the way people react when your losing weight

tndejong

this isn't a question. me just venting a little. i am a newbie on here. just started January 1st. in less then 2 weeks i have already lost 14 pounds. big accomplishment for me. but im starting to see that people react to your success in different ways. a few close friends jumped on board as soon as i said im doing this. but by the second day i could see they really were not committed. excuses to why they cant exercise, kids, work, etc. one of my friends decided to greet me with a regular monster and looked very insulted when i said no. day 2? come on! i could give many examples. my mom buys me a waffle maker and cupcake maker for christmas! and dealing with my fiance is hard. although he has been very supportive. i ate two cookies as a snack before bed the other day. he comes walking in the livingroom saying, you shouldn't be eating that! and yesterday i had lunch at mcdonalds and again with the remarks.. did you log that!! really? come on! and when i reached the 14 pound mark i bragged about it on facebook. one of the remarks that kinda made me mad was a friend of mine who posted a remark saying that most of it is just water weight. I dont care if part of it is! ive been exercising my butt off and working hard at it! its it that hard to believe that if you put in the effort that you will lose weight?

im sure every one of you have stories like mine. im sure im going to have many more on this journey. i refuse to be the fat girl on a diet. i want to live an active life and im loving it. and yes im going to have my mcdonalds! im just being smart about it now. people really need to open there eyes and see that diets dont work. the bottom line is you have to educate yourself and put in the hard work. simple as that. you didn't get fat over night, so no quick fix is going to make you thin again! ok im done venting!! have a good day everyone!

cmaddox23

Congrats on your loss! and I agree, I don't care if EVERY pound I lose is water! at least it's gone.... keep up the good work and forget those people that are so mean, they obviously don't have a place in your healthy life....

wendybird5

First things first: you are doing awesome!!! Keep up the great work!! And remember that this is all for you and no one else.

I posted about this same thing the other day and I think part of us sharing our weight loss journey with everyone includes getting a lot of feedback and reaction to it - both good and bad - because weight loss is definitely a big issue for so many people. I've started to make categories for people who react to our weight loss with what seems like less than supportive comments and actions:

Saboteurs - I don't think they do it consciously, but there are people who are so self-conscious about their own health issues and who have so many excuses about why they can't get healthy, that when someone they know disproves their excuses, they start to do things to sabotage your efforts. When I started my weight loss journey, a lot of people told me why they couldn't do what I was doing and were also the people saying "Oh, you lost weight. You can afford to splurge a little today." or "You can skip the gym today since you worked out yesterday." By the time I got close to my goal, a lot of those same people were asking me what I did and trying out the app and my gym. I just stick to what I'm doing and give a firm, "Thanks, but no thanks." and don't even bother with an explanation.

Food Police - People have their own perceptions of what it means to be healthy and some of those people think it means you have to be nothing but strict and clean at all times and if you aren't, then you must not be serious about getting healthy. There are a lot of them on MFP, but there are also some you'll meet in real life. They are either people who themselves got fit by being super strict with their diet (or in the case with one of my friends - had so many food allergies and issues that she had no choice but to eat that way) and think everyone should do it their way, or they are overweight themselves and because they feel bad about themselves, have to lash out at you. Depending on who these people are, you can either confront them and tell them that unless they are going to be buying and preparing all your meals going forward, that they can just keep their opinions to themselves, or just avoid them as much as possible and change topic if they bring it up.

In The Dark - There are people who genuinely want to be supportive, but because they have their own ideas of what that means, their attempts may come off wrong. These people are usually close family and friends. Some people, like your fiance, may do it by trying to go all Biggest Loser coach on you. Other people like your mom may go the other way and, not wanting to appear to be telling you what you can or can't eat, will offer you treats because they don't want you to feel as if you can't have what everyone else has just because you are losing weight. And some people just don't know better - perhaps like your friend who gave you the drink you didn't want. These people just need to be educated. Sit down with them and tell them what kind of support that you want from them. If they know what you need from them, they will better be able to offer it to you.

