Husband sabotage

singcoz528

Does anyone else feel like their husband or significant other is trying to sabotage their diet?

It seems like every time I'm doing really great on dieting and exercising my husband finds a way to convince me to stop. He hates it when I want to loose weight and says I'm fine the way I am (I am almost 210lbs!) I just want to be healthy and feel good in my own skin. He just doesn't understand why I would want to loose weight if he thinks I'm fine the way I am.

I just don't know how to explain to him that I wanna do this for me not him...every time I try to explain he just doesn't seem to get it. Like I said, he thinks if he likes how I look I shouldn't want to loose weight. He said he's on board with wanting to eat healthier but he just doesn't think I should focus on loosing weight.

I have realized that every time I slip up and quit my whole diet, it has really been because he has convinced me to! Part of me thinks that he thinks if I get all skinny and looking good I will get hit on more or something and leave him....which kind of ticks me off even more...

So, I've decided to completely ignore him when he gets mad at me for wanting to exercise or get something low-cal on the menu. I'm doing this for ME not anyone else!

hamiltonba

Yes, I had the same issue. I gave him a half truth - I told him, "My doctor told me that I have to lose 100lbs or he is concerned that I will have diabetes and high blood pressure and that it is not good for my joints and cholesterol to be this big". Not quite a lie, but my doctor didn't actually say it. Then when he said, I was fine, I asked him if he wanted me to have a heart attack? Of course the answer was no and therefore could justify my losing weight! Hope this helps.

SugarHi

You go girl! Keep a smile on that face of yours and keep chugging along... at some point as he sees your changes and your acceptance he will grow up a little bit

bebhinn

Good on you!!

My partner brought me home a snack wrap, then a cheeseburger, then a panzerotti and finally I lost it and said "I didnt lose 45lbs by eating that junk!! If you want to "include" me in a tasty snack, call me first or grab me some berries!! (That was when the berries were super winter expensive)

She was upset, but it was her way of trying to reward me and not make me feel like I'm missing out etc. She didn't understand how frustrating it was to be faced with a food challenge at every turn. I just explained to her that it hurts more to have the food waved under my nose and to have to say NO than it does to not have it at all. Now she gets her tasty snacks and eats them before she gets home. (Lucky brat!)

They truly are motivated by love - the just don't understand that its sabotage

s_parziale

I had similar issues with my husband - he would roll his eyes whenever I mentioned the calories in food or looked at the healthy section of a menu. When I talked to him he said he was worried I'd become obsessed with it and make him change too. Make sure your husband knows how you feel about him and if he loves you he'll support you regardless. In the end you have to look out for yourself because you're the only one accountable for your lifestyle!! Good Luck!!!

aippolito1

If you've already explained to him that this is for YOU and to prove to YOURSELF you can do it and he doesn't get it, then don't worry about him!! My boyfriend, in the beginning, would say I didn't need to lose weight even though it's clear I did/do but now he encourages me and tells me how great I'm doing and how he can tell a difference. I think eventually, your husband will come around. Once he realizes how successful you are and how much he can't keep his hands off you...he won't complain anymore. :P Hang in there, sweetie!! Don't let him get you down. Like you said, this is for you, so don't let anyone tell you differently.

clheide

you know, that's interesting, and to an extent (i don't think it was deliberate or that he was even really aware of it) but my husband used to do that too. we actually talked about that recently and kind of came to terms with the situation.

i do think that he probably feels safer and more secure in the relationship if you are heavier. on some level (and he really may not be aware of it), he is insecure about you being fit & trim.

i would try not to be upset with him about it honestly, because again it may not be a conscious thing that he is aware of. but it may be helpful for you both to have a low-key, peaceful conversation about it.

kingnatalie

Good for you, you should do this for YOU. Looks like you are a new mom too, so it is also important for you husband to understand that in completing this goal for yourself, you will be more healthy and a good role model for your daughter as well. He should at least understand that. While he may think you are fine the way you are, he should still be supportive towards you and your goal. Although you are focusing on losing weight, put the focus as far as he is concerned more on becoming healthy... which includes a healthy diet and exercise (which of course in turn usually equals weight loss). There is an underlying reason he is sabotaging you, he is scared. Give him no reason to fear it, only reasons to be excited for your awesome journey, hard work, and dedication. You can do it!!

