Rules to Not be a Crummy Human Being

hearthemelody

http://www.danoah.com/2013/01/33-rules-to-not-be-a-crummy-human-being.html

The first dozen from good ol Single Dad Laughing:

1.When you mistakenly block another car’s path with your car, even if only for a minute, wave apologetically instead of driving off angry that you feel hurried.
2.Don’t fart while you’re walking in the middle of a big crowd just because no one will know that it’s you.
3.When you accidentally walk into someone because you weren’t looking where you were going, apologize instead of walking off like nothing happened.
4.If you’re a guy, don’t be an *kitten* and stare at girls’ boobs. They’re not stupid. Their peripheral vision extends much further than yours does.
5.If you find out someone is gay, don’t immediately ask them how their parents feel about it. Just say, “cool.”
6.When you’re at the gym, wipe your sweat off the machines when you’re done. Nobody else wants to be sittin’ in your nasty nasty.
7.Don’t throw your cigarette butts onto your neighbor’s doormat. Does it really need to be explained why this isn’t cool?
8.Clean up your dog’s crap. It’s not that hard. It’s not that gross. It certainly isn’t as gross as stepping in someone else’s dog’s crap.
9.If you find something expensive that’s not yours, it wasn’t a gift. Someone is probably (desperately) looking for it. So turn it in.
10.Don’t spit your gum out where everyone walks. Common sense, people.
11.Find a garbage can (there’s one at the end of every aisle), and throw your Costco sample trash away. Don’t leave it in your cart. Believe it or not, the next customer doesn’t want to do that for you.
12.When you hit a deer, yes… it sucks. But move it out of the road so that the next guy doesn’t hit it, too. Carry Purel in your car.

hearthemelody

13.When you knock stuff off of the store shelves, pick it up and put it back on the shelf. Basic two-year old skills.
14.Speaking of store shelves, when you grab a product, It doesn’t matter to me if you put it back where it doesn’t go, just don’t cover up another product so that other people can’t find it anymore.
15.When a grown man smiles at your baby, don’t give him a look that says “you’re an icky pedophile.” People just like babies and people are nice.
16.When you tell a joke, and nobody laughs, don’t explain it for five minutes, just move on. Silence twice is just awkward for everyone, and everyone already feels like they lost part of their lives the first time around.

polarsjewel

I like it. It's sort of like "Everything I learned in Kindergarten"

hearthemelody

17.When you’re on a first date, don’t ask how much money the other person makes. It’s not classy. Besides. If they want to tell you they’ll do it on their own and they’re a douche. If they don’t want to tell you, they don’t want you to ask.
18.When you’re at a dance club, remember some people go there to dance and not to be felt up by strangers. This includes guys.
19.Now, this one is going to seem really out there… When someone gives you something, say thank you. If it’s a big something, give them a big thank you. If it’s an STI, you have my permission to skip this rule. It’s amazing how many people don’t say thank you hardly at all anymore.
20.Do not drink from another person’s water bottle if they don’t specifically offer it to you. I don’t care how well you know them or how clean you think your mouth is.
21.Before you have a party, warn your neighbors it may get a little loud instead of getting ticked off at them for pounding on the ceiling below. Most neighbors are pretty cool with the occasional noise as long as they have a heads up.
22.When someone doesn’t text you back within two minutes, don’t text them and ask if something’s wrong. Unless, of course, their last text said, “something might be wrong.”
23.Don’t be a jerk on the Internet.
24.Don’t let your friends text while they’re drunk, no matter how in control they tell you they are. Just take that **** away and hide it from them. I’m sorry to cuss. But it needed to be said.
25.When a friend has a get-together, be careful that you don’t overextend your welcome. You may not understand why (being that you’re so awesome and all), but they may not want you there till three in the morning and they may be too nice (or wussy) to tell you so. Pick up on their verbal cues such as, “well, I sure am tired.” Or, “I really wish you’d pack up your crap and go.”
26.If you’ve got time to spare and your windows are all done, scrape the ice off of the car next to you. You never know but that they’ll be in a big hurry and forget to leave time for scraping. Plus, people are awesome and they almost always return the favor.
27.Don’t bring up politics or religion at fun social gatherings. Ever. Guaranteed the host will want to kick you in the no-nos for hijacking their party.
28.Let the person with three items go in front of you in the checkout line. Especially when your cart overfloweth. It’ll put you out less than one minute if you do. It will put them out a solid ten if you don’t.
29.Don’t give people guilt trips for living their beliefs different than you live yours. Instead, quack at them. Then you both laugh instead of hating each other.
30.Don’t text people before 9 AM and after 10 PM unless you *know* they’re awake. Some of us turn into grouchy murderous bears when we get woken up.
31.When you realize you were originally wrong about someone, and it turns out they’re not really the spawn of Satan, swallow your pride and tell them so. I bet it’ll make their day.
32.If you had a less than stellar moment in the sack, laugh about it. Don’t go all crazy trying to explain away the awkwardness. I promise you things will only get more awkward.
33.Speaking of sex, don’t make people who really like you think that you really like them every time you want sex. That’s called being a douchetard. And it applies to both sexes.
TO BE CONTINUED, BUT NOT TOMORROW, JUST SOME DAY WHEN I HAVE AN INKLING TO DO SO.

perfectingpatti

Like!

hearthemelody

I like it. It's sort of like "Everything I learned in Kindergarten"

Exactly what I was thinking!