Sugary/unhealthy foods during celebrations....

PikaKnight

If it's not wrong to opt out of birthday cake because you're lactose intolerant, and it's not wrong to opt out of dinner wine because you're a recovering alcoholic, I see no reason that it could be wrong to opt out of birthday cake because you find it addictive and want to stay away for your own health.
Anyone who would think less of you for making healthy choices is not someone whose opinion you should care about.

I agree. I have had fat friends say to me, "Oh, come on---just one little piece of cake won't hurt you." To me it sounds like a drunk saying to a reformed alcoholic, "Oh come on--just one little drink won't hurt you."

Well, for those that find it a trigger to binge - then definitely stay away for awhile until you learn control. But for anyone else that is able to eat it in moderation..then go ahead, I say.

I am an overeater - but I've overeaten on grapes, veggies, fruits, and salads too. Doesn't make it any better. I've had to learn self-control, moderation for any food, and portion controls. Now I'm more confident that I can have a small piece of cake and not end up eating the whole thing..lol.

I've also had to learn to not be scared to eat or scared of food. Makes me sigh when I realize that I had such an "all or nothing" attitude...no wonder I failed so many times!

SanteMulberry

Here at the office, we celebrate birthdays once a month (for everyone who had a birthday during the month). When I first began my journey to a better exercise and nutrition plan, I would skip out on eating a slice (I would be there to show support as we sang happy birthday).

Now that I'm at or near my goal weight, if I feel like having a small slice, I'll do so (200-400 calories). I know that one slice per month wont blow up my nutrition plan. The key is to use it as a rare treat and not every day. Some like to have a treat as part of their "cheat meal" and I say to each their own. Do whatever works for you.

I advise that if you feel like having a rare treat and you stay under your calorie goal, then it's okay to do so. When I began my journey, I knew I was not going to live the rest of my life without ever eating something sweet or gooey (I love Rudy's pudding). If you feel that having a treat may return you to your bad habits, then you have to abstain until your healthy food habits are formed.

A lot of people here say that they can have the occasional sugary indulgence--glad for them. I find that I cannot---it just makes me hungry and craving. If I go ahead and eat it, I'm miserable.

sunsnstatheart

Um. Why wouldn't you eat the cake? The cake isn't going to suddenly put on 5 pounds. Celebrate life's moments, otherwise its all just one long boring walk to the grave.

Words to live by.
And let's not even get started on what merits "healthy" or "unhealthy food" here... :can of worms:

It is really not *necessary* to eat to celebrate. I think it's very telling of the unhealthy mindset that everyone here equates eating with celebrating. It is entirely possible to celebrate without eating anything at all.
As for what is healthy and unhealthy, there may well be grey area, but you have to be pretty deluded to come up with any system that lets you put birthday cake under 'healthy'. Doesn't mean you can't have it. Sure, there would be different ideas as to what level of unhealthy. but surely everyone has the sense to recognise that it simply isn't 'healthy'.

Unhealthy mindset? One piece of cake? Seriously?

bridgelene

Yes, which is why I don't avoid them. Celebrations are the things that make life worth living, and you will take my slice of birthday cake when you pry it from my cold, dead, happy hands.

Same here

firstsip

To consolidate what people have said here:

OP, if you didn't want the cake, that's fine. You can explain to people if it seems like they're pressuring you, but don't worry about feeling douchey or not feeling douchey. Ultimately, what you ate is your business.

However, feeling regret because you wanted it, or are "too afraid" of its sugar and "unhealthiness" is borderline orthorexic. It is okay to eat food like that every once in awhile. There's many that will say, "NO. EVEN ONE SLICE OF CAKE IS BAD BECAUSE OF A. B. AND C." If you wanted the small slice, have the small slice. As others have said, work it into your day, and your body is still good to go.

The issue I'd hone in on is you saying, "I'm worried I would be unable to quit eating." Do you feel like you have issues controlling your food? That might be something to talk to a professional about. Otherwise, I'd say, 1. The cake was at a party... not at your place. If it's not in the house, it's much more difficult to backslide into having it, so don't buy it or take any "leftovers" home. 2. It looks like you've lost a good amount of weight. Congratulations on your loss! It might surprise you to have a bite and be perfectly content with just a bite or small slice. Often, our tastes and appetites acclimate very quickly to what we've been eating, so you might be surprised at HOW sugary it tastes (maybe now a turn off), or realize that it doesn't taste AS good as you thought. Keep in mind, I am by no means discounting that cake tastes awesome, but often after you've made long strides in changing your diet, things that were once much more frequent can quickly fall by the wayside.

