Hello :)

carijok

So I am a recovering addict. I wasn't using hard drugs but I have been using marijuana heavily and daily since the age of fourteen, and I'm turning thirty one soon. I felt like it defined me and I needed it. Every time I tried to quit to side effects were so severe I never lasted more than a few excruciating days. That all changed a few months ago when my husband and I started talking about having a baby. We realized that even tho some parents don't stop smoking pot and partying, in order to be good parents we needed to get control of the addiction and recover from it, learning how to be sober and emotionally accountable so that we could be good role models for this person we hope to bring into existence.

As much as I thought I loved getting high all day every day, one of the worst things about it which I chose to ignore was the detrimental effect it has had on my diet and weight. If I wasn't tall and moderately active I surely would have gotten obese. The amounts of unnecessary food we would eat would disgust you. Family sized bags of potato chips. A pack of bacon a day. Huge bags of candy and ice cream every night. I felt so bad about it and the fat accumulating on my body but I would shut that internal regulator up with another bong hit or joint.

So I've been sober for about a month now. The first few weeks were hard for us. Anger, depression, insomnia, headaches, and isolation from our friends were just some of the things we had to deal with. But those things have eased and it has been so wonderful to let go of something that wasn't doing me any good. The benefits I'm reaping are absolutely enormous and stretch to every aspect of my life in my mind, body and home. They are in fact too numerous to list here!

Now that I'm not stoned all the time I can use a tool like myfitnesspal to track what goes into my mouth and its easy, it's like a fun little hobby I have. I should mention that I quit drinking diet pop and coffee with cream at the same time I made this lifestyle change. Honestly it seems like the diet pop was making my body hold onto fat in a weird way, like my organs were so baffled by the aspartame they couldn't process nutrients efficiently. I was drinking about two litres of it a day. As soon as I stopped my weight went down by five pounds in the course of a week. I've lost another six pounds gradually this month by eating whole foods instead of processed foods, exercising every day, drinking a lot of water and tea and keeping this food diary on my ipad.

The day I quit smoking weed I weighed a hundred and ninety pounds. Today I weigh one seventy nine. I'm still at the beginning of my journey but I know it will work this time because I'm willing to do the things it actually takes instead of continuing to do what I've always done and just wishing I were skinnier. Time and pressure. My goal weight is one fifty, that's what I weighed in high school and the day I achieve that we are going to start trying for the baby. It's the best motivation I have ever had. Thank you for reading my story and I hope to report in again with progress made towards my goal. If you have any questions I will be happy to answer them, and I'm also looking for friends so please add me.

sarah0709

Well done for admitting your problems. I hope you do well on your journey to be healthy x

JEG2012

You can absolutely add me. Your life change you've made is a challenge but you sound like you have a lot of motivation. You have a much better life ahead of you!

ScarletFyre

Thank you for sharing your story and welcome! I added you

metaliz

I'm always so happy to see someone who's made such a positive change in their lives, especially when bringing in a baby. The benefits you are receiving and what you will receive really is as you said -- too many to list. Glad you got rid of the diet soda as well, that stuff is pure crap. Coffee with cream is still a weakness of mine personally, though.

Great work on what you've done so far, and I know you will make great progress!

carijok

So I've got a pretty big problem. Literally right after I made this post my husband informs me that his job is too hard and he can get a good deal so he's going to start smoking weed again. I'm devastated. There are many reasons, mostly having to do with my very real fear this is going to ruin everything and take away all my happiness and progress in one way or another. If I stick to my guns I will be avoiding him, my husband, the person I love more than anyone. I am not ready to be around it yet and say no, I needed the sober time he promised me. I needed the space and time away from it and I'm so hurt he is doing this. I don't even know how to handle powerful emotions such as these without weed. I feel very lost and confused and just incredibly sad. Ill never reach my goals if I start smoking weed again. I don't see how I'm going to not be smoking it if he is, if our money is going towards it, I have no tools to combat that kind of pressure. I know it's codependent and unhealthy I just don't know what I'm going to do about it. I feel extremely lost and alone right now.

onefatwife

It's time to get out. You cannot have yourself exposed to that. No matter how much you love someone, you need to think of your own health first. He is not being a responsible adult.

