Trying to motivate a real life friend

acogg

This is dangerous territory, trying to mix MFP advice with a real life friend that I am trying to get motivated. My friend's name is Jim and he needs to lose 200 pounds. He is dear to me, but I am afraid he is killing himself. The last weight loss he had was a diet shake thing with motivation meetings once a week, closest meeting was over an hour away each way, so I know with the right motivation, he will do it. He stuck with that crash diet until he got to his goal. Then he went back to his old ways and gained it all back. He tends to be emotional and is single. He likes sports, he likes drinking with his sports and he likes living big. He has recently started Atkins, but he doesn't seem committed. When I check in with him, he tells me he read the book and the diet is going great! Then I hear that he is at the bar, doing Jello shots. I have tried to get him on this site, I have tried to explain that Atkins only works if he is strict, one slip will get him out of ketosis, etc. I am discouraged from trying to be encouraging. My friend is about 6'5'' and does walk, though he is developing knee problems and I can see him limping. The weight on his heart is most worrisome. He is 56, soon to be 57.

RekindledRose

Sometimes our eating issues are deeper than just health. It could be the same with him. It may even be a form of depression management; he gets depressed so he eats and drinks. He might be afraid to 'live' so he 'lives large', if you know what I mean.

You can't force someone to be healthy no matter how much you care about them. You can't convince them to stop smoking, stop sleeping around, stop drinking, stop driving fast with no seat belt on... it's something that has to come from himself. Keep encouraging your friend, but know that he might begin to resent you or consider your encouragement 'nagging'.

Hopefully he won't need a heart attack to wake him up. I'll be praying for your friend. It's good he has someone in his life that truly cares enough to tell him when he's doing something wrong to himself. Most people would just say nothing.

Best wishes to you.