Cash Wedding gift

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neo200120018
neo200120018 Posts: 106 Member
in Chit-Chat
Hi all
I have a wedding in a couple of weeks, A friend from my nursing training who i have kept in contact with over the years. She has been living with her husband to be for many years and they have 2 children. So instead of gifts they are asking for optional donations towards a honeymoon. Now the question how much to give? its by bank deposit. I'm going to the wedding ceremony and reception but by myself, I am travelling but only about an hour and don't have to pay for accommodation as staying with my parents.
I work full time, but own my own house so funds aren't free flowing... (its NZD btw)

How much would you give?

Replies

  • ZeeShay
    ZeeShay Posts: 1,132 Member
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    personally 100+
  • RockaholicMama
    RockaholicMama Posts: 786 Member
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    100-150$ That's just me personally, esp if I was super close.
  • bettacheckyoself
    bettacheckyoself Posts: 570
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    I usually write a cheque for at least $150, for family $200 +
  • sz8soon
    sz8soon Posts: 816 Member
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    Depends on your own financial situation. How close of a friend is she- how much do you like her?

    I've given $50 and I've given $200- it just depended on the person.
  • Lyadeia
    Lyadeia Posts: 4,603 Member
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    I typically give about $100 for a wedding gift. When I got married 2 years ago, this is what most people got me, unless they were financially strapped (or it was my husband's grandma who actually has money, lol).
  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
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    Depends on your own financial situation. How close of a friend is she- how much do you like her?

    I've given $50 and I've given $200- it just depended on the person.

    If you're a Trump you give more, if you're a Kramden you give less
  • StrongAndHealthyMommy
    StrongAndHealthyMommy Posts: 1,255 Member
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    I just got married... and my friend would go by couples and they would give us $50 most of them, and some people didnt even get us an congrats card LOL... family member from $200 to gift worth $3000
  • Miss_Aurora
    Miss_Aurora Posts: 93
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    I've been told it's "generally" the equivalent of what they have to spend for you on the reception.

    BBQ= about $40

    Cocktails = $60-80

    Standard Reception = $80-$120

    Posh Reception = $150 - $200

    Obviously doubled for couples ..... and a friend told me once add $5 for every year you've known them.

    If you've had a best friend for 20 years .. giving them a $50 gift seems a bit cheap ;)

    I sort of begrudge people asking for money ... so I usually take $20 off what I'd have given them and give it to them in a cute money box or frame the money in a nice frame.
  • witchy_wife
    witchy_wife Posts: 792 Member
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    We didn't specifically ask for money but as we didn't have a gift register either we got cash from a lot of guests.

    My parents and grandparents didn't give anything as a gift but they contributed £1000 each towards the cost of the wedding!

    Our friends mostly gave us between £20 and £50 but I honestly can't remember who gave what. It wasn't about how much they gave, even just a card with a lovely message was fab.

    It was pretty amazing when hubby and I sat on the bed the next morning opening cards and reading all the lovely messages and the cash kept piling up! We ended up with over £500 and we only had about 30 guests in total. We took the cash on honeymoon and purchased some gorgeous local made ornaments and pictures that will always now remind us of our honeymoon.

    Just give what you can afford. If it isn't much, don't worry. I am sure your friend will be just happy to have you share the day. No point clearing out your bank accounts for them, am sure your friend would not want that.
  • lovelyMYlovely
    lovelyMYlovely Posts: 1,066 Member
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    50...... dollars...
  • LMT2012
    LMT2012 Posts: 697 Member
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    Since they are a long established couple with children, I think it's a bit tacky for them to direct people to deposit money toward their vacation. The tradition of a wedding and gifts was for young couples just starting out and were struggling. Give $100 bucks to attend the wedding.
  • neo200120018
    neo200120018 Posts: 106 Member
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    Thanks everyone! asked people at work and most said $50, a few a $100 so still deciding may just go inbetween and go for 75!
  • runningwoodpecker
    runningwoodpecker Posts: 58
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    Since they are a long established couple with children, I think it's a bit tacky for them to direct people to deposit money toward their vacation. The tradition of a wedding and gifts was for young couples just starting out and were struggling. Give $100 bucks to attend the wedding.

