Your slim friends telling you, you look good.....

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ULust4Phatz
ULust4Phatz Posts: 4
in Health and Weight Loss
This gets on my &*@+*#% NERVES for some reason. I have a slim friend who I always go out with. She's cool, I love her, but she ALWAYS tells me "you look fine, you don't need to lose weight".

I secretly feel that she doesn't want me to be as slim, or slimmer then her.

Does anyone else have friends that make them feel that way?
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  • DrMAvDPhD
    DrMAvDPhD Posts: 2,097 Member
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    Some people are like this, it is true, but if it is someone that you are really good friends with they probably just think you are beautiful the way you are.
  • elsinora
    elsinora Posts: 398 Member
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    Even when I was 250lbs, everyone, well mostly thin, skinny girls or all my friends who were about the quarter of my size would say, "you don't need to lose weight" , "you look fine", "you're just big boned"... Understand your pain
  • gympamela
    gympamela Posts: 188 Member
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    Just wait until you really start seeing a difference- those same friends will tell you that you are 'too skinny' or ask you if you are eating enough LOL. The first time I dropped a lot of weight and was REALLY looking good, I had that happen to me with a specific gf of mine.
    But she also just might be trying to make you feel good about yourself. I know my friend never really thought I could lose the weight and always told me I looked 'fine'.
    I didnt want to look fine, I wanted to look FIIIIIIIIINE!!! LOL
    Good luck hon, add me as a friend if you want to!!
  • supplemama
    supplemama Posts: 1,956 Member
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    Just wait until you really start seeing a difference- those same friends will tell you that you are 'too skinny' or ask you if you are eating enough LOL.

    Oh yes I have had this happen!! And the woman who said this to me, she is probably about 120 pounds soaking wet! And we are the same height! So I told her, if I'm now 'too skinny' at 166 pounds, you must be darn near death!' The look on her face was PRICELESS
  • ULust4Phatz
    ULust4Phatz Posts: 4
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    She already knows I want to be FINE for Vegas this summer. She knows my stomach jiggles. I feel like she should tell me things like "yea girl, run that extra lap" lol.

    Ugh

    #FatProblems
  • Quannicab
    Quannicab Posts: 30
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    Just wait until you really start seeing a difference- those same friends will tell you that you are 'too skinny' or ask you if you are eating enough LOL.

    Oh yes I have had this happen!! And the woman who said this to me, she is probably about 120 pounds soaking wet! And we are the same height! So I told her, if I'm now 'too skinny' at 166 pounds, you must be darn near death!' The look on her face was PRICELESS

    Hilarious!!
  • elsinora
    elsinora Posts: 398 Member
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    Just wait until you really start seeing a difference- those same friends will tell you that you are 'too skinny' or ask you if you are eating enough LOL. The first time I dropped a lot of weight and was REALLY looking good, I had that happen to me with a specific gf of mine.
    But she also just might be trying to make you feel good about yourself. I know my friend never really thought I could lose the weight and always told me I looked 'fine'.
    I didnt want to look fine, I wanted to look FIIIIIIIIINE!!! LOL
    Good luck hon, add me as a friend if you want to!!

    This this this! Exactly the same! Even though I was still twice the size as them, the "you're too skinny." Right. Ok.
  • gympamela
    gympamela Posts: 188 Member
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    It would be nice to have friends that would just cheer you on instead of blow smoke up you azz all the time LOL!!! Hey, go ahead with those chips and salsa with your margarita, you look 'fine'.
    haahahaha! Okay, Ill just chow down and you can tell me how great I look when I pack on ten pounds and you are still a rail!
  • lkjlkh
    lkjlkh Posts: 61 Member
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    I've had that, too. Made me mad on the inside. It's either they are feeling bad for us or feel that if we do lose weight we will be better than them. True?
  • gympamela
    gympamela Posts: 188 Member
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    This is the best thread ever!
  • elsinora
    elsinora Posts: 398 Member
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    I think that's why I never take a compliment or believe anyone or in fact know why I "really" look like. When I was obese and thoroughly in denial, I was apparently "absolutely fine".

