money squabbles with spouse

whouwannab

My husband and I often agrue over money. We have been married 10 years and I can not continue with this stress. I would like to hear how others avoid disagreements over money. I was thinking a monthly allowance for each of us that we could spend on whatever we want, whether it be lunch out with friends, drinks after work, fantasy football, new shoes, etc. We both work and make comparable salaries, but neither of us makes a whole lot. We have no credit card debt, but have mortgage, vehicles, daycare expenses, and basic monthly bills. All our accounts are joint and we lump all income together. Basicly what he sees as a necessity I dont and vice versa.

Thoughts?
Thank you

coliema

This is why I don't have a joint account with my spouse, we would kill eachother.

whouwannab

yeah, I hear ya

BullDozier

My wife and I are both bad with money. If we ran everything through a joint account, we'd be in a mess, and constantly fighting.

I am marginally better than she is, so I handle all the bills, but we discuss big purchases and long term planning.

We have a weird situation because she has multiple jobs, so she gets paid from a few different sources. Her biggest check gets deposited into our joint checking account, and that money goes towards the bills/saving. There's also a little money there for family stuff like going out to eat occasionally, etc, so we aren't splitting those bills. Her small part time jobs gets deposited into her own account, and that is money she does whatever she wants with. My check goes into our joint account and I take out a comparable amount for my own spending money.

The only time we have issues is when something big unscheduled comes up and we need to find a way to pay for it. Our emergency fund isn't huge, so a big ticket item will cause some stress, but we've learned to deal with the day to day stuff pretty well.

ACepero79

My wife and I have separate bank accounts with 1 joint account. The joint account is replenished with a deposit from both of our paychecks. The rest of our paychecks are used to pay our personal bills and what is left over is for discretionary spending. My paycheck pays for the mortgage and everything related to the house. Her paycheck pays for food shopping.

So she can spend money on shoes and clothes and as long as what she earns covers her expenses and she has money left over for that, then have a blast. If I have money left over after I pay the mortgage, electricity, oil, cable, water, and maintenance on the house, then I can spend it on the mountain bike, compound bow, tools, or the latest and greatest tech.

If we only had a joint account, I would foresee problems.

perfectingpatti

I like the idea of a monthy "allowance" for each of you to spend on whatever you want. If you want really expensive shoes, you may need to wait a few months to have enough to buy them.

I don't see how having individual accounts would help. Sounds like you both have to contribute to bills. You'd then have to split up the bills and see who pays what, etc.

the_journeyman

Joint accounts are good and bad. Not having a joint account means my wife has to write me a check every month for her part of the credit card and I have to stop by the bank and deposit it bank is close by so it's not a problem

We share a credit card for most of our expenses (fuel, food, household supplies etc) and pay it off every month. When the bill posts online, we look through it and separate the charges that we each made. We 50/50 split things like groceries, household supplies, dining out together etc and any joint expense and each pay our part of the card. Sure, it takes a few minutes, but I made a great spreadsheet that allows us to enter everything in and it shows totals for lots of things. It shows overall total, what each of us are responsible for, total that is 50/50 split, our individual purchases totals, and few other things.

We looked through our non-credit card bills (mortgage, water, electricity, car, insurance) and worked out way so we were paying roughly half each. It basically works out that I pay house & insurance, and she pays for her car & utilities.

We also agreed to discuss any purchase that was over $100. I can't recall money ever coming up in a real argument.

JM

_Witsy_

This is why I don't have a joint account with my spouse, we would kill eachother.

Yep, this. We have a joint account where a percentage of our paychecks go to pay the mortgage, car payment, household bills...and then we have our own seperate "do what you want" accounts for ourselves and our personal bills.

ubermensch13

My wife and I don't combine our salaries at all. We both make good money, although she makes more than I do, but when one person buys something for the 2 of us, we just write checks for our share. Other than that, we split costs and buy our own stuff. We never argue about money.

jamfan

I give up all money issues. I make it she pay's the bills. I pay for gas & reasonable lunches. If I need something else we discuss it. Because I don't needlessly spend she can figure what I will need but we started w/ an allowance. It's tough when it comes to gifts for her though. I generally need to know a budget. She takes care of the kids & most of the mortgage & other bills are set up for automatic payment so there are never late fees.

Brianna716

Sit down and do a budget for the next month before that month begins. Cover all necessities first, then determine if there's money to save, then decide how much each of you get for your discretionary spending and agree that you don't have to be accountable to each other for what you spent your discretionary spending on- you might want to withdraw this money as cash so that it's already gone from the checking account

saxmaniac

Sign up for Dave Ramsey's FPU class, and go to every session. Best $100 I ever spent.

Seriously, just go. Now.

If you hate it, I will personally send you a check for $200.

dawnna76

We have a joint account. Hubby makes more than I do but all our funds go into our joint checking. We account for all bills and a spending allowance each month for things like cloths, pedicures, haircuts for him and the boys, etc. that's part of monthly bills so its not considered excess spending. Any big purchases we discuss first. We are both not spenders by hait so it works for us. We are pretty simple and I think it's why our way works for us.

Alex_is_Hawks

i will never do a joint account with a partner again.

I did it in my last relationship and basically he would put his cheque in minus $700 dollars (for spending money) and then expect me to put my WHOLE cheque in AND find the extra money with which to cover his shortfall (since if he was short, he still paid himself the $700 dollars BEFORE putting money into the joint to cover bills)

basically the Joint was an excuse for him to justify that his money was his, and my money was ours (or his) .....

Separate all the way and forevermore.

EatClean_WashUrNuts

Just break up

MelSabourin

My husband and I often agrue over money. We have been married 10 years and I can not continue with this stress. I would like to hear how others avoid disagreements over money.