    Tacky?
  • dinosnopro
    dinosnopro Posts: 2,179 Member
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    Use the date of the wedding, a friend of mines dad did that for ours.

    Example , if the wedding is January 26th it would be $126.13
  • 3dogsrunning
    3dogsrunning Posts: 27,167 Member
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    Since they are a long established couple with children, I think it's a bit tacky for them to direct people to deposit money toward their vacation. The tradition of a wedding and gifts was for young couples just starting out and were struggling. Give $100 bucks to attend the wedding.

    Tacky?

    It is considered poor etiquette. According to etiquette. a gift should never be mentioned. also many people feel that you are basically telling people what to give you. Some people like giving a nice gift and put a lot of thought into it with the hope it will have some sentimental attachment down the road and by asking for money you are basically saying I don't want your crap. Sort of defeats the purpose of a "gift".

    Just what I have learned while planning a wedding. I am neither here nor there.


    ETA - it's hard to say how much to give because it tends to be very regional. Personally I would go on the high side of what people are telling you (I think you said 50-100) and would do $100.
  • BamBam125
    BamBam125 Posts: 229 Member
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    If the couple is Jewish a multiple of "chai" (18, meaning "life") is a traditional gift.

    For example:
    $18
    $36
    $54
    $72
    $90
    $108
    [...]

    And OP didn't say how they asked, so it may not be rude. We didn't put any info about gift registries on our invitation, but if a guest asked (and boy did they--"we don't need anything b/c we lived together before marriage [no kids] and already had stuff" wasn't an acceptable answer for them) we just let them know that we appreciate gift cards and named a few box stores in our area (Walmart, Target, Bed bath and beyond, Lowes, prepaid Visa, etc). Word made it through the grapevine that we were "asking for gift cards." Our original plan was to set up a charity account and donate any cash gifts, but we upped our timeline for purchasing a home instead and homes need stuff. People liked to hear what we've done with the money for our home. Aka "Thank you so much... It was great to have you at the wedding... I used your gift card to buy the most wonderful thing to organize my closet! etc"

    We really didn't want gifts, but since there was no avoiding it we had to have some sort of answer for people who wanted to give. I'd imagine this couple could be in a similar situation.

    "Thank you so much... It was great to have you at the wedding... We used your gift to get dinner at an amazing restaurant while on our honeymoon...etc"

    And the "pay for what the bride and groom spent on you for the reception" is a bogus wives tale. Give whatever you feel comfortable with.
  • neo200120018
    neo200120018 Posts: 106 Member
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    Thanks everyone for your comments!!, yeah i except they'll send out awesome thank you notes, got an amazing one when I gave them a baby gift, all personalised with a photo that's still on my fridge after a year!
  • marycmeadows
    marycmeadows Posts: 1,691 Member
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    I can't believe all these 'rules'! I've never heard anyone say " i can't believe so and so only gave us this much, and we spent this much on her food at our wedding!" that's insane! First off, the food/'amenities' they have at the wedding are their choice. no one should ever plan a wedding for their guests, you plan a wedding for yourself, it's your day! (speaking as someone who is in the middle of planning my wedding). Secondly I think whatever you give is perfectly fine. Be it $25 or $200. Give what you can, what you feel comfortable giving. 2 months down the road they aren't going to remember who gave what, they'll remember WHO was there to share their special day. My fiance and I have lived together for over a year, we will be registering, but there's not that much we 'need' per se, so any amount of cash one wants to give is perfectly fine.
  • bettacheckyoself
    bettacheckyoself Posts: 570
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    Use the date of the wedding, a friend of mines dad did that for ours.

    Example , if the wedding is January 26th it would be $126.13

    I hope your wedding was on December 31st ... :bigsmile:
  • bettacheckyoself
    bettacheckyoself Posts: 570
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    On top of my cash gift, I also like to do something a little special, especially I am very close to them. I like to be creative so I bring a digital camera to the wedding and I take a ton of pics of the event and of them of course, even if they have a photographer (I don't get in their way )...everyone loves seeing pictures! Before I leave the wedding I pop out the memory card from the camera and I place it in the envelope with the card & cash.

    I am not saying you have to do this, I just wanted to share what I do.

    Have fun at the wedding !

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