Do we marry within our socio-economic class?
ctalimenti
Posts: 865 Member
in Chit-Chat
I have a pretty strong belief that girls marry guys like their fathers. Maybe boys marry girls like their mothers. But I have a stronger belief and have even observed how we stay pretty much within our socio-economic class. I've seen it over and over.
Facebook is interesting in that regard. As we get older, we can see how life plays itself out. I had a classmate who's father was a surgeon. All 3 kids went to upper tier schools. The daughters married a surgeon and a dentist. The son became a surgeon.
What have you observed?
Facebook is interesting in that regard. As we get older, we can see how life plays itself out. I had a classmate who's father was a surgeon. All 3 kids went to upper tier schools. The daughters married a surgeon and a dentist. The son became a surgeon.
What have you observed?
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Replies
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Makes sense to me. I'm more likely to meet someone of my own class, than someone above or below it, and I'd probably prefer someone of at least my socio-economic status, as we've had similar upbringings and so there isn't a huge disconnect there. Someone who lived or lives in a lower or higher socio-economic status may have a vastly different outlook on finances and other things, and that might be a problem (most marital problems stem from finances, I've heard).0
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I love my dad, he's great and often like a buddy as well as a role model. I married a guy that is nothing like my father and we're now seperated. We came from roughly the same backgrounds, though I don't think that would be a factor unless you're in it for the wrong reasons.0
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winners gravitate towards winners and vice versa.0
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We marry who we meet in life. Same schools, same friends, same careers. I'm more likely to have contact with someone who does the same things I do. It's just the way of the world.0
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There is a lot of research on movement among social classes. And in spite of our being a supposedly upwardly mobile society, it is rare for a person to change social classes. Sometimes through education, more rarely through marriage because people mostly marry within their class.0
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I think a struggle in my marriage is the difference in class.
I grew up poor, but my dad did the best he could. My husband didn't have a silver platter, but he was a little more well-off.
I can use a screwdriver to fix 750,000 things (because I made do with what I had) whereas he needs 200 expensive tools to do a job. (eyeroll).
Well, maybe that example is a man vs. woman debate...but nontheless. In my experience, we appreciate things in life differently.0 -
Well, I never had a father or anyone close to it, so should I want to marry someone like my mother?
Anyhow, my boyfriend is almost in the same class as I am. I would consider myself upper middle class, and him
and his family to be middle class if not lower middle class.
We met in our Catholic High School where uniforms were worn. Therefore, I didn't know of his class before I met his family
and everything.
It didn't change how I felt about him. We're both pursuing higher education, so in the future our economic status
should be the same.0 -
Certainly not always the case. My hubby makes 6 figures but I grew up in poor rural MS. I was working as a retail manager when I met him on a plane headed for New Orleans. We found other things in common, strong family values, a love of food, conservative political and financial views, similar sense of humor, and strong work ethic.0
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You marry who you love or all fails.
We aren't in a caste system and I find the notion that we might be, revolting.0 -
Values are what matters. And that is NOT always a product of socio-econoic status.Certainly not always the case. My hubby makes 6 figures but I grew up in poor rural MS. I was working as a retail manager when I met him on a plane headed for New Orleans. We found other things in common, strong family values, a love of food, conservative political and financial views, similar sense of humor, and strong work ethic.
You have it right.0 -
You marry who you love or all fails.
We aren't in a caste system and I find the notion that we might be, revolting.
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winners gravitate towards winners and vice versa.
I TOTALLY AGREE!!0 -
No. I grew up in a middle class family, my man makes 1/2million/yr, he didn't grow up in the same type of environment I did (lower class); but now that he's grown up, he's in the top percentile, social class doesn't affect our relationship. If someone is getting married to someone because of their social status, then they really need to re-evaluate their relationship with that person. social class and love aren't the same thing; socioeconomic class should never come into the equation when love is involved.0
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You marry who you love or all fails.
We aren't in a caste system and I find the notion that we might be, revolting.
This.
My family lived under the poverty line until I was 13. I now make three times more money than my mother and I'm only 22. Because I went out and changed myself for the better and that resulted in changing class levels. My bf I met because we were in the same place at the same time. I have never once thought about class restrictions or anyhting with him. I lvoe him, forget the rest.0 -
Statistically and historically, yes. We also usually die in the social class we were born in - or if there was movement up, usually no more than one or two status's upward. Inner city kids have a harder time obtaining good educations, good jobs, and good advances to catch up to their traditionally upper-class counterparts. Doesn't mean it can't be done - but it requires a combo of work AND lucky breaks.
That sort of thing.
Eh, I'm poor white trash. I know this. Doesn't bother me anymore.0 -
My fiance is a captain, soon to be major, in the Air Force with four degrees...I only have a pharmacy technician degree from a technical college. (Now I'm working on a bachelor's for Health Care Administration.)
