Blonde Jokes
Chapter3point6
Posts: 1,233
in Chit-Chat
A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?"
The clerk asks, "What denomination?"
The blonde says, "God help us!" Has it come to this? Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran, and 22 Baptist."
The clerk asks, "What denomination?"
The blonde says, "God help us!" Has it come to this? Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran, and 22 Baptist."
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Replies
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A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.
She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz SL 500. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank. She has the title, and everything checks out.
The bank agrees to accept the car collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $110,000 Benz as collateral against a $5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Benz into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the blonde returns. She repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.
The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The blonde replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"0 -
Two blonds are on opposite sides of a river.
The first one asks the second "How do you get to the other side?"
The second one says, "You ARE on the other side!"0 -
I love blonde jokes. My blonde daughter does too. :bigsmile:
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from re-possessing the ranch they need to purchase a bull from*a stockyard in a far-away town so that they can breed their own stock. They only have $600 left.
Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."
The brunette arrives at the stockyard, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.
She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."
The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word." Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, "I want you to send her the word "comfortable."
The operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word "comfortable?"
The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. The word's big. She'll read it very slowly...
com-for-da-bull."0 -
Two blondes walk into a bar, the brunette ducks.0
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Y DID THE BLONDE SAY HI TO A PIG? CUZ SHE LIKES BACON LOLOLOLOOZ0
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this saddens me, i am a dyed blonde,,, and your hurting my feelings..0
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Two blondes walk into a bar, the brunette ducks.
LOL...good one!0 -
I was lying in bed with my blonde girlfriend last night when she said, "I think my boobs are too small, I'm going to get a boob job."
"Hmm," I replied, "my hands are too small... what do you think I should do?"
"Do you want a hand job?"
She's a keeper.0 -
A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?"
The clerk asks, "What denomination?"
The blonde says, "God help us!" Has it come to this? Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran, and 22 Baptist."
At least she got the math right0 -
What do you call a brunette and 3 blondes standing in front of a Pizza Hut?
Regular price.... 4 bucks...4 bucks...4 bucks0 -
A blonde walks into a chemist and asks for some rectum deodorant.
The pharmacist explains to the woman that they don't sell it.
Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this chemist on a regular basis for years and would like some more.
"Do you have the container it came in?" asks the pharmacist.
"Yes," said the blonde and she hands it to him.
He looks at it and says, "this is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant."
Annoyed, the blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container...
"TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM."0 -
A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.
She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz SL 500. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank. She has the title, and everything checks out.
The bank agrees to accept the car collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $110,000 Benz as collateral against a $5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Benz into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the blonde returns. She repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.
The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The blonde replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
Awesome one!!0 -
this saddens me, i am a dyed blonde,,, and your hurting my feelings..
*SNORT*
*you're0 -
this saddens me, i am a dyed blonde,,, and your hurting my feelings..
You are a dyed blonde but your spelling is that of a real blonde... YOU'RE hurting my feelings. Would be the correct spelling sweetie.:flowerforyou:0 -
this saddens me, i am a dyed blonde,,, and your hurting my feelings..
i could tell...
it's "you're", not "your".
:bigsmile:0 -
A clever blonde, a zombie, santa claus and a cleaner are all in a lift.
There is a 5 pound note on the floor.
Who picks it up?
The cleaner - because the other three don't exist!0 -
lol i get it !!! i love bacon jokes they are fun and SNARKY !!! lolY DID THE BLONDE SAY HI TO A PIG? CUZ SHE LIKES BACON LOLOLOLOOZ0 -
Why did the blonde get excited after finishing the jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
Because the box said from 2 to 4 years.0 -
Know why there are so many blonde jokes?
It gives brunnettes and redheads something to do on friday night....
Ouch, we are no longer friends on the forums. Yes we were friends, now we are not *pouts*0 -
A blonde's house catches fire she calls -9-1-1. When the operator asks her how to get to her house she replies.......
.."Duh..big red truck"!
I am one, therefore I can tell blonde jokes. LOL0 -
Why couldn't the blonde make Kool-Aid?
She couldnt fit 8 cups of water into the little package.
Why were the blondes breast square?
She didnt know you were supposed to take the Kleenex out of the box first/0 -
this saddens me, i am a dyed blonde,,, and your hurting my feelings..
i could tell...
it's "you're", not "your".
:bigsmile:
burn....0 -
Know why there are so many blonde jokes?
It gives brunnettes and redheads something to do on friday night....
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
:flowerforyou:
Love this answer....as a natural blonde I LOVE being underestimated.....the knuckleheads never see it coming!!0 -
I was lying in bed with my blonde girlfriend last night when she said, "I think my boobs are too small, I'm going to get a boob job."
"Hmm," I replied, "my hands are too small... what do you think I should do?"
"Do you want a hand job?"
She's a keeper.
That made me laugh out loud and almost spit out my water on my keyboard...... :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
Know why there are so many blonde jokes?
It gives brunnettes and redheads something to do on friday night....
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
:flowerforyou:
Love this answer....as a natural blonde I LOVE being underestimated.....the knuckleheads never see it coming!!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^THIS!0 -
There were three blondes stuck on an island and they had been there for a few days, when they stumbled across a magical lamp. One of the blondes rubs the lamp and sure enough a genie pops out and offers to grant each of them a wish.
The first blonde says, "Make me smart so I can think of a way to get off this island."
He points his finger at her, and she turns into a redhead. Then she heads to the water and swims towards land.
The next blonde says, "Make me even smarter than her so I can get off this island!"
So he points his finger and she becomes a brunette, and she builds a boat and sets sail.
The last one says "Make me smarter than both of them combined!!"
The genie points his finger at her and turns her into a man, the man then walks across the foot bridge back to mainland.0 -
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