Is there power (real or perceived) in drama and gossiping?

AlsDonkBoxSquat

There is a woman in my life who has a tendency to sabotage her relationships, primarily with family. It’s my mother, and she brings up the most inappropriate topics at the most inappropriate times and forces people into uncomfortable situations because the “thinks we should all get along” when we just don’t, but she has a little bit of a sense of entitlement when it comes to the feelings of others. I love her, I love her dearly and speak to her several times a week and we are still close despite the 400 miles between us. However, my sister lives right down the road and my mom is forever trying their relationship by divulging the mistakes that my sister made as a teenager to people in my sister’s life while my sister is a professional woman. When there is tension in the family she thinks that everyone should still be forced together and that everyone should just get over it because she’s not mad.
My sister and I both live in a drama free zone. We don’t gossip, we take issues and analyze them and then face them head on either by fighting it out or talking it out. We respect that it takes time for things to resolve, but that they really do need to be resolved.
This is a long way to come to my opinion poll. What do you think is the drawing power of drama? Do you think that people who are drawn toward drama and gossip find power in it? Do you think this a passive aggressive way to try to control their surroundings? Do you think it’s simply a matter of self sabotage? Do you think it’s something else all together?

sunsnstatheart

In my experience, its attention seeking. People that create drama also like to be at the center of attention. At least it comes off that way.

Beastette

Definitely think it's a means of control. Not in the usual negative sense, because control over our environment is something all humans seek.

dirtnap63

I hate drama. I have found that most people who create drama in their lives are compensating for something else missing, usually confidence and self esteem. it's a way to make them feel important and garner attention. I used to be alot more intolerant of it ( I have a brother like this) but as I've gotten older I just see it more for what it is - a cry for attention. Maybe it helps that my brother is 600 kms away and we don't see each other that often. I'm not sure I would be quite so accepting of it if I had to deal with it all the time. As far as others go, I usually try to distance myself from others who are like this. Life is too short and I don't have the energy to deal with made up crap.

AlongCame_Molly

There is a woman in my life who has a tendency to sabotage her relationships, primarily with family. It’s my mother, and she brings up the most inappropriate topics at the most inappropriate times and forces people into uncomfortable situations because the “thinks we should all get along” when we just don’t, but she has a little bit of a sense of entitlement when it comes to the feelings of others. I love her, I love her dearly and speak to her several times a week and we are still close despite the 400 miles between us. However, my sister lives right down the road and my mom is forever trying their relationship by divulging the mistakes that my sister made as a teenager to people in my sister’s life while my sister is a professional woman. When there is tension in the family she thinks that everyone should still be forced together and that everyone should just get over it because she’s not mad.
My sister and I both live in a drama free zone. We don’t gossip, we take issues and analyze them and then face them head on either by fighting it out or talking it out. We respect that it takes time for things to resolve, but that they really do need to be resolved.
This is a long way to come to my opinion poll. What do you think is the drawing power of drama? Do you think that people who are drawn toward drama and gossip find power in it? Do you think this a passive aggressive way to try to control their surroundings? Do you think it’s simply a matter of self sabotage? Do you think it’s something else all together?

My MIL is the exact same way. She and her family are very poor, they have always been poor, and my husband was raised poor too. She also has no "filter" when it comes to when/where/to whom she should divulge certain information.

My mom brought up an interesting point one day when I was venting all this to her. She said that because she lives in a grungy little house with very little money, has never had nice things, drives a beater car, and basically never gets to go/do the things she would like, she uses drama and gossip as "currency". She may not have nice clothes on, but she can feel better about herself to others by telling them all a juicy tidbit that nobody else knows. It was light a light bulb went o ff in my head when I heard that, and the way she behaves makes so much more sense, now, even if it doesn't completely excuse the behavior.

I'm not saying this is why your mom does it too, but it's a possibility. Unfortunately I'm still working on how to address it with tact., so I can't help you out on what to actually do about i t.

deksgrl

I don't know your Mom obviously, but this can be one symptom of co-dependency. If so, then it is about control, but she may not even realize it.

dmpizza

I didn't know I had a sister.

We call what my mother does "scab picking". Any qualified statement is picked apart until she finds some emotion you didn't want to discuss.