Starting Over in More Ways Than One

RNatalie83

I joined MFP just over a year ago. After the 2011 holiday season I was mortified to see that I had tipped the scale at 191lbs. I joined MFP with the notion that I would dedicate 2012 to turning my life around. This past year turned out to be the hardest year of my entire life and my goal of losing weight and increasing my self esteem dropped away. I started really well. I talked to my doctor, amped up my workouts at the gym, started seeing a nutritionist and logged everything on MFP. I even hired a personal trainer. I lost 14 lbs in 6 weeks! People had just started to notice that I was losing weight when things started to fall apart.

Deep down my reason for wanting to lose weight was based on how I thought my boyfriend perceived me. We had been together for 9 years and all I wanted was to get married. When we first started dating I weighed about 135lbs. My weight gain was gradual throughout our whole relationship. I convinced myself that my weight was the reason he wasn't proposing. He rarely commented on my body, good or bad. I convinced myself that I was doing this for me, not for him, even though deep down I knew I was lying to myself.

My weightloss stalled after a few more weeks. I slowly stopped logging my food and tried to just work out instead. Then my workouts stalled as well. My relationship was slowly breaking down, my job was starting to get more stressful, I had a couple of deaths in my family, then I was in a car accident. When my relationship finally ended before Christmas I became depressed. I didn't sleep, I ate whatever I wanted and stopped working out altogether. I hit an all time low.

I spent the last couple of weeks working through my issues. I am on the mend and trying to figure things out on my own. I am ready to start over and try again. Part of working things through is admitting the real reason I wanted to lose weight in the first place. Now I am doing this for me and only for me.

Sorry for writing a book! I'm really looking forward to putting myself first for once. Losing the weight will be an added bonus along the way!

Baybbee123

Hi Natalie,

Wow you have quite a story. Good for you for being able to begin to work through it all. I'd love to be your friend if you're up for it. Feel free to add me. Good luck to you hun!