Truth Sandwich: I'm Tired of Being Fat...

ClvrScrnName

My name is Nikki. I'm a 29 year old mother of 4, ages 11 to 7 mths. I've always been really heavy, since childhood. Having had 4 c-sections, primarily staying at home caring for my children the entirety of my adult life (save for occasional bouts of work or school outside of the home),attending college classes primarily online vs. on campus(I'm an Elementary Ed./Special Ed. double major) genetics and, well, laziness (I said it, a fat person blaming their obesity on laziness and a lack a motivation! Accountability, who knew?! No glandular excuses, here...)have led me to become increasingly more obese over the last 10 years or so.

I currently weigh in at 306 lbs. Almost 2 years ago I lost roughly 50 lbs by just not eating. I was going through a divorce, dating for the first time in years and had focus on things outside of the safe little shell of my home to maintain my motivation. So, as of August 2011 I was down to 290 lbs from close to 350 lbs. Not long after I got pregnant (my poor decision making skills and lack of discretion coupled with impulse control issues lord and govern a great deal of my life. Hence; getting pregnant at the tail end of a divorce by a guy I'd been dating 2 mths- we are still together and madly in love so, rash though it may have been, that one worked out. My impulsive actions and lack of forethought ARE the primary contributing factors to my obesity, though.) Even in light of the pregnancy I maintained the same weight, give or take.

Of course I wanted to lose more. The pregnancy and subsequent breastfeeding that followed rather curtailed my attempts and, to be honest, gave me an excuse not to proceed. Within the last 2 months a couple of events or "goings on" have provoked me to rethink my physique, my health and my thought processes in regard to food. Just before the holidays I had a terrible infection for which I had to take antibiotics. I couldn't nurse my son during that time and since his preference for formula over breastmilk has nearly ended my time breast feeding him. There's one excuse out the window. The holidays happened, and, yeah. Food galore. Justified, "It's only Christmas once a year" food. Lastly, I consider this to be the primary culprit, during this time I started smoking Marijuana with my boyfriend on a regular basis. I know, how classy and responsible is that? Point is, when I smoke, any and all discretion in regard to food is lost.

So, I stepped on a scale a week or so ago and had gained 20 lbs in 2 mths time. 20 lbs after having lost 60 lbs and then maintaining the weight loss for well over a year. My knees hurt, so badly that I can't sleep at times. I get winded easily. I'm so very tired of scanning a room, a store, a restaurant, sizing myself up (no pun intended) by comparison to other females in the room. I want to have more energy. I want to wear cute clothes. I want to not feel as though my boyfriend could do so much better than me. I want to look and the mirror and like what I see. Bottom line. I know that I have a little to work with (Cursed to forever hear, "But you have SUCH a pretty face") and with weight loss not only could I feel better but I would LOOK so much better, too.

So, I'm not sure where this will lead. I am NOT going to gym. It's impractical with 4 kids and, well, I don't feel like jiggling and panting and sweating in front of strangers. Maybe at the tail end of my weight loss journey but, not yet. Walking, maybe, yes. In a suburban, soccer mom world I could throw my 7 mth old in a cute jogging stroller and head to the park. I, on the other hand, live on a dirt road in rural Georgia with no outlets or facilities like that available. I can throw him in my regular, every day stroller and hit the dirt road, fighting off mosquitoes even in January and if I have the dedication to weight loss that I should, that's exactly what I will do.

I'm thinking I'll be purchasing Wii Fit Plus, soon. I know some may be skeptical and find me naive in believing that working out with a Wii, alone, will do the job but, at my size and as lazy as I am, ANY movement is better than sitting on my butt watching Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

After numerous attempts at this and much research I think I'm starting, today, a 3 day water fast. After that I'm going to try to do a 2 week liquid diet then slowly work myself up to a healthy, minimalistic, mostly vegetarian diet. I know that the fasting and liquid diets aren't meant for longevity. I simply want to jump start my body, reducing calories, cleansing away the crap that's in there. With me, I need that crazy, crash diet weight loss at the beginning to keep me motivated. I need to see some quick results or I lose heart. If I can gain 20 lbs in the months then, by god, I can lost that much in 2 mths.

