Faking it.....

jbuffan218

Please bear with me today .
I just need an place that I can vent, where no one knows me.
Pretty sad really, when I dont feel I can talk to the people in my life and can only turn to an an anonymous message board.
Other than my fiance' I really dont want my family or friends to know my business.

I just received some very distressing financial news in the mail yesterday and am reeling in shock.
This is old crap from over 2 years ago when I still owned my restaurant.
News that I THOUGHT my attorney had dealt with when I sold and walked away with little more than my sanity.

Well......not so much!
Everything has progressed to a level I never thought I'd see.
My stress level has reached an all time high, and I am besides myself with worry.

Anyway , today of all days I have to go to a birthday party of a friend I have known for 40 years, yes I am that old. She is turning 50 today and she has been my best friend on & off since we were 10 years old. Any other day would be fine, but today I just dont have it in me to fake it.
To smile and nod and oooh & ahhh over her newly re-modeled house, to gush over her granite countertops and new stainless steel appliances, to listen to my other best friend talk about the cruise she is going on in may booking the v.i.p suite with balcony, getting private cooking lessons from the chef. I know envy is a sin people so I also have to deal with the quilt I feel for that. I know.

All I really want today is an afternoon in my bed, watching a what not to wear marathon , followed by house hunters and the deadliest catch, a cheese pizza with ranch and about a case of diet coke. Yes, I know thats bad for me, no nutrional value blah ,blah ,blah. But when your in this kind of mood , whole wheat and boca burgers just dont cut it. Yeah, I'm a stress eater! Didn't I mention that?

BUT , I am not going to . I already talked myself out of , then back into exercising today. Burned 503 caloires and going to the dang birthday party. I'm not a hero, I just have no choice.

I feel like a real sh..t to be cranky in the light of my friends good news. I need God to work in my life today, I have a feeling he will be putting in some overtime.
I am so worried about my own financial disaster that I cant see beyond it to celebrate for my friends.

Thanks for listening and those of you that pray, I would appreciate you putting in a good word with the big guy for me.
Beth
I think I'm gonna need it.

AnneElise

putting in prayers for you... we are always here for you.

kas1021

i'm sorry youre going through such a difficult time! sometimes we all just have to try our best to fake it a little. try not to dwell on the negative, it will eventually consume you. you have to try to find a silver lining. yes, yes,i know. how cliche. but it is true.
but youre on the right track! youve made up your mind that youre not going to let it totally ruin everything. put good in get good out
I hope things get better for you really soon!

maurierose

Prayers on my end - at least you're recognizing and accepting that this IS the way you're feeling, and not giving in to the TLC marathon and pizza..... exercising was a great choice, and my bet is that you won't regret going today, and that you'll be proud of yourself for having the class to step up even when you didn't feel like it inside.

Hang in there - sometimes it's hard to be happy with and for someone else when you feel like those same successes in their lives are caving in on your own..... things will improve, and you will appreciate them even more than someone who hasn't been at the same lowpoints. Besides, no matter how well you know someone, sometimes their own inner struggles trump your own and you'd never know it.

You have class, you have character, and I'm proud of you for keeping your chin up and doing the "right" thing.

:flowerforyou:

BrendaLee

Beth, don't be too hard on yourself. You're struggling, and you're pretty much going it alone. It's one of the hardest things in the world to be on the bottom rung while your friends are nearing the top of the ladder...I've been there, and it WAS hard to fake it. Most people would feel the way you feel, so I don't think there's too much need to feel guilty about perfectly natural feelings.

Try to have a good time at the party. You need it, and deserve it.

♥dawnwestbury♥

i am sorry you are having a stressfull day!! money is NOT good when you dont have enough!! i know what you mean about venting to strangers, sometimes its better.

i'm so glad you didnt give in to the stressfull eating (i'm one too) you would have felt worse. GOOD for you on the working out and buring up those cals!!! thats hard to do when you are pi**ed off!! I KNOW!! when i'm pissed at my EX (who is a F'ing jerk) i just want to eat and eat and eat CRAP!!

maybe you can just tell people you have a headache or something if you arent wanting to tell them whats really going on, that way they will understand your not so happy mood (?)

i hope you start to feel better soon and i hope things start to turn around for you!!

mamacassi

I love TLC!
You know, sometimes I think our sanity is more important than a party, when you need to take it easy.

poustotah

I don't think heorism is in the perception that others have of us. I think heorism is defined by our actions in the face of adversity. Anyone trying, and succeeding at losing weight - even 1 pound - is heroic because they took a step that someone else couldn't or didn't take.

mmrose00

Sorry to hear about what's going on in your life right now, as cliche as it may sound EVERYTHING in life happens for a reason..There is something for you to get out of this situation, and believe that it will be grand!!

Glad you made it to workout and are heading to your friend b-day party I'm sure it will help you feel better. Sometimes we have to force ourselves to do what we must to get our true blessings in life.. Who knows you may end up having a Fab time!! :flowerforyou:

kiffypooh

We all have those days, weeks and months. We all have those friends and we've all been those friends. You are not alone and I'm glad you shared with us! You are a strong woman and you will make it though!!! You are in my thoughts!!!
I'm so proud of you and jealous that you didn't cave, get your pizza and snuggle in bed, I probably would have! :flowerforyou:

JennCh

While I'm not in financial trouble now, I used to be. Boy do I know too well the stress it brings on. I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this, but I have faith that you will find your way out. It may take some time, unfortunately, but in the end, you'll be surprised at how much stronger you are because of it. I wish you peace.

SammiAnne11

I am so sorry. Sometimes it takes alot to put on the happy face and go....but I am proud of you for exercising, and trying to work through it.
Will keep you in my thoughts honey!