And even though now there will be the inevitable, "Excuse you, going off sugar can result in withdrawal symptoms" or "I have a food addiction/ED/etc. etc.," no, offering a piece of cake to someone on a diet is NOT the same as offering a drink to a recovering alcoholic. Alcohol is a drug with very real, very dangerous issues of withdrawal, relapse, etc. You DO need food to live, regardless of its quality, and it has tens of thousands of years of being a communal ritual for homo sapiens.

Alissakae

Um. Why wouldn't you eat the cake? The cake isn't going to suddenly put on 5 pounds. Celebrate life's moments, otherwise its all just one long boring walk to the grave.

Love this!

SanteMulberry

"...offering a piece of cake to someone on a diet is NOT the same as offering a drink to a recovering alcoholic. Alcohol is a drug with very real, very dangerous issues of withdrawal, relapse, etc. You DO need food to live, regardless of its quality..."

Only thing is, sugar is not a real food and you do not need IT to live. I have not had any for two years and I am much healthier for it--don't even WANT it anymore. Sugar and alcohol are metabolized in ways similar to alcohol. I have known recovering alcoholics who decline fruit juice as they feel that the concentrated fructose makes them want a drink. So no thank you, I will NEVER willingly have any. If it diminishes other peoples' enjoyment, that is their problem (and their health), not mine.

PikaKnight

"...offering a piece of cake to someone on a diet is NOT the same as offering a drink to a recovering alcoholic. Alcohol is a drug with very real, very dangerous issues of withdrawal, relapse, etc. You DO need food to live, regardless of its quality..."

Only thing is, sugar is not a real food and you do not need IT to live. I have not had any for two years and I am much healthier for it--don't even WANT it anymore. Sugar and alcohol are metabolized in ways similar to alcohol. I have known recovering alcoholics who decline fruit juice as they feel that the concentrated fructose makes them want a drink. So no thank you, I will NEVER willingly have any. If it diminishes other peoples' enjoyment, that is their problem (and their health), not mine.

Each their own OP..whatever you do..enjoy life. It's far too short to be full of don'ts and can'ts. You are doing great in your goals and just know that *IF* you do decide to eat a piece of cake, that it isn't going to deter you from success :flowerforyou:

kairisika

Um. Why wouldn't you eat the cake? The cake isn't going to suddenly put on 5 pounds. Celebrate life's moments, otherwise its all just one long boring walk to the grave.

Words to live by.
And let's not even get started on what merits "healthy" or "unhealthy food" here... :can of worms:

It is really not *necessary* to eat to celebrate. I think it's very telling of the unhealthy mindset that everyone here equates eating with celebrating. It is entirely possible to celebrate without eating anything at all.
As for what is healthy and unhealthy, there may well be grey area, but you have to be pretty deluded to come up with any system that lets you put birthday cake under 'healthy'. Doesn't mean you can't have it. Sure, there would be different ideas as to what level of unhealthy. but surely everyone has the sense to recognise that it simply isn't 'healthy'.

Unhealthy mindset? One piece of cake? Seriously?

Poor reading comprehension.
As I stated multiple times above, I see nothing wrong with eating one piece of cake if you want it.
The unhealthy mindset is not the idea that you can have one piece of cake. That's moderation.
The unhealthy mindset is that if you turn down the cake, you're turning down the whole celebration. The unhealthy mindset is the idea that you need to eat cake in order to have fun, and that choosing not to eat cake is a life of miserable deprivation.
I support the ability to have a piece of cake if you want it, but in this thread, I'm standing up for the ability to choose not to have a piece of cake without being socially pressured.

kairisika

If it's not wrong to opt out of birthday cake because you're lactose intolerant, and it's not wrong to opt out of dinner wine because you're a recovering alcoholic, I see no reason that it could be wrong to opt out of birthday cake because you find it addictive and want to stay away for your own health.
Anyone who would think less of you for making healthy choices is not someone whose opinion you should care about.

I agree. I have had fat friends say to me, "Oh, come on---just one little piece of cake won't hurt you." To me it sounds like a drunk saying to a reformed alcoholic, "Oh come on--just one little drink won't hurt you."

YES!
To most people, one piece of cake won't hurt. But for some, it will. And for others, even if it won't hurt, they're making a reasonable decision not to have it.

SanteMulberry

Um. Why wouldn't you eat the cake? The cake isn't going to suddenly put on 5 pounds. Celebrate life's moments, otherwise its all just one long boring walk to the grave.

