Stress = Teenager = Staying focused on MFP

akaMrsmojo

So my teenage son who is actually almost 19 has gone off the deep end and living basically homeless. He will not come home because he wants to be close to his girlfriend.

I have been working hard for the last month to lose the 15 pounds I gained back from stress eating over the holidays.

When it is your child, it is whole stress that is hard to deal with.

I have lost my appetite and I am forcing myself to eat and stay on my workout routine.

How do you deal with stress and staying focused on MFP and your goals.?

Even though I am, I am fighting the tears as I go.

RunDoozer

Sorry to hear about your son. Teenagers so frequently tend to go off the deep end. I know I'll be scared as hell when mine gets there.

That said you need to keep yourself sane. Not eating or overeating will just make you feel worse. It may be an immediate fix but in the long term like you said you're just going to have to work off more stress pounds.

Keep working out that will be what keeps you going. It is what I use to manage stress when I otherwise want to eat/drink/smoke or do other unhealthy things to myself. It also is effective for a lot longer than one of those temporary fixes.

Hope he comes to his senses soon. They usually do.

akaMrsmojo

Thank you, I planned to stay on track because I am rational to know I feel better when I exercise and eat my proper calories. Really I just want to make my proper calories a big glass of rum.

Jaymefirst

I was that teenager. The best thing my parents did for me was a little tough love. They were always there if I needed them, but reminded me of the choices that I continued to make. It took a little over a year for me to come to my senses and my mother will tell you it was the hardest thing to endure. But I came out of it, and appreciate everything I've had to overcome to get where I am now. He'll get there. Don't lose sight of your goals. He needs to see that the world doesn't stop because of his actions. As a parent of two teenagers now, of course I'm scared that someday I will face this. All I can do is let them know that they are loved and I'm always willing to listen. Hope he realizes sooner than later what he needs to do to reach his own goals.

akaMrsmojo

I was a difficult teenager and ended up pregnant with him. He is what gave me the motivation to get my life straight for him. I have tried to make his life as normal as possible.

I know the tough love thing is the right thing but when is it endangering his life.

wnbrice

Guess only thing you can do is make a home for him when he is ready to come back.

And that includes making sure you take care of yourself, the healthier you are and more welcoming the house is I am sure will make it easier to come home.

Also none of the "Come home" talk more of the "Your home is always here and ready for you if you want it". Make it his choice, also doing things like inviting him home for a few days, make sure he is okay but not trying to force him to stay.

Things like that I am sure would help. How far away is he?

akaMrsmojo

He is 12 miles away and he wanted to come home last night but he got mad when we insisted on the truth and what really happened to his job. He gives us different stories every time. He has no plan for his future and he was so angry, we could not bring him around the other children.

He just wants to be close to his girlfriend. He has no transportation because h blew off his driver's license test and that of course was my fault. I am just suppose to fix it because I am his mom.

wnbrice

O yea, that sounds familiar.

I guess the best thing to do right now IMO is just to not bring it up. When he is ready to talk about it he will, probably a measure of shame involved and he is lashing out.

I would focus on one thing at a time instead of trying to tackle it all at once. Let home be a stress free place that he can return to without fear of judgement. Think of it as a pressure chamber, the more you push, the more compressed it will be and the more force will come flying out.

Although you may not approve of his decisions, making that known is not going to change them and is only going to cause increased tension between you two as well as increased determination on his part to go through with them. IF you cant stop him, might as well take steps to make it slightly better so you have fewer worries. When I was sleeping in my car because I was afraid to go home, it would have made a world of difference if my father had not refused my request for some food money.

Although this may sound sad but be glad that he still thinks he can count on you in some warped way.

akaMrsmojo

I agree, but he has major anger issues that scare his brother. So he knows he can come home when he gets counseling. He was raised in a stable home, he knows we love him deeply. I know he is doing things he is ashamed off and that is why he barely comes home.

Good news, I was able to eat a descent lunch. I have not done my exercise routine yet but I am planning on it.

wnbrice

Its that ashamed of part is what I am recommending needs to go.

Don't talk about it, don't discuss what he is doing, just let it alone. Let home be someplace safe, without judgements at least for awhile.

I guess its difficult to understand but how would you feel if the place you felt was supposed to be the safest is suddenly very hostile, or judgmental. Or every single time you go home the first thing people do is tell you how wrong you are or how ashamed of you they are. I would get pretty pissed off too. Also why would I want to come home?

akaMrsmojo

It is not really like that, he is not judged here. We just want honesty. He does not want to be here either, he wants to be with his girlfriend. He is obsessed with her and lost his job over it. He is frustrated with his life and comes here with a hostile attitude towards his brother and sister. He is like a stranger now.

I love him but I cannot fix him. He has to want it himself. Being so far from his girlfriend makes him all cranky. He does not have a car and he starts snapping at people.

He is safe where he is for now. We took him food last night. So we will see what happens.

wnbrice

Sounds good, here is to hoping he gets better soon