Know It Alls - Even when you are having success, there are going to be people who think they know a better way and give you their advice, even though you didn't ask. These are usually strangers who just can't keep to their own business. (I had a guy at the gym criticize me when I used to drink Gatorade - something my trainer had recommended at the time because I couldn't keep food down in the morning. Or the guy on the subway platform who said I needed to lose weight - and he was no where near being svelte himself.) For those people, you can only nod, smile, say. "That's very interesting." and then put on your headphones and keep doing what you're doing because it's working for you, babe! And after all, when it comes to your weight loss, it is all about you.

SleepySin

My progress has been met with some unwelcome remarks as well. I'm 5'2" and at my heaviest, I weighed 123 about 4 months ago. Now I'm back to my normal range of 110-114-ish. When I mentioned the loss to some people, they remarked about why I didn't need to lose weight and that I was "small" enough already. Some thought that I was going extreme with my workouts, eating too little and would get sick. Aside from post-workout soreness, I feel better than ever and am proud of it

For me, it's not about hitting a goal weight, it's about being fit and if the weight goes down, so be it.

coolgrannie

I like Wendybird's breakdown: some people just don't know exactly what you need in the way of support. It's worth telling them and asking for specific kinds of help. Others, even the ones that sound supportive, are scared and ashamed of their own weight/health/issues, and are consciously or unconsciously sabotaging you. Avoid if you can; ignore when possible; smile and keep going. It's true that living well is the best revenge.

And expect good things; sometimes people will surprise you. I got a lovely call from a friend who said, I'm so glad to see how healthy you're living now. And my mother, who I automatically assume will tear me down whenever possible, has been wonderful. She always notices when I've lost or when I'm able to wear clothes I couldn't wear for a long time; she celebrates with me, and never says a word when she sees me slip a bit. And when I visit she cooks healthy meals. Who would have thought??

You're doing so well! I salute you.

tndejong

everything you guys are saying is true! i am just glad i have people on here that understand. its easier to speak my mind on here to people who understand. i want support yet i want to just live my life too. some of the people are not use to my changes cause we all got use to bad habits. food is always in the mix. when you make plans with people its always where to go for dinner. we ahould go get ice cream or go get a drink. or if its been a long day lets go get coffee or treat ourselves to something. even when you go to parties or plan events its always such a food focused world. and when your the big girl in that world, people think your always going to be that. they base there opinions and judgements on you just based on your size. just cause im big i can cook or bake. and when the world sees small people they assume you starve yourself or naturally your more active.

when you take the time to truly put yourself forward and reach for a goal you finally see that.

SleepySin

and when your the big girl in that world, people think your always going to be that. they base there opinions and judgements on you just based on your size. just cause im big i can cook or bake. and when the world sees small people they assume you starve yourself or naturally your more active.

More surprise to them when you show off your new and improved self!! You might even inspire some friends and family along the way

Mashizou

I can definitely relate to many of these stories. When I began my weight loss journey I was so excited that I wanted all of my close friends and family to know. Big mistake. My family gave me the usual, "Oh! That's silly. You look fine the way you are," or, "You don't need to do that," or even, "Please tell me you aren't trying to lose weight." I'm sure that these remarks were made out of concern, but they really struck a nerve with me. I may "look fine" but that didn't mean that I was healthy. I could barely run half a block without getting winded and I was one point away from being overweight according to my BMI score. It was time for a change.

I even had a roommate get angry with me because she thought it was unhealthy for me to go for a jog for more than a few minutes a day or to spend so much time documenting my diet (fiber/protein/calorie/calcium/etc. intake). She was initially supportive, until I started showing results. The moment I started losing inches off my waistline and showing muscle definition, she became nasty. It got to the point where she began spreading nasty rumors behind my back about how I was "obsessed with exercise". All I was doing at that time was P90X and weekday-morning jogs to help me wake up before work.

I've found that the best thing for me is to just keep my fitness goals and my diet/workout between me and my doctor.