He makes a lot more money than I ever have, a lot more than my parents combined ever have, but we both grew up poor. He was very determined to move up the ranks in life and in the military. I was determined too, but I married early to an unambitious jerk who wasted 7 years of my life.
I appreciate my fiance for his heart and his humor. If he made less money than he does now, I would still love him the same.0 -
i don't think that we do so by conscious choice. i think that we're more likely to MEET ppl in our own socio-economic class. more likely to have things in common. more likely to have the same values.
sure there are ppl the world over who prove that wrong, but not the majority.
Barbara Walters told a story about her mother, when Barbara was late teens, early 20s, her mom looked at her and said "never marry for money. spend time with only the rich and marry for love" and i think that there's a lot to that. if you want to marry someone who is above your current s/e placement, you have to go where they are and make sure you fit in.0 -
Certainly not always the case. My hubby makes 6 figures but I grew up in poor rural MS. I was working as a retail manager when I met him on a plane headed for New Orleans. We found other things in common, strong family values, a love of food, conservative political and financial views, similar sense of humor, and strong work ethic.
I agree with this... I was an enlisted officers daughter... made pittance for the most part... Mom didn't work... but mom pushed me to get an education... my husband came from a much better economic class than I did... he went to a much better college than I did (though mine wasn't shabby for the degree program I was in)... my husband will always make more money than I will... We met at a Christian Campground that I had gone to and then worked at for years... Something clicked and now we are married...0 -
heck, i'm an artist. i knew i'd be poor going into this. i had no illusions of "hitting it big". and it takes someone else who has had that realization and is willing to live with it, to live with someone like me.
i'd never be with a rich person for that reason. unless i met a rich person who had a fetish for awkward artists. then i'd hop on that **** and ride it to the good life.
yeah
not going to happen.0 -
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I think we're more likely to interact within our socio-economic groups and thereby marry within them. My parents were both born here, but children of immigrants to this country, both raised their way to middle class through education, hard work and maybe some lucky breaks, but many lucky breaks they worked themselves toward.
My wife was born here, but to parents that had only been in this country for about a year, neither had any formal education. They stressed education, working hard at school. For me, less stress on it, but significant expectation of a college degree.
My wife and I had different routes to education, but neither much values it other than a way to how it allows us to do a job we love and make a livable wage. We're both teachers. For her, it was a socio-economic rise, for me, pretty much where my parents are. But our connection is not the socio-economic as much as shared interests, values and experiences that our similar socio-economics led us to and a chance for exposure.
On a side note, I most definitely did not marry my mother, BUT I may have married a sexy beautiful version of my sister/best friend. (YIKES!)0 -
I think statistically we marry/couple with someone of similar educational level. The actual job or amount of money is less important. In fact, opposite talents are probably a good thing. For example, a doctor could marry a teacher, but both will have PhD in their respective careers. At that level, the decision may be conscious. For most of us, it just happens that way. My husband and I fall into the "some college" category and are both entrepreneurs in very different industries.0
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I have a pretty strong belief that girls marry guys like their fathers. Maybe boys marry girls like their mothers. But I have a stronger belief and have even observed how we stay pretty much within our socio-economic class. I've seen it over and over.
Facebook is interesting in that regard. As we get older, we can see how life plays itself out. I had a classmate who's father was a surgeon. All 3 kids went to upper tier schools. The daughters married a surgeon and a dentist. The son became a surgeon.
What have you observed?
My sister... yes.... Me... Not so much. I am good luck chuck anyway. So I am sure I get kudos for helping other chicks find the love of their life.0 -
I think there's truth to it, at least in the ways that people approach money. Boyfriend is pretty middle class. My parents made six figures but lived very well below their means so it's more like I'm lower middle class. I would be intimidated if I were to date someone much richer and maybe they would always be worried I was really just a gold digger.
It's kind of like looks. People tend to be with others that are about as attractive as they are. There's exceptions, but not a lot. Except looks is superficial while managing money is not. Someone that has always been on a shoestring budget is going to have a hard time getting along with someone who is used to spending money like it's water.0 -
This is good. Thanks! I am still reading...0 -
Maybe if you had a good father, or if you had a bad father, but have low self esteem.0
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I believe you are wrong.0
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I grew up very poor. I do alright now. Make s me wonder what my socio-economic class would be considered. I still hang with friend in the trailer park, but spend time at some pretty high end mixers.
Weird.0 -
winners gravitate towards winners and vice versa.
I TOTALLY AGREE!!
Agree. I'm the youngest of 7, my wife the youngest of 10. Each of the 17 came friom the same socio-economic class, yet each married differently (and what I mean here is that some married big losers). So winners attract and are attracted to winners.0 -
I like to think I married up. Me and the wife used to make the same. Economy and layoffs happen, and now she makes 2.5 more than I. But she said it best. We loved each oher when we were broke. We can love each other even though I make more than you. True story. My ego took a shot for a while, but well, life is good. Money isn't always everything.0
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