For the females out there.I just need some advice.

RoseDarrett

I have been steadily losing the baby weight prior to joining my fitness pal.I have 3 kids.I lost the weight after my second and now with my third I have a few pounds left and everything is going well.I do Insanity and I love it.
My problem is that my sister in law use to make comments about how small I was when I came back from living overseas.My brother and her came over last week.She just had a baby herself,my youngest is four months old and hers is 2 weeks.My last 2 kids were both c sections and I had to wait 3 months each time to be able to work out.
I love working out.It helps me,it clears my head and de stresses me.I won't feel guilty of that,my brother does as well.he loves the gym and is very fit.When they came over my brother was complimenting me about how great I looked and asked if I was doing p90x again(That's how I got toned and fit after second bub)I said no.I'm doing insanity right now.He was very complimentary and said,how much better I look and I'm toned.
I said oh yeah thanks.I still have a few kilos to lose to get back to prebaby weight.My sister in law chimes in and says I only have 10(it's more than 10 btw)I didn't know we were having a race?!!
Before we got pregnant she would take this album out with me in it.I lived overseas and when I came back I was smaller.I'm pretty close to that size now.Her and a mutual friend would look at photos of me and say HOW MUCH SMALLER I WAS THEN.Why am I bigger now?I would say,I weigh less now(Cos I did.)She would be like,NO.This was when you were small and tiny.I was 130 pounds in the photo and when she did that I was 118.
I don't know why she does this.I would always go for walks before we got pregnant and she would ask to join me,I would say yes.I went to boxing and the gym,which I didn't tell her about because she would have something negative to say.She hates working out.She has always been gifted with natural beauty and she has always been tiny.She is very attractive and beautiful.So I don't understand what the problem is.
Another time when she was being passive aggressive was when we went to visit my parents.My mother had jeans that she bought but didn't like,so she offered them to me.She said,oh it will fit you.You're a size 8 right(American4) and I said yes Mum.It would be nice to have new jeans.So she goes to get them and my sister in law says,WHAT?You're not a size 8.I was like,yes I am.
I am so sick of it and it's so horrible because I am not mean and I always support her.She calls me to vent about my brother,her weight whatever it may be and I am there for her.I said to my husband,I wish I was mean like her.He said no.Don't worry about it,Ignore it,she may just be jealous and I don't believe that.She is so pretty and when she isn't pregnant she turns heads!!!
She would tell me that she feels like a ball and she is fat and I would tell her,you just had a baby and you're beautiful.If I told her to start maybe going for walks when the baby is bigger she would just be mean.
Losing weight is hard.That's why I'm on here.I just don't get why she would be like that.What do you guys do when there are family members that do this to you?I love her,she is a great person apart from this.I don't understand it.Maybe other female insight would help.Thanks ladies.

jennifer_417

It really does sound like she is jealous and unhappy with herself. Some of the most physically attractive people are, and they don't know how not to take their insecurities out on others.
You have 2 options: 1.)Talk to her about her behavior, site specific examples and tell her how it makes you feel. 2.) Keep putting up with it. She may not be in a place where she will be able to take what you have to say, so the best thing you can do is put up with it until she can.

RoseDarrett

It really does sound like she is jealous and unhappy with herself. Some of the most physically attractive people are, and they don't know how not to take their insecurities out on others.
You have 2 options: 1.)Talk to her about her behavior, site specific examples and tell her how it makes you feel. 2.) Keep putting up with it. She may not be in a place where she will be able to take what you have to say, so the best thing you can do is put up with it until she can.

Thanks so much for the reply JenniferI don't get it.She is one of those conventionally attractive girls,blonde hair,slim build,well endowed,big blue eyes.She is stunning and here I am a stumpy Asian person.As for talking to her,when we've had disagreements and I've tried talking to her,she gets my brother involved and he comes to my house and starts pretty much losing it with me.So I've stopped talking to her about things that she does that may upset me.
I guess I just have to suck it up.

I really appreciate the advice.Thank you

triciab79

Sometimes we can't be friends with family. Sometimes we have to love them but not like them. If she makes you feel bad then she is not the right kind of person to hang out with. Maybe stick to going to the movies with her so that the majority of the time is spent silent.

metaphoria

"Maybe you don't realize it, but what you have been saying to me is not only rude, but entirely false. I will not have conversations about my weight, anymore."