JJRunning

I know how you feel!!! My man does the same thing... I don't think he intentionally does it, and he doesn't make any rude comments. He just don't act like he supports that I take the time to work out and eat healthy. I keep telling him I'm doing it for both of us, so that he can have a good looking lady to take out (haha)! I think it's normal for a man to get a little jealous if their lady starts looking smokin' (especially if the aren't necessarily in shape), but STICK TO YOUR GOALS, and don't pressure him to do the same.

Also, this behavior isn't always specific to men... your girlfriends may start to do the same thing! They'll feel bad that your looking good and they'll want you to eat bad foods with them too! Keep coming back to MFP too... it's been really helpful for me to have people who are supportive and are going through the same thing! It'll help you so you'll be reminded that you can do it and you should do it!

mamaturner

I been there. My husband was similar, he wanted me to lose the weight but didn't want to work with me ie. eat the foods that I make (since of course I do all of the cooking in the house) watch our daughter while I exercised and so on. But now that I've lost as much weight as I have he's a little more on board... although he's openly said he's afraid I'll leave him. Yes men are dumb, lol. no offense men reading!!

Now I have my husband on here b/c he needs to GAIN weight, lol... he has one of those metabolisms us women dream of... he consumes anywhere from 2500 to 4000 calories of healthy and crap foods a day, and weighs *drum rolls please* the same as me, 150 pounds.. the man's 6'2"

You just need to figure out a way to explain that this is for you, your sanity, your happiness and in turn both of his, in a way that he'll understand. Ya know, talk about how he'd like to overhall his truck, yea it looks nice now, but imagine new tires, new rims, a hood scoop and a new paint job! lol.. best of luck to you! The key is to not let him bother you, I know it's hard but please keep the motivation and determination. If your happy, he'll in turn be happy that your happy. Don't let him be selfish when it comes to your feelings.

sweetbn

My fiance is a bit of a sabbotage. He's good at pushing me to run but as soon as we're done he orders pizza and eats the whole thing!! I try to explain to him in order to lose weight we need to watch what we eat also but he doesn't seem to think it is necessary.

I just ignore his pizza, maybe have a bite, and go on with my tuna wrap. He does appreciate it when he sees how well my clothes are fitting. My guess is your husband will too!

bksteve26

My ex did the same exact thing to me! He wasn't the cook of the relationship and he refused to eat anything healthy. By the time I was really into my diet I was literally cooking two completely seperate one person meals, which I'm sure you all know is a lot of work on top of school and a full time job. Finally after the constant, 'you dont need to do this', i quit. I quit and I was unhappy again. About 5 months later we were broken up, he was moving across the country, and I was fat and alone. If only I had done it for me, and kept it up for me, I would have at least had my own self confidence to fall back on. Luckily, my sister was getting married in the next 2 months otherwise I know I wouldve eaten myself into another 20-30 lbs. My sister's wedding saved me. I took all the built up aggression and self hatred and shed 20 lbs instead. Now i've gained back the weight and that's why I'm here but this time I'm doing it healthy, and for myself. I am still single, 10 months later, but I'm really happy. And i'm proud of myself for what I've been doing. And i'm accomplishing things for me. If you're spouse can't respect the fact that you want to look good for you then he's just going to have to agree to disagree and stay out of your way. You deserve to do this for you. Is he overweight? Maybe he feels left out? You could always see if he would like to join you on your journey. And if that's not good enough then it definitely could be a jealousy thing. But if I could give you one piece of advice throughout this it would be, the more weight you lose, the more affectionate you should be with your spouse. That way its a win-win-win. He will realize that you are more confident and at the same time that you are not going anywhere and also it will help him be more supportive. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK! DO NOT LET A MAN GET YOU DOWN NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU TWO HAVE TOGETHER, WE ALWAYS END UP WITH OURSELVES TO DEAL WITH. You will feel good when this is all over, and Man! You're gonna look great too!

