Can't Believe I Gained Again

rainyhair
rainyhair Posts: 6
in Introduce Yourself
My name is Heidi, nickname Windy over my old hobby of reading weather books! Age 46, married to the Army, husband deployed again, 6th one in 14 years of marriage. I'm 5'4" and was always thin, until after we were married and then in my mid30s I gained a lot of weight while we were living in west Texas. Nothing to do in the heat but eat fattening, fried, cheesy Mexican food and get fat, wound up in the 190s. Tried South beach and did lose about 25 lbs, gained when he was deployed again, then lost and went down to 130, looked good enough to enter a pageant in a swimsuit! He got deployed AGAIN, and this time the depression was so bad I ate myself up to the 180s. I am now 175. Lost a little. Now I'm terribly depressed, my nice clothes are boxed up again, I'm not sleeping well, no family or anyone to talk to, because, yes, he's gone for another year. Holidays are awful. Everyone throws food at you then comments on how you look behind your back. No one cares that wives like me spend Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's Eve, everything alone. I feel like, at 46, I don't have much time left to look and feel good. I'm seeing a cognitive psychologist for depression, I have so much to do to fix up my house while he's away but am so tired/lazy all the time. No motivation. We're fine financially, I am able to travel a lot, etc so I should be happy. Is anything worse that fixing your hair, makeup, and wearing a great outfit and then see a photo of yourself and you almost cry at how awful you look? It's a shock. Why do I do all that work to lose weight and then wind up eating it back on? I'm looking for a way to stop eating out of sadness or loneliness. At least this website helps me see how calories add up. Lost 3 lbs in the past week with it.

Replies

  • SiempreBella
    SiempreBella Posts: 125 Member
    Do not worry, you are great at 130 or at 190. Your hubby loves you. Now all you need to do is love yourself. You did it once you can do it again. You are n the right track. Dont give up girl,you can do it!
  • ummnadir
    ummnadir Posts: 48
    I hope your depression goes away.
  • sweetp43
    sweetp43 Posts: 3
    Step 1: Be in LOVE with yourself no matter what size pants you wear. You are incredible and deserve to be fit! Thats how I see myself and I am no better than you. Work in progress.
  • glahlstedt
    glahlstedt Posts: 308 Member
    I can't relate to how you would feel with your hubbs being away all the time. That has got to be so lonley! Anyways, what I can relate to is depression. I know first hand how that feels. I have been hospitalized several times for major depprisive eppisodes. However, my deppresions cause me to loose a lot of weight. I have absolutley no desire to eat. The last time I was sick, my husband had to force me to eat. You should see a therapist. A good therapist can help you with your eating habits while being depressed. I wish you the very best........
  • ellabelle0310
    ellabelle0310 Posts: 92 Member
    Deployments suck! My husband thankfully hasn't been gone for a couple years, but we have gone through 7 in our marriage so far. I know what it is like to see everything around that could get accomplished while he's away and not have the motivation to do it. Kudos for getting into therapy, and also for joining MFP. Depression makes weight loss seem impossible, but this site will help with that, and in turn it may help the other way around too. Feel free to add me if you need some extra support.
  • rainyhair
    rainyhair Posts: 6
    It stinks being alone, but I've dropped 3 lbs, guess it's a start! Bumped up my sessions for the depression, he says with clinical depression already, and having the holidays alone again, another lonely Valentine's Day ahead, and the new Year where people commonly reflect on the past year and where we're going in the future, it's super-depressing. But the good thing about January is that the days are slowly getting longer, more daylight! And I have my cats and the new kitten to have fun with. Have a volunteer job I love but this d** depression is trying to ruin things!
  • TiffanyWasmer
    TiffanyWasmer Posts: 190 Member
    Step 1: Be in LOVE with yourself no matter what size pants you wear. You are incredible and deserve to be fit! Thats how I see myself and I am no better than you. Work in progress.

    ^^^This!!! We as women put so much PRESSURE ON OURSELVES to look perfect. I sometimes wonder why I spend so much time obsessing over it; I want to be healthy, not a Barbie.
    Don't beat yourself up and you are already working on changing things so you are way ahead of the game! Keep your chin up :flowerforyou:
  • flying_inside
    flying_inside Posts: 67 Member
    To offer support - I also gained weight by living in Texas! I'm in Austin and this city likes to eat & drink. I went from 120 to 170 in 4 years. I'm now down to 144 and heading back to a healthier weight. You can definitely do it. It's great to acknowledge where you are and how you got there, so you can move ahead. Best of luck to you.
  • flying_inside
    flying_inside Posts: 67 Member
    Step 1: Be in LOVE with yourself no matter what size pants you wear. You are incredible and deserve to be fit! Thats how I see myself and I am no better than you. Work in progress.

