My step kids won't eat anything nutritious!
padfoot3179
Posts: 14 Member
I know kids will be picky to a certain age but my step kids take it to a new level. Meal times have become nightmarish and my husband and I can't come to an agreement on how to handle it. The only thing they want to eat is sweet and salty processed junk food. My husband and I rarely eat processed or fast food and if I put anything cooked from scratch on their plate they never hide their disgust. We've tried giving them a time limit, that doesn't work, I've tried cooking with them, that doesn't work. I have even bought them food they have at home, they eat two bites and then stare at it for two hours. It even happens when people take them out for food, which is particularly insulting because I consider that a gift to them. I don't understand why they do this, it's not like I'm making strange foods. I make chicken breasts, spaghetti, soup and vegetables when they are down. Can anyone tell me how we should deal with this? We are moving in with vegetarians at the end of the month and plan on eating more vegetables. I can't imagine the situation getting any better.
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I'd quit making food the issue. They'll eat when they're hungry especially if you don't make a big deal out of them not eating -- just wrap up their food and let them know they can have it later if they get hungry. The one thing I would correct is the "never hide their disgust" thing at dinner time but that's just because I'm big on manners and that wouldn't be acceptable to me.0
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Could the problem be mixed with their resentment for you being the stepmom, and/or having the divorce/seperation? I am not a stepmom to young children, and my skiddos are good eaters, so I can't help with the picky eater thing. I can say that resentment comes in many forms and their father needs to make sure they understand you are an authority figure in your home. It really sounds like he needs to work on this issue and you may have to make meals only for yourself when they are around. I know it goes against the motherly instinct but you may have to disengage on this issue.
Blended family things are hard for everyone! Best of luck to you.0 -
How old are they?
If they old enough, let them eat or let them go hungry. Its that simple. If they don't want the spaghetti (especially if they will eat it at home) then its all a power play against you. Don't play the game.0 -
Have you stuck with consequences the long haul or are you trying something new every five minutes?
Sounds like attention seeking or an attack on you if they won't even eat restaurant food or the same stuff they have at home. If so don't rise to it, ever. Your husband needs to discuss this with the children's mother and you need to fall into line with their decision, as long as it does not involve extra work for you. They won't die if they starve for a few days.0 -
If my kids don't eat what they are given they go hungry, trust me it works.0
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I'd quit making food the issue. They'll eat when they're hungry especially if you don't make a big deal out of them not eating -- just wrap up their food and let them know they can have it later if they get hungry. The one thing I would correct is the "never hide their disgust" thing at dinner time but that's just because I'm big on manners and that wouldn't be acceptable to me.
exactly.
plus unless they have their own jobs and make their own money and buy their own food and make their own food then they really shouldnt have a choice in the matter, especially since we're talking about their health.
you're the parent and they are the child.
that's how my mom raised me (and i was a VERY picky eater). and i grew up just fine, well adjusted, no weird complexes about food, no resentment to my parents, etc. IMO it's usually not a good thing to give in to kids' demands0 -
Don't give in to them. If they are hungry, they will eat.0
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My grandson (age 4) is like this. He often loudly declares "I HATE FOOD!" I've tried just ignoring the food and beverage issue, and that was a bad plan. He ended up in the hospital because he got so dehydrated at my house. He wouldn't accept a single thing I offered him all weekend! I feel like I'm constantly coaxing him to accept something. Some days are better than others. I've found that if I keep at him, I can get a few bites and sips down him.
He's much the same with his mom at home; it's not just my house.0 -
You think you have it bad? My kid just turned down a trip to McDonald's! She said McDonald's was unhealthy! She's 5, is that too late to leave her in a basket at the police station?0
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What works for someone else doesn't always work for your family. I have a blended family and there are many issues to overcome and I have learned to pick my battles. Food is not one of them. You just need to decide if it is worth it. In my own experience, I have come to realize that kids just do not have much of palette until they start getting older. Given I have several kids in the house, we have a range of eating habits. One is vegetarian, one will only eat peanut butter or chicken nuggets etc. So I just go with it and have more important household issues to tackle.
My husband and I have this look now when one of the kids eats something new. Since we have taken the laid back approach they have become less combative at meal time. They also have taken to making themselves a sandwich or something if they did not get enough to eat. I have mostly teenagers and they eat several times from the time they get home until bed time. Their hunger never ends. I do want them to eat and to not deny them food based on a fit that may or may not of had anything to do with what was set in front of them on their plate. I have also learned that a kid who has run out of fuel has more meltdowns over other simple issues.
