Do I need to change my mindset?

mrsnecincy

Hi All, wondered if you could help me with something. A member of my family has sent me a picture of myself when I was 2 sizes smaller he said 'I thought seeing a picture of how good you can look might help with motivation' I know this works for some people but I'm a little offended by this. I've taken it to mean I looked good then and look crappy now & I was 21 in the photo this person is talking about. Besides I'm doing this for health reasons not to look good in pics. Also, this person took my wedding photos in which I was the size I am now and thought I looked ok and now I'm worried that everyone thought I looked hideous in my wedding photos. This person is now offended that I was ungreatful for him sending me the picture. Am I right to be offended or should I care more about what I look like in photos and what other people think? Is losing weight for looks just as important as for health? Just interested in your thoughts. And for info In the old pic I was a UK 12 and am a 16 now.

cara523

Hi! and please do not try to lose weight for other people! do it for yourself! Do it for the right reasons...you want to live a healthier lifestyle! Pictures are pictures. They are meant to be reminders of the time and place of the event...not the height and weight of a person ( unless that is the reason for the picture). I would not let that bother you. Take it, accept it and move on from it. If you are here because YOU want to be then that is all that matters! The reason doesnt matter either, as long as it is YOUr reason and YOUr mind and heart are in it! Good luck

GuybrushThreepw00d

If there's a group of people that you can rely on for honest unthinking and, often blunt comments... It's your family.
You should hear some of the stuff my gran's said about me and my sisters weight

I think you could easily get offended about it, but am sure it wasn't intended that way. Take it as motivation.

Chrissy180

7 years ago I weighed 320 lbs. I got off the couch, changed my diet and started working out like a crazy person. One year later I weighed 176lbs and looked and felt great. Then I fell in love and started to go out more on the weekends and miss workouts. Immediately I started putting on weight. 6 months later I had gained 40 lbs back!! My mother said when she saw me at my brothers wedding that she could tell that I was gaining weight and she was just beside herself because I had worked so hard to get it off in the first place. I was shocked that she didn't say anything to me about my weight gain. I asked her why and she said she didn't want to hurt my feelings or cause an argument. I was angry with her and myself. I felt like if she had pointed out to me what everyone else was seeing but I was too blind to realize I would and could have changed my habits immediately. Now I am back up to 275 lbs and starting over. Be thankful that you have someone that cares enough about you health to say something. I just wish someone had been brutally honest with me. Maybe he didn't say it is the best way possible, lol. But I'm sure his intentions were in the right place. Good Luck to you!!

tommygirl15

Maybe your family member has good intentions and is just trying to help. However, it's you that has to feel comfortable in your own body. Losing weight for health is definitely more important than losing weight for looks - looks is just a bonus
Sometimes we can't take things so personally, not everyone thinks the same way and I'm sure there's many who find you beautiful just as you are. This journey is about you and not anyone else. Keep up the good work!

neanderthin

Never talk about weight with anyone, always default to how wonderful a person looks, always.

mrsnecincy

Thanks All. You're all right. I suppose I have always been comfortable with myself no matter what size I am. To me, my size isn't the reason I look good in that pic, I was tanned, in a lovely very posh frock, just had hair done etc so anyone of any size looks their best in that situation. Thanks all for your replies. It's great to know I'm not alone. I've never bought into the whole 'cruel to be kind thing' and would never tell anyone, no matter how subtle, that I think they should lose weight. It's such a sensitive and deeply personal issue. But I do need to appreciate that not everyone thinks like me!

Firefox7275

Hi All, wondered if you could help me with something. A member of my family has sent me a picture of myself when I was 2 sizes smaller he said 'I thought seeing a picture of how good you can look might help with motivation' I know this works for some people but I'm a little offended by this. I've taken it to mean I looked good then and look crappy now & I was 21 in the photo this person is talking about. Besides I'm doing this for health reasons not to look good in pics. Also, this person took my wedding photos in which I was the size I am now and thought I looked ok and now I'm worried that everyone thought I looked hideous in my wedding photos. This person is now offended that I was ungreatful for him sending me the picture. Am I right to be offended or should I care more about what I look like in photos and what other people think? Is losing weight for looks just as important as for health? Just interested in your thoughts. And for info In the old pic I was a UK 12 and am a 16 now.

Did you already let it be known around the family you wanted to lose weight/ bodyfat? If not they were bang out of order but what's done is done. Working in lifestyle healthcare far more people starting eating differently and exercising for aesthetic reasons that for health, by a massive majority. From my POV whatever gets them in the door and working hard is fine.

I don't think you should care about in photos unless YOU care about the photos, some people look great at a UK 16 some not so much it depends on your muscle mass, the fat distribution and what you wear. I am small framed, small chested and low muscle so look really flabby and pregnant when I get to a UK 14 (yes strangers start making comments!), my best friend is taller, large framed and large chested, looks hourglass and healthy at the same size.

I do think you should care about whether you are a healthy weight and bodyfat percentage, that is going to affect you for the rest of your life from fertility in your youth (only being fairly modestly under or overweight can really affect fertility) to being physically and mentally well in the future. It's a lot easier to drop a couple of dress sizes when you are young than drop more dress sizes when you are older. If you are a healthy weight, healthy bodyfat and healthy mental attitude, great!

mrsnecincy

Well the person in question is my stepfather. He only knows about this as my mother was with me when the Dr told me and she has worked in nutrition for years although neither of them are skinny! But probably top of healthy range. I'm short myself but my weight is evenly distributed. Big in the T & A department, chunky legs and hips but still have a waist. It's going from my legs first strangely. Anyway yes, fertility has been a problem (trying 2 years) that's my biggest motivation. And getting the doc off my case!

karenjoy

I think you are the only one to know the answer to this question. I don't know you or your step father, is he a decent man usually? is he doing this with good intentions? you are the one that knows the answer. Also if the Dr wants you to lose weight, then maybe you DO need to change your mindset, as to me, a stranger, it sounds like an excuse.....

mrsnecincy

Yes he can be unreasonable and didn't get involved in his own daughter's weight issues but this isn't about him. It's not an excuse. I am going to do this. I'm doing it for me and my health and my future.It's working. I'm not going to stop and I'm very positive and motivated. I'm asking if I should be adding vanity to the list too as right now looking like I did 14 years ago isn't top priority and I'm just worrying if it should be.