If one needs cake to avoid boredom that is a problem bigger than the possibility of offending a hostess. Eating out of boredom is, at least partially, what got many of us having to be on fat loss programs to begin with. But *shrug* to each his or her own. What others put into their bodies, is their business---what I refrain from putting into my body, is mine.

lambchoplewis

I have a terrible time at festivities. I look forward to them and try to eat just the healthy things, drink only one glass of wine. However, if I eat the cake etc., I will end up binging when I get home. I have been known to eat 5 Zone protein bars after a full meal as I can "sneak" these and I think my hubby doesn't know. Then, I sleep like crap, feel terrible and take two days to feel like a human. I do get right back on track but it takes 4-5 days to get back to weight and energy before binge. I do this about once/month and wish could have a bit of something without all or nothing.

firstsip

"...offering a piece of cake to someone on a diet is NOT the same as offering a drink to a recovering alcoholic. Alcohol is a drug with very real, very dangerous issues of withdrawal, relapse, etc. You DO need food to live, regardless of its quality..."

Only thing is, sugar is not a real food and you do not need IT to live. I have not had any for two years and I am much healthier for it--don't even WANT it anymore. Sugar and alcohol are metabolized in ways similar to alcohol. I have known recovering alcoholics who decline fruit juice as they feel that the concentrated fructose makes them want a drink. So no thank you, I will NEVER willingly have any. If it diminishes other peoples' enjoyment, that is their problem (and their health), not mine.

The only person I've ever seen say that is... Mercola.

If you don't like eating sugar and enjoy your body without it, that's fine! However, it's a fallacy to say it's the same as alcohol. It's not (by the way, alcohol and sugars ARE found naturally in your body, regardless of what you eat) actually metabolized the same was as alcohol. If a recovering alcoholic declines it, that's their prerogative, and also an anecdotal piece of evidence (particularly as the first thing that came to my mind was the prevalence of mixed drinks using fruit juices; perhaps they, or you, are misinterpreting their reluctance, but then that's just an observation).

kairisika

The issue I'd hone in on is you saying, "I'm worried I would be unable to quit eating." Do you feel like you have issues controlling your food? That might be something to talk to a professional about. Otherwise, I'd say, 1. The cake was at a party... not at your place. If it's not in the house, it's much more difficult to backslide into having it, so don't buy it or take any "leftovers" home. 2. It looks like you've lost a good amount of weight. Congratulations on your loss! It might surprise you to have a bite and be perfectly content with just a bite or small slice. Often, our tastes and appetites acclimate very quickly to what we've been eating, so you might be surprised at HOW sugary it tastes (maybe now a turn off), or realize that it doesn't taste AS good as you thought. Keep in mind, I am by no means discounting that cake tastes awesome, but often after you've made long strides in changing your diet, things that were once much more frequent can quickly fall by the wayside.

As someone else has already said, you do need food, but you don't need processed sugar.
And it affects people in different ways. Some people do have trouble controlling it. The OP seems to have clearly stated that there's an issue with controlling food intake, and has thus chosen to not eat sweets, at least for the time being.
That's a pretty decent solution that doesn't necessarily need a professional on top of it.
the problem for the OP is that so many other people (as evidenced in this thread) have a problem with a person choosing to not eat cake, whether for fear of control, or the choice to stick with healthier food, or anything else. The problem for the OP is that people won't butt out.

firstsip

Um. Why wouldn't you eat the cake? The cake isn't going to suddenly put on 5 pounds. Celebrate life's moments, otherwise its all just one long boring walk to the grave.

If one needs cake to avoid boredom that is a problem bigger than the possibility of offending a hostess. Eating out of boredom is, at least partially, what got many of us having to be on fat loss programs to begin with. But *shrug* to each his or her own. What others put into their bodies, is their business---what I refrain from putting into my body, is mine.

... That's not at all what he was saying. He was saying limiting things you enjoy makes life a boring walk to a grave. Not that eating is to stem boredom...

firstsip

The issue I'd hone in on is you saying, "I'm worried I would be unable to quit eating." Do you feel like you have issues controlling your food? That might be something to talk to a professional about. Otherwise, I'd say, 1. The cake was at a party... not at your place. If it's not in the house, it's much more difficult to backslide into having it, so don't buy it or take any "leftovers" home. 2. It looks like you've lost a good amount of weight. Congratulations on your loss! It might surprise you to have a bite and be perfectly content with just a bite or small slice. Often, our tastes and appetites acclimate very quickly to what we've been eating, so you might be surprised at HOW sugary it tastes (maybe now a turn off), or realize that it doesn't taste AS good as you thought. Keep in mind, I am by no means discounting that cake tastes awesome, but often after you've made long strides in changing your diet, things that were once much more frequent can quickly fall by the wayside.