Most of the time I have learned that what ever they are throwing a fit over has very little to do with what they are really feeling in that moment. Be kind to them and observe more.
Given the busy schedules in our home it is rare all of them are here at once to be able to eat at the same time anyway so we make most of our food and never eat out or order pizza etc. But with the abundance of left overs and day to day cooking we have plenty to choose from when they come in during their staggered schedules.
Good Luck!0 -
Its simple. They will eat what you make or do without. They will eat at supper time or not at all. If they dont eat, then they cant get any kind of snacks later on. If they DO eat, then by all means snacks within reason. But first and foremost, eat what you make them or nothing else the rest of the night. Thats how I was raised, and hell would be brought if I disprespected my momma or anyone else with dirty looks when given a meal. Especially when so many others go without. I was raised to respect my elders or pay.0
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You decide what is in your house to eat. When they are hungry they will eat.
Don't argue about this with your husband in front of them. As a stepkid myself, I can say that sometimes we want to cause strife between the parents to see if our real parent truly loves us/takes our side. I'm not proud, I'm just saying there's a power struggle at the root of it.
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Thanks everyone,
I am going to simply tell them that we are eating and if they choose not to eat what is given to them, they can have water until the next meal time. I don't think they will starve to death but maybe if they see my husband and I eating together and having fun they'll join in.0 -
How old are they?
If they old enough, let them eat or let them go hungry. Its that simple. If they don't want the spaghetti (especially if they will eat it at home) then its all a power play against you. Don't play the game.
^This0 -
Oops, they are 7 and 10.0
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It's simple. Don't buy it, or offer it. I know it's hard when they whine, but you're the parent and you decide what's for dinner. Not the other way around0
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My kids are picky in my eyes, and I've just done the "eat this or nothing" approach. I'm not a restaurant!! I'm not going to make 3 different meals! Many times they'll eat their fruit and declare they're finished...ok, fine, but there's nothing after dinner (even dh and I don't eat/snack after dinner) so if you're REALLY done there's nothing until breakfast tomorrow morning. You know what? They're totally fine. They don't starve. They don't whine. And dh and I can have at least a few minutes of a peaceful meal while they play in the livingroom. I use to fight it and they'd whine and cry, NOT acceptable! Now I pick my battles and this is not one of them, so eat what's on your plate with a thankful heart or be gone with you! :laugh: Everyone is happy!!0
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And if they don't eat it, don't let them snack an hour later. If they get hungry, they can have their dinner then. I went through this a few years ago with my kids. My son went to bed without eating a couple days in a row before he came around.0
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Kids should not be given a choice. If they won't eat what you prepare for them, then they don't eat. Sooner or later, the problem works itself out.0
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Is mom in the picture? You guys should prob all get on the same page before you execute a plan. As I'm sure you know. Consistency is key for kids0
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You could use my method and see if it works, I share custody with my ex-husband and he has his own, not so healthy, choices that he makes for my daughter and I choose healthy 90% of the time.
I make only one meal for everyone in the house and if she does not like it then it's either sit at the table till her plate is empty or she can go straight to bed hungry and she will get nothing but water from that point onward. At first she refused and would go to bed hungry and be upset (she is 4 so she does need to eat, but some lessons need to be learned) and would cry for maybe 10 minutes then settle down and then go to bed since there is no other option but eating the food on the plate. It took 3 tries before she started eating most of what was on her plate and then I would offer to give her a nice dessert (chocolate pudding with a bit of whip cream) if she finished her plate. This also took about 3 tries before she started finishing her plate and now when she finishes maybe 25% of the time she will actually want her dessert and a good chunk of the time she has now started asking for carrot sticks instead. SHOCKING!
This may not be a method that can work for you, but you never know
Good luck!0 -
You think you have it bad? My kid just turned down a trip to McDonald's! She said McDonald's was unhealthy! She's 5, is that too late to leave her in a basket at the police station?
