I went to my first OVER EATERS ANONYMOUS meeting

LarStar

After spending the afternoon overwhelmed with emotion, feeling defeated, and like a complete failure, I knew I had to try OA.

I have tried diets, doctors, online logging, workout plans & personal trainers, nutritionists, and eating disorder doctors, but I know that I need in person contact with other people who are struggling to hold me accountable. Every one of those things I tried, brought me a step closer to healing, so joining OA is another step on my healign journey, even though it hasn't felt that way lately. OA asks you to start a healthy eating plan that you decide for yourself or with a nutritionist. My plan is MFP logging, still allowing all foods as long as I remain in the MFP green and my daily goals because I know for me, my binge eating disorder comes on full force when I deny foods.

My first meeting was ok- I've been to AA meetings before with my partner and prefer their format, energy, and humour. It seems like a much more lively group of people who are more relaxed, yet structured. This meeting felt a bit stuffy, but I'm going to take what I can get. I found it distracting that you can't mention specific foods by name, but instead talk about them like they are a secret, alluding to their packaging or how they are consumed. The descriptions we heard were much more sensory for me than saying "chocolate" "chips" "icecream"; at times I found myself wondering which foods they were actually talking about, rather than listening to their stories. It became like a puzzle or game It started with the hint: "I put my hand in a bag of something" "It was so chewy in my mouth...I can still taste it. My mouth and jaw would hurt when I was done eating it" and my mind would begin to wander "a bag of something...It was probably chips...doritos? Popcorn? No, she looks like a chips girl. I wish she would say the colour of the bag, that would give me a better chance at figuring out what she is talking about" "It was so chewy in my mouth...My mouth and jaw would hurt when I was done eating it".. "Sour Keys? Laffy Taffy? Did their mouth pucker or was it just tired from chewing? Sour patch kids? Caramels?" After the meeting, I was craving things that I dont even like, jsut from listening to the sensory descriptions. I have to teach myself to block that out. "What are your binge triggers?" Listening people describe food, rather than say their name at OA meetings." I probably wouldn't go back, but I need the help, so this program is going to become part of my life until I decide if it works for me. My first experience wasn't the best and I don't feel saved or even relieved, but I have a package and book to read through, and so far, the book speaks to me on a deep level. Every story will not resonate with me, I'm not really happy or excited to be there yet, but I know that will come. The people are warm and know what it is like to struggle with food, so instead of keeping this locked up to myself from people (with the exception of my partner and MFP members) who can't really relate, I'm going to go for it. Right now my plan is sticking to calorie counting within certain limits for each meal, it may or may not change. I recognize that a big part of my judgement of the meeting is because I'm being defensive and don't want for that to be me, but it is me, and I'm going to do what I can to embrace and heal that part of me.

I'm not into the "GOD IS MY SAVIOUR" attitude, but instead believe that there is a light insight me that can shine brightly and help me to release this, and that light can only be accessed by hard work and determination. I've been logging on here and there for a while, struggling with the knowledge that an in-person support group was the next step for me despite the embarrassment and shame I felt. I'm still pretty tired from all the tears of fear and disappointment in myself that I shed yesterday, but today I am piecing together what I know of the program and am starting my plan. Even though I said earlier that I am not excited about the group, and right now I feel like a pretty big loser for needing to go to meetings, part of me is listening and has hope and the knowing that I am doing something good for myself by building a face-to-face support network around me. I'm looking forward to an attitude change as well, because healing and succeeding feels so great while feeling like I do right now, defeated and lost is total garbage.

Anyway! Thanks for reading One of my goals is to be posting on the "Success Stories" board this year. I don't have a ton of belief in myself right now, so I'll just say "I hope to see you there" as I work towards regaining my confidence.

RosaliaMarie

I went to meetings many years ago. Someone from church had lost 50 pounds so I was impressed. Can't say I remember much of the meetings. At the time nothing (at least as I remember it) was said about any type of weight loss program.

Anyway, I dropped out after 6 months, as I hadn't lost any weight at all. I enjoyed the meetings, but I guess that OA wasn't for me.

Hope it helps you. Losing weight is a challenge, and anything that can help is good.

I'm finding there are so many factors as to why I'm overweight, that just finding one thing that helps can really be a big hassle.

pkw58

You are already a success. I have never been to an OAmeeting, so thanks for sharing!

fresh_start59

Support groups are only as good as the people who attend and run them.