In closing, I intend to touch base here, often, if for nothing more than to gripe about being hungry or sore from some half hearted attempt at working out.

minsch

You can do it....if I can....anyone can. I am the definition of lazy! Where in GA are you....those skeeters should have froze last night!

ClvrScrnName

Southeast. It got cold here but I don't think it froze. We had the windows open earlier in the week and mosquitoes invaded every evening. Thanks for the words of support

drumerley

I actually think Wii Fit is a good start just to get you moving and motivating.
You can also try NFL Training camp. It's fun and is a step up, particularly that it is more active and moves faster in between the exercises. It also comes with motion sensors which are also HRM's - one for your arm and one for your leg. So it tracks calories burned as well as time and there are different programs you can do. I don't know how accurate the HRM is, but again, it's motivated and rewarding.

Good luck on your journey!

marieyoung07

first of all congrats on your first weight loss
please dont get down on yourself
I live basically the same life
I have housewife the past 4 years with my youngest
I have left the house w/out him one time !!!
I gained all my weight in GET THIS one year!!!!
I came out of remission And on came the weight!!!
I went from 160 to 200 in less than 4 months!!!
But my eating habits hadnt changed
I hope you have good luck with WII FIT
I cannot use that so My docs ordered something else
anyway you are beautiful you are loved you are worth it
best of luck:flowerforyou:

ObiRenKenobi

I absolutely love, love, love your honesty! Totally sending you a friend request

otrlynn

You sound like you are ready to stop making excuses--a very good thing! A couple of thoughts: in my opinion, I think that you would be much better immediately starting a healthy, balanced diet, eating the kind of food that you can eat for the rest of your life. Focus on fruits, vegetable, healthy grains, and lean protein. Unless you want to go mostly vegetarian for moral reasons, there is nothing wrong with keeping lean meat in your diet. Start a food diary here and enter measured amounts of food daily--if you get the "munchies" from smoking, enter the calories so that you are holding yourself accountable.

Clean any junk food out of the house if you can. No one in your house needs it. Your kids can learn what it means to eat healthy by watching you. A stroller on a dirt road doesn't sound like fun. Are you strong enough to carry your youngest in a backpack carrier? Our kids both loved this mode of transportation. Lastly, there are tons of exercise DVDs out there as well as free exercise videos on YouTube. Just find something that is for people who are at the beginning of their exercise journey so that you don't hurt yourself and/or become discouraged

You can do this. I don't think anyone will tell you that it is easy, but you can do it if you just take one day at a time. They will add up.

ClvrScrnName

Thanks for all of the words of encouragement and excellent advice. I'm glad I signed up...I can definitely use the pick me up of others' shared experiences and all of the "You can do it"s!

darkfitandlovely

Great story...congrats on your decision to make a change. I like the ideal about the Wii fit. I also like X-Box Kinect, but if you don't have a gaming device Leslie Sansone's walk away the pounds might be a great way to start. You can find her DVD series at walmart or target for about $10 each. It's low impact, but I think it's a great workout for beginners. Lastly, I have found the support on MFP to be amazing! Add lots of supportive people, and take it one day at a time. You can do this : )

ImmaZombie

ClvrScrnName, definitely get the Wii. Buy the Just Dance games and play them at home. You will work up a sweat. I bought the zumba game too but it's hard.. the first few minutes I punked out and quit and put in my Just Dance game lol But I intend to go tomorrow morning to my first actual zumba class to try it out. I rented a Leslie Sansone dvd to workout with on amazon instant, and it's ok but the music is 80's type music so I prefer the Just Dance games. Anyway -- good luck girl and get that wii.