As someone else has already said, you do need food, but you don't need processed sugar.
And it affects people in different ways. Some people do have trouble controlling it. The OP seems to have clearly stated that there's an issue with controlling food intake, and has thus chosen to not eat sweets, at least for the time being.
That's a pretty decent solution that doesn't necessarily need a professional on top of it.
the problem for the OP is that so many other people (as evidenced in this thread) have a problem with a person choosing to not eat cake, whether for fear of control, or the choice to stick with healthier food, or anything else. The problem for the OP is that people won't butt out.

I've actually talked to OP in PM, so I'm not so concerned with your interpretation. And nowhere did I say you need PROCESSED sugar to live, I said you need FOOD to live, so any sort of "food + addiction" issue is moot for anyone outside of someone with an ED. She also wasn't very clear with controlling intake, hence my followup questions of what exactly she meant by "I'm worried that..."

Oh well, OP. Thanks for your pm, and good luck in your endeavors which have been successful so far.

kairisika

And even though now there will be the inevitable, "Excuse you, going off sugar can result in withdrawal symptoms" or "I have a food addiction/ED/etc. etc.," no, offering a piece of cake to someone on a diet is NOT the same as offering a drink to a recovering alcoholic. Alcohol is a drug with very real, very dangerous issues of withdrawal, relapse, etc. You DO need food to live, regardless of its quality, and it has tens of thousands of years of being a communal ritual for homo sapiens.

There's nothing wrong with offering a piece of cake to someone on a diet.
There *is* something wrong with pressuring a person (whether on a diet or not) to eat a piece of cake, and indicating that they're not partaking in the celebration, or being social, or whatnot if they choose not to eat it.

firstsip

And even though now there will be the inevitable, "Excuse you, going off sugar can result in withdrawal symptoms" or "I have a food addiction/ED/etc. etc.," no, offering a piece of cake to someone on a diet is NOT the same as offering a drink to a recovering alcoholic. Alcohol is a drug with very real, very dangerous issues of withdrawal, relapse, etc. You DO need food to live, regardless of its quality, and it has tens of thousands of years of being a communal ritual for homo sapiens.

There's nothing wrong with offering a piece of cake to someone on a diet.
There *is* something wrong with pressuring a person (whether on a diet or not) to eat a piece of cake, and indicating that they're not partaking in the celebration, or being social, or whatnot if they choose not to eat it.

Absolutely! OP just didn't mention any sort of pressure, and only mentioned "feeling like a douche" when someone on the forums said that.

PikaKnight

And even though now there will be the inevitable, "Excuse you, going off sugar can result in withdrawal symptoms" or "I have a food addiction/ED/etc. etc.," no, offering a piece of cake to someone on a diet is NOT the same as offering a drink to a recovering alcoholic. Alcohol is a drug with very real, very dangerous issues of withdrawal, relapse, etc. You DO need food to live, regardless of its quality, and it has tens of thousands of years of being a communal ritual for homo sapiens.

There's nothing wrong with offering a piece of cake to someone on a diet.
There *is* something wrong with pressuring a person (whether on a diet or not) to eat a piece of cake, and indicating that they're not partaking in the celebration, or being social, or whatnot if they choose not to eat it.

And the OP can just say No. It's not that hard. if they really really want to say no, then people usually get the point and back off. This isn't a big deal, honestly. If they don't want cake, then don't have cake. If they feel confident in their choices and control and choose to have the cake, then that's fine too.

ETA: I can understand the OP's apprehension....like I said in a previous post, I used to be scared to eat and scared of food because of the "all or nothing" attitude I had taken to "dieting". Once I stopped this..I gained a lot of confidence in myself because I realized there was nothing to be scared of, nothing wrong with eating that sugar....and that I am a lot stronger then I ever gave myself credit for.

Yeah, I know, that's a lot to figure out from just being able to know that I can eat what I want..but it is true. Knowing I have that freedom and that ability to really control my intake and keep things in moderation - that was definitely a confidence booster

sunsnstatheart

Um. Why wouldn't you eat the cake? The cake isn't going to suddenly put on 5 pounds. Celebrate life's moments, otherwise its all just one long boring walk to the grave.

If one needs cake to avoid boredom that is a problem bigger than the possibility of offending a hostess. Eating out of boredom is, at least partially, what got many of us having to be on fat loss programs to begin with. But *shrug* to each his or her own. What others put into their bodies, is their business---what I refrain from putting into my body, is mine.

... That's not at all what he was saying. He was saying limiting things you enjoy makes life a boring walk to a grave. Not that eating is to stem boredom...

^^ Awesome as always. What she said. Depriving yourself of treats tends to make life more icky.