dchief30

I'm clheide husband ans she is right if he is ready to change with you what a awesome bonding that can become of the relationship and think are relationship has become much better by doing it together and you husband we be happy with the results becuase I know I'm Happy with my Hot Mama it took me a little bit becuase I got really insecure with us and then I talk to her about it what a awesome talk it was good look :happy:

mommyhof3

My husband did this too. I finally sat down and nagged him until he broke down and told my why. He said that if I lose the weight (he thinks I am fine the way I am too) then other guys will be looking at me and I may leave him for someone else. I reassured him that I am doing this for me and the only one I want looking at me is him. I am not doing it for others to look at me like that. I just want to feel good about myself. He is now ok and supports me. Sometimes I see a look in his eyes and just reassure him again lol

bebhinn

You know thats a good point! Maybe they are afraid that once you get a 'bangin bod' that you'll take off...I never even put two and two together.

AshlySouthard

Is your husband overweight? Definitely sounds like he insecure and this is more his issue than yours. I can't imagine my husband even attempting to sabotage my new way of life. He's very supportive. Although he tells me he loves me just the way I am... I want to be healthy. Plus, I know we'd both like to see me back to around the size I was when we first met. LoL

shanman

I'm one of the husbands who was guilty of this as well. I never told my wife to stop trying to lose weight, but I do all of the cooking and I refused to cook 2 different things for our meals. (We also have 2 children.) I have been overweight for quite a few years now and finally decided to do something about it.

Now I cook much healthier meals, and with us both doing this together, it is working wonderfully for both of us, plus we seem to be getting even closer and enjoying each other more as we strive for our goals together.

Like I said, I didn't intentionally make her stop for my own reasons, I just refused to be more accomodating to her needs. A healthy life-style change is just what we both needed for our well being, and our relationship.

Plus it's a little motivating to try to keep ahead of each-other. Kind of a friendly competition along with a support group all wrapped up into one!!

singcoz528

WOW! I never knew so many people had the same problem! This is why I love MFP!

My hubby IS overweight but he does NOT want to do anything fitness-wise with me. I got him to start eating better only because I refuse to buy unhealthy food. He still stops at fast food restaurants at lest 3 times a week tho. He always tries to convince me to get something too. I would LOVE to get him to do this with me but he just isn't interested.

I lost 45lbs before I got pregnant and there was no change in him then. Whenever I mentioned to him that I lost a few pounds since last time I weighed in he acted indifferent. He's the same way about my schooling too tho. I'm studying to be a teacher and when I tell him I got a 106% on an exam I was worried about he just says "That's cool" or something to that effect. Its really starting to bug me that he doesn't seem to support anything I'm involved in. I used to have my best girlfriend as a motivator and friend but she moved to Germany recently so I barely get to talk to her anymore. This website has really made me feel like I'm not alone in what I'm trying to accomplish!

It is great knowing that I'm not alone on this subject. Thanks guys!

asisler2

Well i dont have this problem as you know becca but we can help each other get through this lol.

steffi1686

Luckily my fiance has been really supportive of me losing weight. He loves my body the way it is, but he also wants me to be healthy and happy.
You could tell your husband that you are losing weight so you don't develop diabetes, high blood pressure, ect. and so you have the energy to take care of your kids (I assume you have kids judging by your pic). Good luck becoming a teacher! 106% on an exam is really awesome!
Maybe your husband is worried that your accomplishments will outshine his and make him feel that what he does isn't good enough anymore. Kind of like when I get bitter when looking at the accomplishments of my friends on facebook. On one hand I am happy for them but I am also a little jealous.