We see that here on MFP. There are some threads/groups with wonderfully supportive people who commiserate with our struggles, forgive us when we fall off the wagon and encourage us to get back on and do even better. There are other threads where people put one another down, talk about how they hate fat people or food Nazis or body builders and it is like standing in the middle of a circle where a bunch of hormonal, bipolar teenagers throw insults at each other.

I have attended a couple Weight Watcher groups. One was large, boring and impersonal. Another was small with an upbeat leader and a couple of very personable attendees. I was bummed when finances forced me to quit.

I also attended one TOPS (Taking Off the Pounds Sensibly) meeting. A friend told me that she loves going, even though she's not hardly lost any weight in the decade or so that I've known her. But I thought I'd give my local group a try. What a mistake! The group consisted of four old gals (keep in mind that I'm in my 50s and very sedentary ... yet these gals were older than my mother and moved less than me!). They weighed in and did a white elephant exchange (knick knacks, candles, fake flowers). I thought it was a one-time thing, but it is apparently something they do once a week or once a month. I truly love being around older people, but there was just something very creepy about this "weight loss" group.

I guess what I'm saying is, if one doesn't work out, try another group and see if it's a better fit.

I have to admit that I've never been to an OA meeting. I considered it, but when I learned about the food abstinence, I knew it was not for me. Granted, I have to abstain from storing excess amounts of certain foods in my home (ice-cream), but if I were to tell myself that I can never ever eat ice-cream, that is the one thing I'd crave every day.

LarStar

Thank you guys so much for your responses

@RosaliaMarie Thank you for your message! From what I have learned, OA isn't about diets or weight loss, but finding a healthy lifestyle free from compulsive eating, so for some, that might mean no weight loss takes place, but that the compulsion to binge or overeat is instead addressed and put into check. I have a feeling I am going to enjoy the program after a while. I'm feeling much better tonight than I did this morning, thanks to getting my junk out there, making healthy choices today, and the wonderful support I have from my partner and MFPers

I agree about it being difficult to find one thing that works. I've been at this "weight loss thing" for most of my life, and it was not until about 5 years ago that I realized it wasn't jsut a weight loss thing, but a mental, emotional, spiritual AND physical journey. I think it is all about coupling what works for you and making a plan for yourself, rather than finding that one thing, which I know you already know with the insightful comment you made. Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to me and for sharing your story

@pkw58 - On good days I feel great about myself. Today turned out to be pretty triumphant, so thank you so much for the reminder. Sometimes I need to be reminded and am always so grateful to the person who straightens me out with a reminder of my worth. Thank you

@fresh_start59 - Thank you for your words of wisdom! I agree about finding a group that works for me and that the groups are only as good as their members. I think that because I was feeling so down on myself (i am feeling much better as I work my way through the day, making healthy food choices and reading the book) I was especially critical and sensitive about the group. It was a speaker meeting, not the usual meeting format where they work through the big book and share personal struggles relating to the chapter of the night, so I am willing to give it another go and keep going once a week unless I decide I totally hate it. My partner is working the AA steps and is rocking it out. I have learned a lot about the program and it is really wonderful and well planned out if the person is willing to commit to it. As for the abstinence, from what I understand from the literature, OA doesn't make you abstain from anything. If you decide to have treats in moderation as art of your eating plan, you can do that. That is what I will be doing because I know that I become obsessive and distracted from my end goal when I deny myself.

It is great to hear about such wonderful groups on MFP. I am still figuring out how groups work, so it is encouraging to know they are out there!

Thank you so much for your wonderful message! If you ever decide to try out an OA meeting and wanting a sounding board, I'd love to hear about your experience!

Thank you again!

tequila09

i really want to go to an over eaters anonymous meeting but i'm scared i would not be accepted because i don't "look" like i have a problem were there all types of people there meaning different shapes and sizes? i am not over weight at all just "skinny fat" but i do have a bingeing problem

XXXMinnieXXX

I used to have a Binge Eating disorder. Like you say it's psychological. I seeked out counselling and then had CBT therapy to try to help my train thought when stressed. Dealing with the reasons you do it is most important. Counselling is essential.

