What is your favorit joke?

TamiaAZ

A burglar breaks into a house in the ritzier area of town. He's sure that there's nobody home but he sneaks in, doesn't turn on any lights and heads for where he thinks the valuables are kept.

He hears a voice say, "I can see You! Jesus can see you, too!"
He freezes in his tracks! He doesn't move a muscle!

A couple of minutes go by. The voice repeats "I can see you! Jesus can see you, too!"

He slowly takes out his flashlight, switches it on and looks around the room.
He sees a bird cage with a parrot in it. "Did you say that?"
The parrot says again, "I can see you! Jesus can see you, too!"
"Hah! So what?! You're just a parrot!" says the burglar.

"I may be just a parrot", replies the parrot. "But Jesus is a Doberman!":)

TamiaAZ

favorite****

monaghme

ok, not my favorite but I just heard it recently, I'm paraphrasing because I have a bad memory!

A rich business man decided to make a huge life change and bought an animal farm. Soon after, it rained for days on end and a poor little newly hatched chick got stuck in an awful mud hole. The animals all tried to help so the sheep thought he was smartest so he ran and got the farmer's Porsche and a length of rope, throwing the rope to the chick and driving the Porsche in reverse, he pulled the little chick out to safety. A few days later another chick got stuck in the mud….this time the horse ran over first and crouched down over the puddle allowing the chick to grab onto his fully extended male part and brought it to safety.

The moral of the story, you don't need a fancy car to pick up chicks when you're hung like a horse!

thatfitgaal

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Interrupting cow

Interrupting cow wh - MOOO





Haha psyche, it isn't really but I still laugh

TheRoadDog

This was my favorite joke that my gay brother used to tell. It was only funny because of the way he told it. The lisp, body language and attitude. Hilarious.

Two gays walk into a bar and sit down in a booth, The first guy says: "Wait here. I'll go get us two drinks."

He approaches the bartender and says: "Excuse me, Mr. Bartender, May I please have two gins?"

The Bartender, who doesn't like gays, says : "Listen buddy. There are 3 kinds of gin. Oxygen, Hydrogen and Nitrogen. Besides, we don't serve gays, so beat it."

So the dejected man walks back to the booth, crying, and tells his friend what just happened.

The second guy stands up and says, "Don't worry about it. I will get us two drinks."

He sashays up to the bar and says, "Excuse me, Mr. Bartender, May I please have two gins?"

The Bartender, says : "Listen buddy. Like I told your buddy. There are 3 kinds of gin. Oxygen, Hydrogen and Nitrogen.We don't serve your kind here, so beat it."

The second fellow walks back to the booth, whispers to his friend and they both get up and walk to the door.

When they get to the front door, The first guy turns back to the bartender and says: "Yoo hoo! Mr. Bartender! There are three kinds of turds. Mustard, Custard and you, Poo Poo Head. Run! Cecil! Run!"

Maribel_1986

Did you hear about the fellow that was talking to his buddy, when he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants. So, I'm stumped." His buddy said, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled!" So the first fella did just that. The next day his buddy asked, "Well, did you take my suggestion? How did it turn out?" "She loved it. She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the mouth, and ran out the door yelling, 'I'll see you in two hours'."