How to motivate your loved ones...

Yurippe

My best friend is going through a rough time. Trying to be a supportive friend I brought up joining a gym together since exercise should not only improve her mood but be healthy for her in the long run (both of us have put on 90 excess lbs sitting behind a desk).

We joined Curves last Saturday and I've been back every day (except Sunday when they are closed). I've also come back to MFP because I KNOW this works. I lost 20lbs Jan-Mar '09 very rarely exercising by just watching what I ate.

She's only gone twice and just told me she "doesn't feel like it" again today. It's after noon and she hasn't eatten anything yet so she just ran to the gas station for lunch...

I don't want to push her too hard but I want what's best for her and am trying to figure out how to nudge her toward taking care of herself.

Any ideas are welcome.

Yurippe

Just realized that I posted this in the completely wrong message board. Sorry about that!

gnme4243

Honestly it sounds like you are doing the right things. Sometimes the best help is to be supportive, try to plan things with her, and if that won't work, stick with what you are doing for you, maybe you can lead by example. People have to want to lose the weight, they have to want to do the work it takes to get it off and keep it off. You can want that for her, but you can't make it happen for her.

Remind her you care about her, and want to do this with her, let her know it helps YOU to have her there with you. Maybe if she doesn't feel like you are trying to help her, but rather she is helping you, she will be more motivated to try. It's hard to take the first step, and I commend you for doing it!! Be patient with her, and keep up what you are doing. You are a good friend, and she needs you, probably more than she is willing to admit. If you give up on her, she might see it as another excuse to give up on herself. Maybe knowing you won't will help her as well.

Hang in there, and great great job to you for taking the step to your own better health, way to go for going to curves all week!!!

Good luck! :flowerforyou:

bebhinn

I think of it as kicking an addiction. Unfortunately, they have to WANT to help themselves. The most you can do is be there for them when they are ready and help them with whatever tools you can.

jlewis2896

I have a friend with a similar attitude. I feel like the problem with her is that she feels like people are trying to change her, and all she is looking for is acceptance.

I have just been very honest with my friend. I tell her I love her and it wouldn't matter to me if she gained or lost weight, but I want her to at least try this because I think it would be beneficial. No luck yet, but I think she's warming up to it!! And I could tell she genuinely appreciated the 'acceptance speech'.

Maybe instead of Curves you could have her try out a special class that's only once or twice a week? Then the task won't be so daunting, and she will have a class schedule to stick to, instead of relying on her own willpower to decide to go or not to go??

Good luck, and good for you for being willing to change your lifestyle to help yourself and others!!

carrieliz81

If she's really uninterested in going, she probably just won't go. It's hard to convince people to do something they're not ready for. But, I would say if you are annoyingly chipper and positive and persistent all day long, she might begrudgingly decide to go with you more often, and then if that happens a few times, she might decide she likes your new routine together. But, it's hard to say since her personality and/or desire may not be ready for it!

Yurippe

I think I needed to hear that. I can want good things for her, but I can't make her want them.

Sparksfly

keep exercising and watching what you eat...the results will speak loudly to her!

Be a role model, and keep up the excellent work. She might ask for help if she sees how well you are doing.

ljones01

I have a friend who has been really working on losing weight and getting fit. She never mentioned me needing to lose or exercise. By being supportive of her and her goals I was able to motivate myself. I have recently joined Curves and love it. I don't have to worry about "Malibu Barbie", we are all real people who want to make a positive change. Keep going yourself and she will eventually want to do it with you. A supportive friend is an awesome thing to have.

Laura

Yurippe

Maybe instead of Curves you could have her try out a special class that's only once or twice a week? Then the task won't be so daunting, and she will have a class schedule to stick to, instead of relying on her own willpower to decide to go or not to go??

Curves was her choice and I went along with it to be supportive. I wanted to join a gym that had more machines/options/classes etc. I will say though that I like it so far. Since I have a good deal of weight to lose it's a good place to start. I think if I kept up with it for a while it might not be challenging enough. Funny enough since I've joined both my stepdad and boyfriend have asked if they could come in on a guest pass for a day to check it out (it's for women only).

shellybressler

Sometimes envy is a great motivator... Just keep doing what you are doing... and when you get where you want to be she might want it then for herself...

And she does have to want it...

but don't let her drag you down in the process... cus that can happen as well.

Sweetie_Pie92

I joined Curves last month and while I love it....it's so hard for me a lot of days to get motivated to go! I have to make the decision to go for myself every time. Your friends need make the decision to get in shape on her own for herself. Just keep doing what you're doing, maybe seeing your results will motivate her!
Wish I had a friend to go to Curves with!