I now do it a handful of times per year, but stop myself much quicker as part way through all I can think is it is, stupid Zara you'll
only feel worse. (CBT) get a good counsellor and put everything into it. When I've done my official Jan weigh in I'll be 85+ down. You can come back from this and it feels great!

Finding a new. Thing that chills, you out is important. I now love exercise and listening to my headphones and all the music I download from Deezer

Commit yourself to being here every single day. I'm at 545 days. Your friends will pull you through. Put a lot into MFP and you'll get a lot back! Be honest on your diary. People can only help if they know your struggling!

Zara.

LarStar

@Tequila09, I was floored by how many "normal" sized people there were. There were about 4-5 of us who were obese, about 5 who were "normal" size, some who had a few extra or a few less lbs, and 3 that were really thin. It was a group of really warm people. It was a bit dreary; lighting, weather; the feeling of "struggle" in the air for some, but it is def worth giving it a try I went to a few online meetings before i gained the confidence to walk through the doors. THe nice think is that the meetings are usually in a church, library room, or private facility, so not everyone knows why you are going there, even though it might feel that way inside. If you want to talk out any concerns about going or need someone to encourage you, please message me any time

@XXXMinnieXXX- THank you for the heads up about CBT - I am going to check it out. Is that Core Belief Therapy? If not, what does it stand for? It sopunds like an awesome program to learn about!

I have a really great therapist. We talk about my eating when that is necessary, but she has helped me move through and away from a lot of really difficult experiences in my life. I think the spiritual & emotional support is essential to healing.

Your advice is really helpful! I bought the ipod 4, so I can log food when I am out of town or dont have internet access. It's really helpful to have MFP wherever I go. Today is my second day in, but I'm feeling excited, encouraged, and ready for the challenge and work.

THank you both so much for your messages

LarStar

And congrats on your incredible success! That's truly amazing!!!

mamax5

Oh, my sensory descriptions would drive me insane!

13tjfrederick

I used to go to OA years ago and found it very helpful. When I joined there was a food plan which I also found to be very helpful, but they have done away with that. It does help to have some sort of plan for eating so you are clear when you are compulsively emotional eating vs. clean eating. We can fool ourselves (justify) the eating very easily. One also has to realize you don't eat ice cream forever, you just don't eat it for today (One day at a Time) like the alcoholics do with the alcohol.

The twelve steps are an incredible way to live life. Bless you on your journey!

newhabit

that would drive me crazy to hear those descriptions! it would be better if they just said the food i think!

monicaandhearts

me too!!!! Im not overweight...but Im a perfectionist.....In my mind is everything or nothing....... If I do one bad meal ..then i binge until I cant stuff anymore food

rickshimmins

I just started on MFP yesterday because of the recommendations of several friends. I decided to give accountability a try for the first time. Previously I would keep an eye on my intake subconsciously. I would lie to myself and say that I hadn't eaten that much. And my results spoke for themselves. Now with this program, I will know the truth about what I am eating.

I am also considering OA, because I have been an overeater for my whole life. Portion size is my biggest weakness. I eat quickly and have overeaten by the time I feel full. My gluttony has always told me that I needed to have the super sized portions because I am a big guy. Also, hunger has never been the motivation to eat for me. Boredom, and depression made me what to eat more that hunger ever did. Taste has always been my motivation for what to eat also. The thought of eating to nourish and fuel my body instead of eating to satisy my appetite is a foreign concept for me.

I am apprehensive to go to OA or TOPS because I'm afraid it will filled with people I wont be able to relate too. Any Suggestions?

KenosFeoh

I only went to one OA meeting a number of years ago, and all they talked about was how sugar is the evilz and how hard it is to quit.

Since I don't think sugar in and of itself is my problem, I didn't go back.

chicken2v

I am apprehensive to go to OA or TOPS because I'm afraid it will filled with people I wont be able to relate too. Any Suggestions?

My biggest rec would be to shop around for the right group for you and to not judge the entire program based on the first meeting you attend. Over the years, I have gone to 4 different TOPS groups--2 of which I would rate as amazing,1 was good and 1 was in a sad way (4 very heavy senior citizens who used it more like a sewing circle than anything else.) I have also been to 3 different OA meetings and similarly would rate them all over the place.

cjsacto

I went to a few OA meetings many years ago, but I don't remember anyone doing the sensory stuff. People talked more about non-food issues, stressful situations, and whether or not they were able to handle them without eating. They'd mention how many days they had abstained from overeating but I don't think they did the food porn thing. I don't think all the meetings operate the same way.

