Dealing with EXTREMELY NEGATIVE people.
Hinxx
Posts: 93 Member
Hi!
I just joined MFP like a week ago and I'm doing great and I love it! I read a lot of the success stories and also watch documentaries and read books to keep me informed about the best way to be healthy. There's only ONE thing that's kinda driving me crazy though: My immediate family is EXTREMELY NEGATIVE towards this process.
The ONLY one who's really supporting me is my boyfriend and he joined the program a few days ago. We currently live with my mother-in-law and she has diabetes. The doctors have told her numerous times to stay away from sugars and all that jazz and to lose weight. I tried telling her about this website but she just won't listen to me and she would just think that she knows best, ALWAYS. She's a nurse and, for some reason, she thinks of herself almost as a doctor and she always rejects any idea I try to give her about eating healthier or losing weight or exercising.
The problem is that I see her eating all this bad carbs and things that have a high glycemic index and i worry about her health. She just doesn't want to listen and she tells me that this won't work for her, without even trying it! My sister is the same. She just tells me she gets home from work too tired to exercise or that it's too difficult to eat healthy. My father has diabetes and he told me that this won't work for him either because my mother doesn't cook healthy meals for him (sexist much?). It's negativity ALL AROUND. I know that I can't force anyone to listen to me and that's fine. I tried to help and they rejected my input so I'll go on with my life.
The major problem of all of this is that my mother-in-law wants me to "share" my healthy foods with her because she's supposed to watch what she eats and I don't like that idea because if she eats all my healthy food, then I'll be left with all of the junk food she keeps buying for the house! If she was really committed to eat healthier, I would do it, but she's not and I'm afraid that all the good food will just go to waste. Since we live with her, it's extremely difficult to keep our food separate from hers and she tends to eat anything on sight, without asking.
Any advice???
I just joined MFP like a week ago and I'm doing great and I love it! I read a lot of the success stories and also watch documentaries and read books to keep me informed about the best way to be healthy. There's only ONE thing that's kinda driving me crazy though: My immediate family is EXTREMELY NEGATIVE towards this process.
The ONLY one who's really supporting me is my boyfriend and he joined the program a few days ago. We currently live with my mother-in-law and she has diabetes. The doctors have told her numerous times to stay away from sugars and all that jazz and to lose weight. I tried telling her about this website but she just won't listen to me and she would just think that she knows best, ALWAYS. She's a nurse and, for some reason, she thinks of herself almost as a doctor and she always rejects any idea I try to give her about eating healthier or losing weight or exercising.
The problem is that I see her eating all this bad carbs and things that have a high glycemic index and i worry about her health. She just doesn't want to listen and she tells me that this won't work for her, without even trying it! My sister is the same. She just tells me she gets home from work too tired to exercise or that it's too difficult to eat healthy. My father has diabetes and he told me that this won't work for him either because my mother doesn't cook healthy meals for him (sexist much?). It's negativity ALL AROUND. I know that I can't force anyone to listen to me and that's fine. I tried to help and they rejected my input so I'll go on with my life.
The major problem of all of this is that my mother-in-law wants me to "share" my healthy foods with her because she's supposed to watch what she eats and I don't like that idea because if she eats all my healthy food, then I'll be left with all of the junk food she keeps buying for the house! If she was really committed to eat healthier, I would do it, but she's not and I'm afraid that all the good food will just go to waste. Since we live with her, it's extremely difficult to keep our food separate from hers and she tends to eat anything on sight, without asking.
Any advice???
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Replies
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Your MIL sounds like an old roommate I had. I had to resort to buying a small (dorm size) refrigerator for myself. I kept it in my room and I had a lock on it. I also kept non-refrigerated food in one of the drawers in my dresser. The hardest part was dinner time when she'd want to eat whatever I was cooking. At first I would only cook enough for one person and share it with her. After about 2 weeks she decided that it wasn't enough for her, so she started fending for herself before I even got home from work (she got home about 2 hours before me). I only lived with her for about 6 months....6 very long months.
It's a tough situation you're in. Stay positive and don't let anyone get you down! Maybe when your family sees how much healthier you become, they might follow your example. Good luck!0 -
Move out, get a place of your own and live the lifestyle you want to.
Ok it's not always that simple.
It's not so much of a 'diet' issue as a boundary and respect issue. These are my things...and these are your things. I won't eat your food and in turn you won't eat mine. Don't blend the 2 issues. Eat healthy, lead by example, don't stress yourself if they don't adopt the lifestyle.0 -
Live your life and let her eat her way through hers. This goes for your father as well.
What you have described is NOT negativity - it is an unwillingness to convert to your new lifestyle. If you keep trying to convert them, they may will become negative towards you.
The more you push, the more she will lash out at you. All you can do is eat healthy for yourself and NOT try to educate her unless she asks, which she may do if she sees you having results without obsessing over everything.0 -
This sounds crazy, but if you're really worried that she's going to take your healthy food... try to figure out healthy things that YOU like that she doesn't. My younger sister lived with me for a while and she also ate everything in sight. Finally, I started buying things that she didn't like and my food stopped disappearing!
Tricky, but it works. As for the negativity, ignore them and do what you have to do for yourself. Show them instead of telling them. 0 -
1. Stop preaching to your family. They'll change when they want to. No one likes being nagged.
2. Regarding the food situation... Just buy what you need every day. Find the foods she doesn't like, or that need to much preparation for her. Anything to put her off. Have you tried protein shakes? Buy a 5lb tub of one of those, i guarantee you that she won't be taking any of your whey protein. :laugh:0 -
Regarding wanting to share your healthy food, I would tell her that my food budget is limited and I can't really afford to feed both of us, but I would be glad to give her a list of things I need to make the meals I've planned so she can buy them, or she can give me money so I can buy twice as much. Until that happens, I'd make meals for myself and repeat the above if she expresses the desire to share.0
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Ask your MIL to add the healthy food she enjoyed from you to her shopping list.0
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Thats what we are hear for. I spend alot of time on MFP - reading, learning about being healthier, making new friends. It stops me snacking, keeps me motivated and I consider it is a good investment of my time. If you dont have immediate support at home then use us thats what we're here for !0
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move out.0
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Thanx everyone for replying!
Regarding the choice of moving out, that IS our plan but we just moved to the USA a couple of months ago and we're saving up, so that's not an option, for now.
Also, I wasn't nagging anyone nor preaching, I just approached my family members (one time) with a new option because they're always complaining about being unhealthy but they all reacted negatively towards it.
I might look into that mini-fridge suggestion, since she pretty much lives downstairs and we live upstairs.
Thanx again! 0 -
Thank you!Thats what we are hear for. I spend alot of time on MFP - reading, learning about being healthier, making new friends. It stops me snacking, keeps me motivated and I consider it is a good investment of my time. If you dont have immediate support at home then use us thats what we're here for !0
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