    My chaffed thighs and stretch marks said otherwise!!!!
  • hamiltonba
    hamiltonba Posts: 474 Member
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    Great discussion thread!! I've had this happen too. Drives me nuts, but so glad I'm not alone!!
  • ULust4Phatz
    ULust4Phatz Posts: 4
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    She probably having a cheeseburger right now, and I'm having a salad!:explode:
  • ahviendha
    ahviendha Posts: 1,291 Member
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    lol my best friend told me that when i got fat, but we've always been competitive. now that i'm fit again she's ramping up her game, and i know it's because we want to be equally hot :P she's always been fit but she's worked for it her whole life.
  • shivles
    shivles Posts: 468 Member
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    Can I add a perspective from 'the other side'? I'm small, I admit it, I'm not trying to loose weight I'm trying to be healthy because I'm marathon training. I have friends who are larger than me, some of them are classed as overweight, some are obese and others are just being silly. But if my overweight friends say something about being fat I will tell them they are not fat, simply to try and raise their self esteem, I hate seeing my friends upset about their weight. I tell them they're not fat but if they're actually trying to loose weight I will try and give some helpful advice. I'd never turn round to them and say 'Yeah, you're so fat. You better get jogging...' IMAGINE if I said that to my friends, I would have none left!

    Your slim friends probably just don't know how to react, they probably feel bad that they don't have to work at being slim and you do. They're probably trying to help but not quite getting it :)
  • RambyPandy
    RambyPandy Posts: 118 Member
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    What bothers me the most about this is the fact that they're commenting on appearance. As a rule, I try not to do that. No one never knows what kind of issues someone has and how a seemingly-benign comment might be misinterpreted.

    When I had lost a lot of weight at one point I would get upset when people would comment on how much I lost. It made me feel like they were calling me fat in the past! Isn't that silly?!
  • KatherineStar
    KatherineStar Posts: 56 Member
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    This is so true. Have some skinny friends who do the same and I can't work out whether they have body dysmorphia or feel a bit threatened!
  • EstiloPanama
    EstiloPanama Posts: 245
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    My fiance telling me that I don't need to lose weight makes me happy in a way. It means he loves me when I feel I am at my worst. Same with my best friend who says the same thing. At my physical worst, I am loved and cared about, and even desired! But if they love me, they will appreciate and respect that I am trying to lose weight not to LOOK good, but to FEEL good about my health, my heart, my lungs. I am 27..past the age of caring about what I look like to guys. I care about being a FIT mom for my kids. being a service member in the military in the near future, and being able to run when I join the police department. These aren't dreams, they are goals...and my fiance and best friend need to understand I appreciate their love and support, but I need to do things that are good for ME.

    I think I spent too much time caring for everyone else. It's time to "do me". My fiance did make a request..that I don't lose my butt. But there aren't any guarantees, hehe
  • weird_me2
    weird_me2 Posts: 716 Member
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    Just to throw in another perspective - weight is a very touchy subject and no matter what, no one response is going to be "right". To agree with a person who says they need to lose weight can cause problems; to disagree can cause problems. People have to just judge and answer with the best response they can come up with. It's really not fair to put people in this situation or to judge them for their reactions.

    Instead of thinking your friends are lying or out to make you fail (and they probably aren't if they are true friends), don't bring the issue up. My best friend is about a size 2 and one day we were with a group of other family/friends and someone started talking about how noticeable it was that I'd lost weight, and how much had I lost, etc, etc. Later my very good friend apologized because she said that she had honestly never noticed or paid attention. That was fine by me. I never bring attention to my weight or my need to lose weight because 1)it's fairly obvious to anyone who cares to notice and 2)if they don't care to notice, then they don't care because it's not important to my relationship with them.

    If someone notices that I've lost weight, I admit that I have and that I'm just trying to watch what I'm eating. I'll recommend MFP if I think they would appreciate it and that's the end of the discussion.
  • bugnbeansmom
    bugnbeansmom Posts: 292 Member
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    Is there a way to acknowledge that a friend is overweight without sounding like the skinny b!@#$? If they did say run one more lap you would be upset that they are judging. I don't think there is a good answer here other than stop asking if you look fat or making comments about how fat you are/look. Give your friend a break. It isn't like she just runs up to you and starts the topic of discussion. And face it, you allow yourself to feel less than because she is thin. I realized that I used to bring my weight up thinking if I brought it up first it would clear the elephant in the room. Trught be told, everyone trying to be PC was way more uncomfortable than just letting it be.

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