Then stick to it, but be sure to behave graciously toward her whether she apologizes or not. Don't mention it in front of her, if your brother asks about it, change the subject. Accept compliments, but do not have conversations about it. I don't talk to my family about my weight loss because I'm already smaller than all but one family member, but am still not in a healthy body fat range. Some of them take it as a personal insult that I am still working on myself. I accept the very occasional compliment, but do not bring up the subject of exercise or weight loss at all. I posted a pic on Facebook of what I looked like after I ran in the rain, and I posted the Spartan Sprint I am registered for, because these are interests of mine that I enjoy, but that's it.

I blogged here about the familial reaction to the Spartan Sprint: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/metaphoria

RoseDarrett

"Maybe you don't realize it, but what you have been saying to me is not only rude, but entirely false. I will not have conversations about my weight, anymore."

Then stick to it, but be sure to behave graciously toward her whether she apologizes or not. Don't mention it in front of her, if your brother asks about it, change the subject. Accept compliments, but do not have conversations about it. I don't talk to my family about my weight loss because I'm already smaller than all but one family member, but am still not in a healthy body fat range. Some of them take it as a personal insult that I am still working on myself. I accept the very occasional compliment, but do not bring up the subject of exercise or weight loss at all. I posted a pic on Facebook of what I looked like after I ran in the rain, and I posted the Spartan Sprint I am registered for, because these are interests of mine that I enjoy, but that's it.

I blogged here about the familial reaction to the Spartan Sprint: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/metaphoria

I think you hit the nail right on the head there!Like I said to my husband,it's like she thinks me losing weight is to spite her.You're right,She totally takes it as a personal attack,I just never saw it before!!!She gets extra snarky when ppl compliment me.When I was going to the gym and boxing,I never told her about it,I never talk to her about my working out.It's only happened lately because my brother asked.I'll start keeping my workouts to myself again.Thanks for your reply

GoTeamMeaghan

She may be pretty, but her personality sounds ugly.

RoseDarrett

Sometimes we can't be friends with family. Sometimes we have to love them but not like them. If she makes you feel bad then she is not the right kind of person to hang out with. Maybe stick to going to the movies with her so that the majority of the time is spent silent.

We have kids and they love each other,so unfortunately I have to see her more than in just a movie setting.I do love her.I just don't like this side of her.

3foldchord

I had a friend like that. I am sure it is more annoying with family. Your brother sounds like his head is in the right place. I guess I would just ignore her words and answer here questions and comments with something like "Wow, that is a gorgeous necklace you are wearing! "... Or "Did you see---such and such movie---? I hear it's really good?"

A reply totally not related to what she is asking. This is what we homeschoolers use when people get on our backs with a bazillion questions that they try to make look like they are all meaning, but yuo know they are being brats and wanting to make fun of us.

RoseDarrett

She may be pretty, but her personality sounds ugly.

This made me smile.

RoseDarrett

I had a friend like that. I am sure it is more annoying with family. Your brother sounds like his head is in the right place. I guess I would just ignore her words and answer here questions and comments with something like "Wow, that is a gorgeous necklace you are wearing! "... Or "Did you see---such and such movie---? I hear it's really good?"

A reply totally not related to what she is asking. This is what we homeschoolers use when people get on our backs with a bazillion questions that they try to make look like they are all meaning, but yuo know they are being brats and wanting to make fun of us.

Thank you.I will be doing that.She will be completely distracted too.She loves being center of attention.Congratulations on homeschooling btw.I did it with my son(he's in school now,I enjoyed it,he didn't)I think it's such a great thing to do

LMT2012

Let her waste HER energy on whatever is going on in her pea brain. Save yours for things that are important, fun, or naughty : )
This may be why men still rule most of the world. Can you see a guy worrying what makes another guy tick??

RoseDarrett

Let her waste HER energy on whatever is going on in her pea brain. Save yours for things that are important, fun, or naughty : )
This may be why men still rule most of the world. Can you see a guy worrying what makes another guy tick??

True enough.imagine when it's That Time of the month!Could be disastrous!!
Thanks for your kind words.I'll save my energy for my workouts