My husband and I are approaching our 9th anniversary, though have been together for 18 years. When we moved in together, money was the only thing we'd argue about. We figured out who would pay what, and it's no longer a problem. We both make good money and do not have any joint accounts. I buy groceries and related household items and pay a couple of additional bills, he pays the mortgage, taxes, and the rest of the bills. We each take care of our own car expenses/insurance, cell phone bills, etc. As long as the bills are paid, there are no 'rules' as to how additional funds are spent. If I want to go on a girls weekend getaway to shop, or he wants to buy season tickets for football - go nuts. He doesn't need to know what I spend on clothes, and I don't really care what he spends on beer. We both work hard for our money, and are entitled to splurge every so often.

iAMsmiling

My wife and I pool all income.
I make 3x what she does.

Every dollar I earn is hers and every dollar she earns is mine...because we're married.

As far as spending is concerned. We have a long standing rule that either of us can spend up to $100 without consulting the other. More than that and it requires a conversation on priorities. If I were to become unsympathetic to her priorities, I'm pretty sure she would become that way with mine. Since we love each other and want each other to have the sensible things we want, we've yet (18 years) to have a serious disagreement over money.

Ras_py

"Basicly what he sees as a necessity I dont and vice versa."

like what kind of things??

MyPsalm63

Thankfully we very rarely disagree about money. We have a joint account. He works, I Stay at Home. We discuss everything. If we can't agree, he will make the final decision. I'm 100% ok with that. I absolutely trust him.

Mutant13

We keep our finances separate and split all bills right down the middle. We never fight about money

rileamoyer

We keep a his, mine and ours account. Has worked for 30+ years. It also worked with first husband. It is the only way to go.

AmandaLY17

We have joint accounts and use a cash budget. All monies that are not paid through my bank account are withdrawn (ie grocery budget, entertainment, clothing, blah blah blah) and put into envelopes. We spend our budget money from that. One of our catagories is money for me and money for him. At the begining of the pay period we get our money and choose to do with it whatever we wish (save it, spend it, give it away w.h.y). If we both go out for dinner together (or other activity) it comes from the entertainment budget though.

angievaughn

Those of you that have seperate bank accounts, do you have children? Who is responsible to that? We have a joint account and most of the money I spend is on our girls and what they need. He eats out at lunch, I don't. I pay all the bills, food shop and clothes shop for everyone. We don't fight about money however, I am in charge of most of it. He does make more. Just wondering.

tabinmaine

We have separate accounts but both connected through online banking. We make very comparable salaries. We take the bills owed that pay period and split them down the middle. We split groceries and pellets and anything for the kids. We transfer "half" back and forth all month long between our two accounts when one of us goes out and gets something like I mentioned above.

We each pay our own vehicle payments. We split our insurance since it's tied in with our house insurance.

Whatever we have left in our accounts we spend any way we like. If he wants a new rifle or I want a new hair straightener we don't consult one another.

When it comes to big purchases for the house , such as furniture, cruises, or a snowmobile....we discuss it and split it . He wanted a new camper last year, I said if you can afford the payment go out and get it.... so he did, I never make that payment, I put it in the category of our vehicle payments.....

considermac

I had a similar situation. I just got a separate account and told her about. Set up my paycheck to go into my new account. I gave her access to my personal account. I told her we have to try this or things will continue to get worse. Its much better now. Much much better.

Good luck

Edit for grammer

MyPsalm63

I second Dave Ramsey.....He is Wonderful

Timshel_

To me, part of marriage is common goals...and a lot fo give and take. Honestly, we've had very few arguements about money in the last 16 years. Everything else though....gah.

MrsPong

When hubby and I first got married we always faught about our budget and how much he would spend. (married 4 yrs now...)
I've let go a little and buy more of food (which he wanted...) and usually we will do an "allowance" so he can spend whatever he likes on random stuff. Depending on budget its usually like 50 bucks every 2 weeks or so. I use my "allowance" on tanning for my 1st two weeks and then I get my nails done the 2nd 2 weeks. So he will take out money to do whatever with.

Sometimes it can ease the tension of what exactly each of you are spending money on, also it will make you aware of how much your spending and can stop unnessary spending....because when your done with your money then your done.
Good luck

brian90

I have a joint account. I track everything. i know where the money is going. My wife will usually ask me if she can get so and so and we jsut work it out. I have not had a problem. Its all about communication.

Jaulen

We do like some other posters have said....

We have a joint account, portions of each of our paychecks go into the household joint account to cover household bills. We have it set up to auto pay our bills.

Our personal account are for us to spend as we want.
We trade off if we go out to eat, or do something as a family who pays for what, and we don't keep tabs on who spent how much from their personal account to go to the movies, the museum, or out to eat....it all washes out in the long term.

I might eye roll at some of hubs' purchases, and he probably has at mine too.



If you go allowance route, I'd suugest doing it as seperate accounts like you get a certain $ deposited into an account from you to spend from, or a card that draws from the joint account with a pre-planned spending limit. My dad is a horrible money manager, if he had his way he'd drain the joint account and go play poker or on a boat or something.....Mom had to finally take him off withdrawl access from the joint account and set him up with a pre-paid card for the month. Sometimes he's blown his 'fun' spending in the first week after getting it.....and no matter how much he *****es and moans, mom doesn't give him more $ to spend.

lilRicki

This is why I don't have a joint account with my spouse, we would kill eachother.

me either. we pay our own bills (phone, student loan, credit card) and then we deligate the rest. I pay for groceries, gas in my own vehicle, sports (we have a 10 year old), the child's clothes and hot dates if I'm the one that plans them. He pays vehicles, mortgage, utilities, his truck and all the insurance. The rest if his money is up to him. If i need a couple of bucks, I ask. He makes twice as much as I do, and he considers it a "collective" but no way am I joining our bank accounts.