    ^^^This!!! We as women put so much PRESSURE

    Agree w/this, too.
  • sarahrbraun
    sarahrbraun Posts: 2,261 Member
    It stinks being alone, but I've dropped 3 lbs, guess it's a start! Bumped up my sessions for the depression, he says with clinical depression already, and having the holidays alone again, another lonely Valentine's Day ahead, and the new Year where people commonly reflect on the past year and where we're going in the future, it's super-depressing. But the good thing about January is that the days are slowly getting longer, more daylight! And I have my cats and the new kitten to have fun with. Have a volunteer job I love but this d** depression is trying to ruin things!

    I have had clinical depression off and on for 20+ years...

    I think what you need to do is find something to keep you busy. When I started at the gym last February, I knew that if I slacked, I would quit. I have been pretty anal about going to the gym. I am there 4x a week unless I have an obligation that prevents me from being there. I even went ON CRUTCHES when I messed up my calf last month ( I did upper body only until I healed up). IMO, the cardio does help with my depression and stress. Starting lifting has made me feel good too!
  • janesmith1
    janesmith1 Posts: 1,511 Member
    Hi, IDK where you're living but if you walk on hills it's like a HUGE calorie burn. You have to start on flat surfaces and work up to it, say a week or two of several miles of straight walking. It is amazing what those hills do for you! GL!
  • sharonfincher1
    sharonfincher1 Posts: 311 Member
    You did it once you can do it again.... the time will come when it all falls into place.... until then there are ppl on here that can and will support you. I wish you the best of luck in your journey. Feel free to add me as a supportive friend
  • littleworm23
    littleworm23 Posts: 341 Member
    I can't imagine how lonely you must be. I can imagine (or remember) trying to eat my way to feeling better only to make myself feel worse. Like others have said, you have done it before and you can do it again. Feel free to add me as a friend if you would like to. :)
  • cindyj7
    cindyj7 Posts: 339 Member
    Step 1: Be in LOVE with yourself no matter what size pants you wear. You are incredible and deserve to be fit! Thats how I see myself and I am no better than you. Work in progress.

    I love this! You're a strong woman - you can do this. :flowerforyou:
  • deckerp
    deckerp Posts: 4,434 Member
    With a little encouragement from some new friends on MFP you'll be looking and feeling better in no time.

    Tells us how you picked your name, "rainyhair".

    How was Jersey Boys? I saw them perform on TV not too long ago. They did some really great stuff.
  • ameliadurnez
    ameliadurnez Posts: 1 Member
    Try yoga, it is not ony great for exercise, but it is also great for depression and self acceptance. Thank you for your service and the sacrifices you have made for our country and my families freedom! I think often times the familes of our service men and women that are left at home don't get the acknowledgement they deserve for the sacrifices they make. Maybe you can take some comfort in knowing that your commitment and support of your husband is for the greater good of our country.
  • simplysassi
    simplysassi Posts: 137 Member
    I'm still trying to get past the part about reading weather books for fun. Maybe try some good juicy novels. I personally prefer true crime/murder. At the very least, you will certainly find some fun friends on MFP that will keep you motivated.
    Good luck to you !
  • d8402l
    d8402l Posts: 23 Member
    I'm a military brat, so I can sort of identify. My dad was away in my childhood more than he was around, so for holidays it was usually just my mom and my siblings. As a kid it was hard, especially when I was very little, because I couldn't understand why my dad wasn't there.

    I can also relate to you with the depression. I am in therapy and take medication to help my depression. I've battled with depression and anxiety all my life, but only recently got help for it.

    I'm fairly new to this site too, but I've spent the past couple days lurking the forums, and there seem to be a lot of very nice helpful people here. I hope you get the motivation you need, and I wish you all the best.
  • deckerp
    deckerp Posts: 4,434 Member
    ... Thank you for your service and the sacrifices you have made for our country and my families freedom! I think often times the familes of our service men and women that are left at home don't get the acknowledgement they deserve for the sacrifices they make. ...
    I agree. It's hard on the whole family of military folks. Thank you.
  • rainyhair
    rainyhair Posts: 6
    Vanished for a bit. "Female" pains, they hit me pretty bad each month, and I cannot get on the scale, the numbers are off over bloating!

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