Kerrycita

Have you had a serious conversation with him about this? His support is a must in this journey and if he denies you of that, that is a red flag. Possibly get into some counseling for both of you and hopefully he will then recognize the seriousness of it.

iveyroze3

You have made progress and are fragile right now. He needs to respect your sincere desire to keep off the drug. It's not fair to you.

jadethief

So I've got a pretty big problem. Literally right after I made this post my husband informs me that his job is too hard and he can get a good deal so he's going to start smoking weed again. I'm devastated. There are many reasons, mostly having to do with my very real fear this is going to ruin everything and take away all my happiness and progress in one way or another. If I stick to my guns I will be avoiding him, my husband, the person I love more than anyone. I am not ready to be around it yet and say no, I needed the sober time he promised me. I needed the space and time away from it and I'm so hurt he is doing this. I don't even know how to handle powerful emotions such as these without weed. I feel very lost and confused and just incredibly sad. Ill never reach my goals if I start smoking weed again. I don't see how I'm going to not be smoking it if he is, if our money is going towards it, I have no tools to combat that kind of pressure. I know it's codependent and unhealthy I just don't know what I'm going to do about it. I feel extremely lost and alone right now.

If you haven't already, go find an NA meeting. They will give you the support you need to stay clean. You can not control what your husband does and you do not have to let what he does control your choices.

carijok

I have been trying to get him to see my point of view and how hard it will make it for me to stay sober if he brings it back into my home. The home is supposed to be the place you feel most comfortable... For both of us. Unfortunately he is bristling at my reaction to his choice. Last night when I wrote this I was not in the greatest headspace, having just found out that my journey is about to get even harder. I cried hard, surprisingly hard, but not until he fell asleep. The emotions were just so overwhelming and I had to get it all out. I don't think I've cried that hard since my baby brother died. But I did it on my own time, in private, because I was unable to talk or think rationally. I still have a few days before he does it but I don't think I am going to be able to change his mind. His job is one of brutal physical labor and I can understand why he wants the weed. He doesn't have a weight problem like I do, if anything the overeating caused by marijuana use is a good thing for his health as he is quite tall and lean.
So I've spent a good many hours thinking about this and sleeping on this. I looked up NA or AA meetings in my area but I live in a tiny isolated town in the middle of nowhere and I couldn't find any info online. I could ask the local church if there is AA held somewhere but it doesn't feel quite right to me to share this problem with alcoholics in my very small community. I volunteer in the high school working with kids and I have always kept my marijuana use hidden and tried to be an upstanding citizen despite my use. It also seems ludicrous to me that I should have to publicly say I have a pot addiction and I need help. I think it's something I can handle independently until the day comes when my husband is smoking it in front of me and that day is coming soon. I do need help. That is just going to be super hard, and for me the weed is going to ruin a lot if good things if I start smoking it again. That is not the case for my husband, the only bad side effect he is going to have is me being upset by it, and he knows that wont last long because I will just give in and smoke it with him.
Unless I don't. There's no question that I am not ready for that kind of temptation. Whether I ready for it or not, it's coming. Wouldn't it be wonderful if it didn't bother me? If I could just keep doing what I'm doing regardless of what others do, even if the other in question is my significant other? I can't control him and even trying to will only cause tension. But perhaps if I remain calm and explain to him how much it means to me to stay sober and how tempting I will find it when he is not, we can reach a compromise where he doesn't do it right in front of me, like maybe he goes outside or in the guest bedroom or something.

The thing is, I have been driving myself really hard with the diet and exercise, and it's working. I find waking up in the morning and being ever so slightly smaller every day to be incredibly satisfying, and it sure feels better than having a food hangover. I just have all these years of maintaining a strong habit of smoking weed and eating everything in the house. If you don't know, smoking weed gives you the munches and while some people seem to be able to combat this side effect I am not one of them. It also makes you unaccountable and lazy so keeping a food diary is impossible and so is serious exercise because it affects your energy level. At the same time it's not a "hard" drug it's a relatively harmless plant and beneficial for a lot of people. I am not one of them, not at this time in my life. I know what it's like to be high, I've done it plenty, so now I need to completely eradicate whatever it is in my brain that's causing panic and the thought of watching him do it and not being able to partake.

Losing weight is hard work. It takes willpower. Food is still delicious and my body is quite used to eating lots of sugar and fat wether I'm on drugs or not. I've been using all my willpower to follow a whole foods diet. Now circumstances require that I find even more willpower, a lot more, to not smoke pot even though I will have access to it and might see it and smell it. All the panic and tears and anger and feelings of betrayal - those are all things that I own. He is not doing that to me, I'm doing it to myself. All he's doing is smoking a few bowls, and where he is at in his life right now that may very well be the correct choice for him and I am wrong if I try to control him. I probably can control my REACTION to his use and I can control myself somehow when I see him using. I'm not sure how yet but I know I don't want to be that person mindlessly shoving food in the face hole and ignoring my emotions and wasting my money and missing opportunities.

