so stressed about something that I couldn't sleep, so saying 'Rise above it' again and again helped bring me back to normal. Maybe you could find tricks like this that work for you too.

Remember too that the bitterest regrets are often for what you DON'T do. :flowerforyou:

tallvanurse

I'll take the pressure off you.

You're going to fail.

You're going to fail dozens if not hundreds of times. In big ways and small. You'll spend too many days eating too little and then too much. You'll try to exercise with bad form. You'll have rotten, no good days where all you want to do is bury your face in ice cream. You'll do too much cardio or not enough cardio. You'll refuse to lift. You'll start lifting but they'll be light weights. You'll lift heavy and have an irrational fear of getting bulky. You'll run in the wrong shoes.

And so long as you never give up, every one of those failures will lead to your success.

I LOVE THAT...and it's absolutely true! Until you stop trying, you're not failing permanently. If you have a friend, parent, loved one, significant other, etc...anyone you care about...talk to yourself the way you'd talk to them. You'd never tell your friend that they're a failure. You'd never tell your friend that they can't succeed. You'd encourage them, pick them back up when they fell. YOU.DESERVE.NO.LESS. Please remember that.

Erica262

The ONLY way you can really fail is to just not try. But you are going to fail. LOTS. Someone else posted this quote in the forums earlier...

"I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes.

Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You're doing things you've never done before, and more importantly, you're Doing Something.

So that's my wish for you, and all of us, and my wish for myself. Make New Mistakes. Make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody's ever made before. Don't freeze, don't stop, don't worry that it isn't good enough, or it isn't perfect, whatever it is: art, or love, or work, or family or life.

Whatever it is you're scared of doing, Do it.

Make your mistakes, next year and forever." -- Neil Gaiman

There's nothing wrong with making mistakes. You're going to make lots of them. Just have a positive attitude. Be able to laugh at yourself when you make mistakes, then move on and keep trying.

Check out operationbeautiful.com and other motivational sites. Go to the health & fitness section on pinterest. "Like" health and fitness pages on Facebook and check them everyday. Befriend people on this site! People on MFP are the best. Sending you a friend request now

ChelseaM18

I get that too, for me it's when I start just focusing on the overall end picture, my final goal, instead of the smaller goals I need to achieve on the way, completely ignoring them and not acknowledging that it's the small goals that make up the success. Take everything one step at a time, make tiny goals and just focus on those ONE at a time, looking too far ahead then reaching the end of your deadline not where you wanted to be is just going to make you feel depressed, confused and will give you no clear path or guideline on how to reach your personal success. The success will come, I wish you every luck