When to lend a helping hand?

alimac1972

husband scenerio--he's doing well with his diet and excercise, but he gets excited initially and then lets it gradually work it's way to the back burner. As I notice some of the change, slipping over his calories, not making good choices, etc. I'm thinking--'that no matter what, silent or arguing, I will not be of any help if I try and get involved to much with concern about his choices'. I love him and letting it "be" is usually not my way, and so he and I are struggling a little. I want the best things to say, and I am being very careful with support issues. I really want him to succeed this time, but watching his elevated sugar on days when.........is very difficult. We argued a little tonight and it lead to him going to excercise, but we both went to bed very quietly. Walking a fine line of encouragement or discipline, and trying to keep the lines of communication open so that we both will succeed and be healthy together, has all of a sudden(after 3 months of myfitnesspal) become difficult.

alimac1972

husband scenerio--he's doing well with his diet and excercise, but he gets excited initially and then lets it gradually work it's way to the back burner. As I notice some of the change, slipping over his calories, not making good choices, etc. I'm thinking--'that no matter what, silent or arguing, I will not be of any help if I try and get involved to much with concern about his choices'. I love him and letting it "be" is usually not my way, and so he and I are struggling a little. I want the best things to say, and I am being very careful with support issues. I really want him to succeed this time, but watching his elevated sugar on days when.........is very difficult. We argued a little tonight and it lead to him going to excercise, but we both went to bed very quietly. Walking a fine line of encouragement or discipline, and trying to keep the lines of communication open so that we both will succeed and be healthy together, has all of a sudden(after 3 months of myfitnesspal) become difficult.

Helawat

Always keep in mind that men do not like to be criticized, hounded, or nagged at by their women. Even when we as women give suggestions and unwanted advice to men they perceive it as being nagged at.

After you two cool off, sit down with him and just lay it on the line. Remember: a man can only be changed when they're babies so don't expect miracles.

Remind your husband that you want what's best for him. Communicate your desire to see him the best he can be and that you're re tired of constantly reminding him to stay on track with his diet and exercise. Let him know this talk will be the only and final discussion about his diet and express how you feel when you see him slip off the wagon.

Say something along the lines of "every time I see you skip your exercise routine or eat KFC, it breaks my heart because you indulge in tenacity in all aspects of your life, except this. I know you can do it."

The next time he takes a huge bite out of chocolate or ice cream, or whatever he eats, give him your signature look of disappointment and walk away. If he doesn't continue diet and exercise for you, and if he doesn't want to do it for himself, then he won't stay with the program.

Good Luck!

banks1850

Being of the male side of the issue, I see it from both sides. My wife has been keeping tabs on her calories and exercising for as long as I have known her, and I am a relative newcommer to the scene (only doing so for about 7 months). So I understand where you are comming from and where he is. One thing I can tell you is that no matter what you say to him or do for him, this is a personal choice. Until his commitment is there, until he makes the choice, no argument, silence, or suggestion is going to make a bit of difference in the long run. Ultimately, for a lot of men, it comes down to the defining moment. That time when he has his epiphany where he realizes, "Wow, I'm fat!" I did, and that was all it took. Offer up encouragement when it happens, and be there for him, but you can't force him, it will just push you guys further apart. IMHO though, it would be ok to tell him this stuff, as long as your sincere about it and make sure he knows that you're willing to wait until that time comes. Sometimes all someone needs to know is that you will be there for them and it can push them over the edge.

Best of luck!