Repercussions of long term caloric restriction

KintsugiCurlyQueen

Firstly, I understand that MFP is not a site that specialises in eating disorders, nor is it a replacement for professional help (which I'm already getting). It IS, however, a 'safe place' for me and I believe that a lot of members probably have similar stories to share.

I am completely at my wits end. Very early into my recovery for anorexia, I took to binge eating on a VERY regular basis. Masses of fatty, sugary foods....I want to punch myself just thinking about what I've done/what I do. I thought it would phase out as my weight went rapidly from 79lbs to 109lbs - but it never did. I am now struggling to gain any kind of control and it's driving me to the edge.

The only way I can describe myself is as an anorexic in a binge-eating body. I am psychologically still in the early stages of coping with the former ED but my body is pushing its way well into the latter. How do I regain control before it's too late?

I have joined a gym in hope that it will be the distraction I need. I've been aware of triggers since the very beginning but I'm a weak, pathetic fat *kitten* who makes the same mistakes over and over again. I'll start the day out with the best intentions but can ruin the whole day from as early as 10am. This is getting too much now. I was miles happier at my lowest weight.

RobinC37

*HUGS*

Similar, but opposite for me. I struggled with bulimia in high school and college, and am a little worried that MFP is enabling me to become anorexic. I stress about everything I eat, log it immediately, and still feel guilty every time I eat. This is slowly getting better as I learn what portions are. At the start I was so worried about using all my calories up too early, so I would wind up with a huge surplus at bedtime. I guess I'm trying to get over my fear of food and fat. It's good that you're getting counseling for this. I can't afford that right now, so I am trying to make a conscientious effort to make adult logic override the high school fear and out of control feeling. The last time I purged was almost a year ago, so I have hope, and as soon as I am completely confident in my eating habits, I will stop recording calories to remove the focus. It's a struggle but we can make it healthfully together!

auroranflash

Very important - you need to stop insulting yourself. Any time I hear someone say something negative about themselves "stupid fat *kitten*" "dumb" "worthless" etc., I stop them and tell them not to, and it's not true. I've had to learn to identify when I'm giving in to that inner bully - she can be a real jerk and say things I would never tolerate hearing another person say to myself or someone else, but somehow it's okay for me? No, it's not.

So, try to learn to recognize when you're doing it, stop yourself, and revise the statement. Confront it and say "No, I'M not stupid, or a fatass, I'm having an issue with _____ and this is how I feel, but here is what I'm going to try to do about it". It takes a while but you need to train yourself off of that because you will never get any joy out of criticizing or tearing yourself down. You need to be going the opposite direction to find some mental peace, which is really what being 'healthy' is all about. Remove the negativity and replace it with logic and realism. Things are much easier to deal with in that context. Don't give in to the bully. Tell her to STFU.

You are still in limbo, things haven't quite settled yet, but I guarantee your body is much happier at the higher weight and your hormones will balance, given time, which will help with the mental and emotional parts as well. This is a process and you have to take it day by day. The past is the past... so you binged yesterday. So what? Today is a new day and none of that old stuff even matters. You have the gift of the present, and what you choose to do with each new situation and decision is entirely under your control and up to you.

Do things that make yourself proud and feel good, like going for walks or setting short-term goals and achieving them. Keep track of the good things you're working toward instead of carrying that bucket of all the things you've done wrong. Mark your progress. Be proud. Gain confidence. And keep moving forward.

You're an intelligent, capable woman and I know you will come out on top. Love you, sweets.

KintsugiCurlyQueen

*HUGS*

Similar, but opposite for me. I struggled with bulimia in high school and college, and am a little worried that MFP is enabling me to become anorexic. I stress about everything I eat, log it immediately, and still feel guilty every time I eat. This is slowly getting better as I learn what portions are. At the start I was so worried about using all my calories up too early, so I would wind up with a huge surplus at bedtime. I guess I'm trying to get over my fear of food and fat. It's good that you're getting counseling for this. I can't afford that right now, so I am trying to make a conscientious effort to make adult logic override the high school fear and out of control feeling. The last time I purged was almost a year ago, so I have hope, and as soon as I am completely confident in my eating habits, I will stop recording calories to remove the focus. It's a struggle but we can make it healthfully together!

*hugs back atcha!*<3
Thanks for the support, doll. And congratulations on a purge-free year! Let's do this - it won't be easy but it'll be worth it

KintsugiCurlyQueen

Very important - you need to stop insulting yourself. Any time I hear someone say something negative about themselves "stupid fat *kitten*" "dumb" "worthless" etc., I stop them and tell them not to, and it's not true. I've had to learn to identify when I'm giving in to that inner bully - she can be a real jerk and say things I would never tolerate hearing another person say to myself or someone else, but somehow it's okay for me? No, it's not.

So, try to learn to recognize when you're doing it, stop yourself, and revise the statement. Confront it and say "No, I'M not stupid, or a fatass, I'm having an issue with _____ and this is how I feel, but here is what I'm going to try to do about it". It takes a while but you need to train yourself off of that because you will never get any joy out of criticizing or tearing yourself down. You need to be going the opposite direction to find some mental peace, which is really what being 'healthy' is all about. Remove the negativity and replace it with logic and realism. Things are much easier to deal with in that context. Don't give in to the bully. Tell her to STFU.

You are still in limbo, things haven't quite settled yet, but I guarantee your body is much happier at the higher weight and your hormones will balance, given time, which will help with the mental and emotional parts as well. This is a process and you have to take it day by day. The past is the past... so you binged yesterday. So what? Today is a new day and none of that old stuff even matters. You have the gift of the present, and what you choose to do with each new situation and decision is entirely under your control and up to you.

Do things that make yourself proud and feel good, like going for walks or setting short-term goals and achieving them. Keep track of the good things you're working toward instead of carrying that bucket of all the things you've done wrong. Mark your progress. Be proud. Gain confidence. And keep moving forward.

You're an intelligent, capable woman and I know you will come out on top. Love you, sweets.

An' I do love you, Auriepoo. You're the bomb. Help me kick *kitten* tomorrow!