Thanks for reading this incredibly long post, for whatever reason my MFP is going to be a place where I document this struggle because smoking weed is the reason I am carrying extra fat on my body and I want to get in shape physically and mentally mo than anything. More than I want a hit off my husband's joint even. Supposedly. Sigh....

Lone_Wolf70

Been there, everyday is a battle, every night is a victory.

stephcampbell77

I have been trying to get him to see my point of view and how hard it will make it for me to stay sober if he brings it back into my home. The home is supposed to be the place you feel most comfortable... For both of us. Unfortunately he is bristling at my reaction to his choice. Last night when I wrote this I was not in the greatest headspace, having just found out that my journey is about to get even harder. I cried hard, surprisingly hard, but not until he fell asleep. The emotions were just so overwhelming and I had to get it all out. I don't think I've cried that hard since my baby brother died. But I did it on my own time, in private, because I was unable to talk or think rationally. I still have a few days before he does it but I don't think I am going to be able to change his mind. His job is one of brutal physical labor and I can understand why he wants the weed. He doesn't have a weight problem like I do, if anything the overeating caused by marijuana use is a good thing for his health as he is quite tall and lean.
So I've spent a good many hours thinking about this and sleeping on this. I looked up NA or AA meetings in my area but I live in a tiny isolated town in the middle of nowhere and I couldn't find any info online. I could ask the local church if there is AA held somewhere but it doesn't feel quite right to me to share this problem with alcoholics in my very small community. I volunteer in the high school working with kids and I have always kept my marijuana use hidden and tried to be an upstanding citizen despite my use. It also seems ludicrous to me that I should have to publicly say I have a pot addiction and I need help. I think it's something I can handle independently until the day comes when my husband is smoking it in front of me and that day is coming soon. I do need help. That is just going to be super hard, and for me the weed is going to ruin a lot if good things if I start smoking it again. That is not the case for my husband, the only bad side effect he is going to have is me being upset by it, and he knows that wont last long because I will just give in and smoke it with him.
Unless I don't. There's no question that I am not ready for that kind of temptation. Whether I ready for it or not, it's coming. Wouldn't it be wonderful if it didn't bother me? If I could just keep doing what I'm doing regardless of what others do, even if the other in question is my significant other? I can't control him and even trying to will only cause tension. But perhaps if I remain calm and explain to him how much it means to me to stay sober and how tempting I will find it when he is not, we can reach a compromise where he doesn't do it right in front of me, like maybe he goes outside or in the guest bedroom or something.

The thing is, I have been driving myself really hard with the diet and exercise, and it's working. I find waking up in the morning and being ever so slightly smaller every day to be incredibly satisfying, and it sure feels better than having a food hangover. I just have all these years of maintaining a strong habit of smoking weed and eating everything in the house. If you don't know, smoking weed gives you the munches and while some people seem to be able to combat this side effect I am not one of them. It also makes you unaccountable and lazy so keeping a food diary is impossible and so is serious exercise because it affects your energy level. At the same time it's not a "hard" drug it's a relatively harmless plant and beneficial for a lot of people. I am not one of them, not at this time in my life. I know what it's like to be high, I've done it plenty, so now I need to completely eradicate whatever it is in my brain that's causing panic and the thought of watching him do it and not being able to partake.

Losing weight is hard work. It takes willpower. Food is still delicious and my body is quite used to eating lots of sugar and fat wether I'm on drugs or not. I've been using all my willpower to follow a whole foods diet. Now circumstances require that I find even more willpower, a lot more, to not smoke pot even though I will have access to it and might see it and smell it. All the panic and tears and anger and feelings of betrayal - those are all things that I own. He is not doing that to me, I'm doing it to myself. All he's doing is smoking a few bowls, and where he is at in his life right now that may very well be the correct choice for him and I am wrong if I try to control him. I probably can control my REACTION to his use and I can control myself somehow when I see him using. I'm not sure how yet but I know I don't want to be that person mindlessly shoving food in the face hole and ignoring my emotions and wasting my money and missing opportunities.

Thanks for reading this incredibly long post, for whatever reason my MFP is going to be a place where I document this struggle because smoking weed is the reason I am carrying extra fat on my body and I want to get in shape physically and mentally mo than anything. More than I want a hit off my husband's joint even. Supposedly. Sigh....

Check out Sober Recovery ASAP. Google it, you won't regret it.

carijok

I can't go to inpatient recovery as awesome as that would be. It's too expensive and I have a job and responsibilities and stuff.