Advice? Friends w/ the boss & self discovery. Warning long

hollyyoung71

I need a bit of advice but first a little bit of background. In the past year, I have become one of the managers of my husbands family business. My husband runs our other office. We are a busy doctors office. We help patients and everyone helps in the front office also... i.e Pulling charts, refiling charts, typing and doing mailouts. It has been a HUGE adjustment for me since I have never had a managerial position before. Some things I have discovered about myself is that I am a micro manager and tend to get a little bossy and rude when I tell people what they need to be doing. I have discovered this because not only has the moral changed since I started this position but a couple of the employees have told me so. I am also the type of person who can take criticism and look within myself and try to change. I do not wan to be this type of boss or person in general and I am trying very hard to change it. Of course I know this does not happen over night but I am learning.

Not here is the problem. Right after I got this promotion of sorts, we hired a couple of new employees. Even though I knew I should have kept my distance I became friends with one of these people. We can call her Sue. My husband kept warning me that I have to keep my relationship with Sue to a minimum and be careful what I say to her. She does not need to know to much of our business. I have done this to a point. I have told her a few things regarding the office and other employees that I probably should not have. I am starting to really regret this now. I have learned this past year that Sue has a very big mouth and tends to be a gossip between both offices. She has told me some really personal things about other employees that they did not want me to know. She has also told me some personal things about her own life that she probably should not have. Things that could get her boyfriend in very big trouble if she told the wrong person. I have learned that Sue is basically the mouth of the south.

I really no longer want to be friends with this person. I invited her to a huge weekend concert in March and now I am wishing I had not. I can not fire her because she is a great worker. She has expressed that she doesn't like the way I treat other employees and that she was not happy at work. She also told me that she was hired as a LPN and she didn't think she would be doing "secretarial" work also. She has expressed that she would like to make more money. She has also said that she wants to go back to school so she can get an RN job at a hospital but has to wait a year so she wont pay out of state tuition prices. I am wishing she would just quit but I am not sure that is going to happen any time soon.
I am afraid if I piss her off she is going to start a lot of **** with me and tell other people what I told her in confidence. HUGE MISTAKE on my part.. STUPID STUPID STUPID. I just do not know what to do.

_DaniD_

I would change your profile pic before it gets reported, no nude shots allowed.

hollyyoung71

Ok.. last post made me smile!

SWiel84

There is nothing you CAN do, just remember to keep your mouth closed in the future and to keep your distance with employees. Bringing it up or trying to "do" something will only make whatever you said seem more important and gossip-worthy. Just slowly cut the ties that you have with her and, in the future, be more careful.

VanessaGS

Just find nice ways to ease out of the friendship. Somehow mention a new rule that gossip is not tolerated and people can get fired for it. This tends to happen alot in small offices. That's why I got my office to hire one of my good friends so we get along and gossip just fine.

olsondre

Lesson learned unfortunately; workplace gossip is a no no. Not much else you can do at this point

hollyyoung71

I wish there was a way to un-invite her to the concert and take someone I really want to take instead! Ugggg... three days of being fake.

neon7girl

Oh that poor cat.

Ok..onto Miss unstable. Document document document - all that is in inappropriate that she is doing and give verbal warning. Hopefully there is written policies, if not..get that done. I worked in Dr. office, I was an LPN that did go back to school. She's bored with what she is doing. But, I think it's time you took her aside and told her, "as your boss' I need to tell you..and lay it out - work related items only.. And at that point, it can be said that you need to keep a professional and a personal life separate and distinct, you hope she understands, and ask if she is still going to the concert or you can say you think it may be better if didn't go together...your call. I did things with my office manager that annoyed other girls in office, but she in turn would do other things with them. Jealousy is not pretty, but petty. Lesson learned. Move on and distance yourself.

Mama_Jag

You can un-invite her. Tell her what you told us - the relationship has gotten to the point where it is inappropriate professionally, and apologize for letting it get to that point. Tell her you have to make other plans for the concert because of this. Thank her for the friendship she did give you, and wish her the best personally.

Unless you are planning on disciplining the bad behavior, I would not bring it up at this point. Leave it where she will be least likely to go on an attack of any sort.

Best of luck!

PhearlessPhreaks

When I first opened a restaurant with my parents, I made the same mistake of becoming friends with one of my servers. Although it wasn't my first managerial experience, it was much more authority and responsibility than I had ever had in this business, and in my experience, it's difficult not to form friendships with those you work with- we spend so much time with them, it's somewhat inevitable, but mangement is held to a different standard.

What I ended up doing is distancing myself from my employee, explaining that when we were in this building, I am not your friend, I am your manager; I expect no more or less from them as I do any other employee. After the conversation, I had to make a concerted effort to be impartial and fair, which wasnt easy, because that employee felt they were now being crapped on. It did take a bit of time, and thankfully she was mature enough to not let it affect her job performance (she was my best server, and the one who I was grooming to be my "mini" me in a pinch).

The best advice I can give is to sit down with this person, admit your mistake, explain what you have to do, and then do it.

Best of Luck to you.

hollyyoung71

Thanks... Hubby said that once you invite her, you can not really un-invite her without repercussions. Arggg...