LOL...my Toddler is turning 3 in March and I asked him this morning if he wanted to go to Chuckie Cheese for his birthday. He's a very sweet kid...he asked me if it would hurt my food (he means my diary) and then said he didn't want to go if it would hurt my food because he wanted me to be strong and be able to take care of him for a long time. We're going...I told him one day wasn't going to do any damage and he had a big ol' smile on his face.0 -
I'd quit making food the issue. They'll eat when they're hungry especially if you don't make a big deal out of them not eating -- just wrap up their food and let them know they can have it later if they get hungry. The one thing I would correct is the "never hide their disgust" thing at dinner time but that's just because I'm big on manners and that wouldn't be acceptable to me.
This. My kids have come around. They still get treats but enjoy the healthy food also. I'm not cooking 2 dinners...they will eat what I eat.0 -
I wasn't able to glean the ages of the children, however...
Make it clear that treats, junk food and unhealthy foods are something that should be rare in their lives. You're teaching this because it's important and you love them. But don't make the junk food a reward, especially at first. It will reinforce bad habits when they're old enough to be on their own. So no "great game! Let's get McDonalds!"
I would be inclined to have a talk with them about food in general. What they like, and what they don't. Give them a say in what the meals will be in the house, and have them participate in its preparation. Make it fun. Maybe start out with one day a week the "kids make dinner."
It's hard for them to turn up their noses at meals they make themselves.
You could let the kids tell you what they want (pizza, etc) and get wholesome recipes that can be made at home. No, it won't taste the same as pizza hut, so it's important to have the kids help every step of the way so they'll be more accepting when it's on the table.
Here's a good article:
http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=95220 -
You could use my method and see if it works, I share custody with my ex-husband and he has his own, not so healthy, choices that he makes for my daughter and I choose healthy 90% of the time.
I make only one meal for everyone in the house and if she does not like it then it's either sit at the table till her plate is empty or she can go straight to bed hungry and she will get nothing but water from that point onward. At first she refused and would go to bed hungry and be upset (she is 4 so she does need to eat, but some lessons need to be learned) and would cry for maybe 10 minutes then settle down and then go to bed since there is no other option but eating the food on the plate. It took 3 tries before she started eating most of what was on her plate and then I would offer to give her a nice dessert (chocolate pudding with a bit of whip cream) if she finished her plate. This also took about 3 tries before she started finishing her plate and now when she finishes maybe 25% of the time she will actually want her dessert and a good chunk of the time she has now started asking for carrot sticks instead. SHOCKING!
This may not be a method that can work for you, but you never know
Good luck!
Sounds like what my parents did. She'll grow up liking lots of different kinds of foods (because you are making her try them) and contrary to popular belief she will still like and love you even though you aren't trying to be her best friend. Sounds like great parenting to me
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Oh, and don't have snacks and similar in the house. Otherwise they'll sneak it later. "This is what's in the house" is a powerful tool.0
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My kids aren't super picky, but they have their moments. We have a "this is the meal, eat it or not, your choice, but don't be rude" rule. If they choose not to at least try their food (which for my kids is a couple bites) , that fine, they can go play. The meal will sit on the table, and whenever they are hungry, they can try it. Until then, no other food. If they give it a genuine try, they can pick something else to eat. The "something else" is not a highly desirable food (grilled cheese for my kids, lol) it is something boring like a peanut butter sandwich.
Our other policy is that if they want a second serving, they need to finish the vegetables on their plate first.
Forcing kids to finish their full plate or eat food they hate is a recipe for disordered eating. Ellyn Satter is an expert on this and there is a ton of good info on her website. Ellynsatter.com. I have no connection to her, just passing on info from friends who have used her methods with success.0 -
I don't know how old the kids are, but once my kids started turning their noses up at our meals, we put them on timeouts until they were ready to eat. We didn't set a time limit, just put them away from the family on a step until THEY decided they wanted to eat. If it lasted the whole meal, well they didn't eat and went to bed hungry. Usually only lasted about 5 minutes (if that) before they decided they would eat. And if they DIDN'T eat, they got the "this is what's for dinner and you get nothing else all night" routine. Only took a couple of times and no problems.0
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I'm a tough love kind of dad.... my kids eat what I make or they don't eat.... and guess what? They eat. And they have great BMIs.0
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I believe the saying is "CPS requires that you provide food and nourishment. It doesnt say that they have to eat it."
I agree with the - if you keep making a big deal about it, it will only get worse. Not to mention there could be other divorce/mom/dad/step mom issues going on.
Eventually they will be old enough to decide whether or not to see you and your husband. I wouldnt want to push them away.0
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