When your spouse is not on board...

binknbaby

I'm fairly new to this journey, though it's more of a revisiting rather than a first-time-weight-loss. I've lost large amounts before (lost 60, then gained 20 with kids, then lost 30 with major dietary change, then gained 15 with laziness/not caring...), so me watching what I eat is nothing new to DH. But he likes to eat on his days off, and likes to enjoy it with me--eating out, having ice cream, etc. And while I don't think one ice cream a week or one fast food meal a week will totally screw me up, I also feel like in this beginning stage, I need to have it be "all-or-nothing" just to break the habits and addictions.

Admittedly, I haven't sat down to have a formal discussion with him about it, but I think I need to find a middle ground and to find a compromise we can make, so that we can both be happy with it. He certainly would benefit from a change in diet, and I think it would really help ME to not have "his" junk food in the house. Some of it is easier to say no to than others, but some things we keep in the house for "his" use, I wind up eating because... it's there...

And I know someone will come back with IIFYM, but I really just want to break my bad habits and add in the treats later on, when I'm not *craving* them, and when I've built up my will-power. My personal belief regarding food is that the quality of food is much more important than the caloric count, but caloric count is a good indicator of quality... if that makes sense... and I actually joined not strictly for the calorie counting but for the awareness and accountability.

Anyways, he actually prefers me a little "thicker", so me losing weight is not something that is necessarily positive for him. It's not negative, either, but he's just not fully supportive--he's more just neutral and "Whatever you want to do, but I'm not doing it with you." I'm not looking to be a size 2, but I just want to be healthy and stop all the ups and downs (which is why I don't have a huge weight loss goal, though I could stand to lose a little more if I really wanted to).

All that said, how do YOU talk with your spouse when they are not on board with your weight-loss journey? How do you stay successful with an unsupportive spouse?

weestinger

i learned a while ago when talking to your spouse about something that is bothering you or upsetting you.. 3 words not to use....you ...never...and why..those 3 words will put anyone on the defensive when your talking to them. just focus on you say how you feel, say how it makes you feel.. and use the I word throught your talk. it will usually keep the conversation open and focused on what is important to you...hope this helps

phyllio77

Before you speak with you husband about your feelings I suggest write down exactally what you can do to improve the situation and try to gain his support or at least his understanding of your wishes to alter current habits.

I found doing a weekly menu for meals helped with cravings and also on the grocery shopping. I was less inclined to buy all grab and go food. My fiancee very quickly got used to ordering me water with lemon over pop and did not suggest particular restaurants that only cooked deep fried foods.

Fingers crossed for you and your journey.

kimosabe1

This time make it a lifestyle change! You know the calories u need and now u know what to eat to lose weight.

Heyyleigh

I am very independent so my thoughts are I dont care what he wants, likes or thinks. This is for me when I started and it is for me in the end. He hates my weightloss, used to be quite voicetrous about it, now he is kindof used to it. He has leared to joke a bit. Especially when he keeps at me and I strike back and tell him he is overweight, (well I am not so nice about it) but I dont want u to think I am a total bitcX. Funny thing is, when anyone comes over or I havent seen in a while he tells everyone how I went from a size 14 to a 4, so to me he is proud, just wont say it.

We go out all the time and I am able to either eat or not or choose something healthy. Yesterday we went to Mcdonalds and he got 2 daily doubles and a large coke, I got a large water. I dont eat there, and he knows not to say anything. There are some restaurants I wont go- say Mexican. But for the most part its ok. I was like you, all or nothing in the beginning, now I can be more relaxed. I walk alot- 10-12 miles a day, he plays his video games or watches tv. He is always welcome to go if its outside (mostly treadmill ) but he declines. Cooking is a bit more tricky, I do often have to cook for me, and the family-or modify what I do cook. It all works out if you want it.

I'd tell him how you feel- sure u have and keep it moving. Ultimately this is your life and your health, just make the most of it.

XDiet_SlayerX

Hello there.
I have a similar story to tell you and how I solved it.
I use to weigh 300lbs a few years ago and I was living with my parents at the time. My mother and step-father would constantly have sweets in the house along with other unhealthy foods. The main thing that kept me motivated was having a friend who would constantly help me strive to eat healthier and workout with him. I then got into the habit of telling my parents that my lifestyle is a healthier one and I will only be eating "certain" foods to accommodate my new life. They didn't like it at first because they did not like change nor were they use to me eating so healthy. Well they finally got use to it and these days in my adult life I will go out with them sometimes to eat when we have a family gathering and they are use to me ordering salads and anything in the healthy category of all things.
I would talk to your hubby and say that this is extremely important to you for inner peace. You want to do this for yourself to make you feel happier about yourself. If anything, he should understand.