There's a website with OA meetings online. http://www.oa.org/membersgroups/find-a-meeting/
I attended a few in the middle of the night for a while, when I had snack cravings. However, I found them very structured and all discussion had to pertain to a particular step (of the 12 steps) at each meeting.

Note regarding "abstaining": Reading above, a few people said they were concerned about abstaining from favorite foods. I don't think OA says you have to abstain from any particular food, just abstain from overeating or binging.

cindyhanson58

yes. find a new group. that's no the OA standard. It didn't fit for me... the literature is GREAT. well worth anything you purchase. Every group has a different feel to it and things they discuss. I have a hard time with abstinence. but... I will say it has it's plus's. keep on... you're doing great.

KNAMsMum

I went to OA and did have some good success. I was able to go off chocolate and then later refined white sugar. I am still off of chocolate and couldn't go back if I wanted to. It seemed to make me binge. Once I was off the chocolate for 5 months I was then able to cut out all the sweet stuff. I went for about 4 years and then I felt the need to go to Al-Anon for some other family problems.

One thing I learned from going to both these groups is that it is essential to shop around (if you have the choice) for the group that works for you. The structure of these groups can be quite different depending who is in the group. I have found the same thing for counsellors. You have to feel comfortable in order for trust to be built.

All any of us can do is try. I wish you luck. You will get out of it whatever you put into it and it is nice to have other people who understand.

All the best
Sara

nadianja

@Tequila09, I was floored by how many "normal" sized people there were. There were about 4-5 of us who were obese, about 5 who were "normal" size, some who had a few extra or a few less lbs, and 3 that were really thin. It was a group of really warm people. It was a bit dreary; lighting, weather; the feeling of "struggle" in the air for some, but it is def worth giving it a try I went to a few online meetings before i gained the confidence to walk through the doors. THe nice think is that the meetings are usually in a church, library room, or private facility, so not everyone knows why you are going there, even though it might feel that way inside. If you want to talk out any concerns about going or need someone to encourage you, please message me any time

@XXXMinnieXXX- THank you for the heads up about CBT - I am going to check it out. Is that Core Belief Therapy? If not, what does it stand for? It sopunds like an awesome program to learn about!

I have a really great therapist. We talk about my eating when that is necessary, but she has helped me move through and away from a lot of really difficult experiences in my life. I think the spiritual & emotional support is essential to healing.

Your advice is really helpful! I bought the ipod 4, so I can log food when I am out of town or dont have internet access. It's really helpful to have MFP wherever I go. Today is my second day in, but I'm feeling excited, encouraged, and ready for the challenge and work.

THank you both so much for your messages

Just a heads up but CBT stands for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, it basically involve figuring out the way your brain works and your thought process and your therapist will give you strategies to cope with negative thinking, intrusive thoughts etc.... it's definitely worth a shot!

lee91356

Regarding your comment: "I was floored by how many "normal" sized people there were. There were about 4-5 of us who were obese, about 5 who were "normal" size, some who had a few extra or a few less lbs, and 3 that were really thin"

I am not sure if you are aware that OA is open to people with ALL eating disorders, such as binge eating, bulimia, anorexia, compulsive eating, etc. Although those of us that are overweight always tend to think that only we (the ones with the obvious physical sign of this disorder) are effected, the truth is that there are many people that "improperly use food." Think of it as replacing food for alcohol and drugs similar to what happens in AA and NA meetings - it about a the relationship that we have with food and working on changing it, and if we dont, like alcoholics and drug addicts it can control our lives and actions and kill us.

Like you mentioned earlier, the OA basis is seeped in AA methods and theories and even use the AA 12 steps. It is meant as a forum for those with issues with food to have a safe and healthy environment to deal with there issues. Although I am not a part of OA I know several people who are and some have had good success with it. I have gone a few times to meeting and listened and it is true that sometimes you leave a meeting feeling hohum about it and other something resonates.

If this is something that you are really interested in, the advice I always hear from those in the "program" is that you should go to several meeting and find one or a few that you like because each one is different and if you have to force yourself to like it you wont stick to it.

melissa1893

Somewhere in this community, I found the link to www.therecoverygroup.org it is an online OA group that I have found really helpful.