missigeswein

It has taken me MANY years to realize that it REALLY is about food/portion control. If you're going to be working out but don't change your eating habits (and even if you do change them a little bit but not enough), you're going to get frustrated because you won't see results fast enough. I've even trained for a marathon (without really changing my eating habits) and didn't lose weight. And, I only burned 3500 calories jogging that WHOLE 26.2 miles...that's only equivalent to one pound (just trying to show how hard it is to actually burn off a pound but how easy it is to consume one). I had a child one year ago, and 11 days ago weighed about 20 pounds heavier than the weight that my body would never go under (what I previously called my 'normal' weight). I decided I was ready to make that change for myself. I want to be able to run around with my little girl, play with her on the floor if she wants me to. I don't have alot of time to exercise right now because I can't devote an hour or more to working out a day (I know it's not about working out that much in one day, but I feel like if I don't, it's not worth it). I work 10 hour days 4 days a week and go to school full time. I cut salads for lunch almost daily and cook dinner if I'm not in school (talk about time-consuming), and I have lots of homework (one more semester)! I WISH I had more time to work out but I just don't. So I knew that I had to change my eating habits (I always have time to eat). I have lost ten pounds by limiting my calories to 1200/day which is the lowest you should go without your body going into starvation mode (I don't think it does if you fast for just a few days, but I'm no expert). If I really want something high-calorie, I cut other things out of my day. If I have a piece of fruit, I eat some small side of protein to make my body feel "not hungry" longer. I used to eat to feel full, now I know that's NOT what it's about; I now eat to avoid feeling hungry. If I don't ever get that starving feeling, life is good. I don't like the way I feel when I gorge on a meal, all bloated and gross. I never feel crappy when I'm eating just enough to keep that hunger away. It's all about small meals. Really keeping track of what I eat, really eating the serving size that I'm supposed to (and if not, at least keeping track of what I really ate not what I was supposed to). I think I'm finally figuring it out! And, guess what? If I do find the time to exercise and burn more calories, I get to eat more during the day! That's just a bonus. Anyway, I know you can do it because I can too. I just know that everybody has to do it for themselves when THEY are ready. You can't make someone join in on your journey because it's YOURS. You've got this.

akaMrsmojo

I'm thinking I'll be purchasing Wii Fit Plus, soon. I know some may be skeptical and find me naive in believing that working out with a Wii, alone, will do the job but, at my size and as lazy as I am, ANY movement is better than sitting on my butt watching Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

I use WII, I have Gold's Gym and Just Dance. I use both of those daily and it works.

Welcome and good luck.

daxazo

Working out with the Wii is great! I've been playing Just Dance for at least 25 minutes every day. It's so much fun, especially when you start learning the dances. I'd like to get a Wii Fit someday

WhoIsAmber

Hi there ^_^

Congrats on being honest with yourself and us as well.

The Wii is a great way to kick start your weight loss, it's where I started off. If you can find a cheap copy of a game called "Walk It Out" it's a walk-in-place type game where you march to the beat of the music. If you can't find a cheap copy, the Walk Away The Pounds DVD's are great, I used those too!

Some people here will probably tell you not to do the water fast, but I strongly believe in doing them every once in a while. I always feel so much better afterwards. It might be hard doing the liquid fast directly after the water fast, but if you have the willpower to do it, don't let anyone drag you down for it. But at any time you start to feel very weak, you might want to break your fast, for the sake of taking care of your children.

Personally, I'm vegetarian (have been for 9-ish years), for moral and health reasons (heart disease runs very strongly on both sides of my family). A lot of people give me flack for "not getting enough protein" but the average American consumes way more protein than the body actually uses for anything, unless they are a professional athlete or bodybuilder who works out A LOT. If you decide to stick with vegetarianism long-term, prepare yourself for hearing a lot of BS about protein requirements.

Nicki_101

You have taken the first major step. Admitting to yourself that you need to do this for you. Congrats! Now you have the will to succeed. I know the fear of going to a gym and have also done my own home workout. I have two dumbells, a few five and ten pound plates and just interchange as need be. I also invested in an elliptical trainer. That was 3 years and 70 pounds ago. This summer was the first time I went running outside....AND LOVED IT! You will get there, give it time and be patient with yourself. You didn't gain all this weigh overnight, and shouldn't expect to lose 100 pounds in a few months. Do this the right way (eating healthy and exercising) and you'll be that hot mama before you know it! Good luck.