Single and left out

kellyr730

I was just thinking about this earlier today... I was a divorced mom of 2 toddlers in 1991 and have stayed sinlge thru all these years, so I speak from experience and totally feel your pain.

Funny thing is, when I was in a relationship (and there have been several), my social life with my friends picked up, then would dwindle when I was without a guy in my life. Even when I was invited to "couples" events alone, I would feel like the fifth wheel, so avoided those scenarios after awhile. I even felt the cold shoulder from the married moms at soccer, school events, etc. One time, one of the "moms" told me that the others kept their distance because they didn't want me around their husbands. WHAT? I was very naive back then, therefore, shocked by that bit of news. (Trust me, I had absolutely no interest in their husbands). I kept busy with my kids sports and activities, and I traveled for work, so there wasn't much to have a social life anyway. When I did feel the need, I would put a party together, invite people out to see some live music or go to the movies, have some wine at my place...you get the picture.

Now, my kids are grown and have moved on and I am experiencing that second wave of being a single women in a married world. Besides my full-time job, I volunteer at an animal shelter (just adopted a dog), I'm training for a half-marathon, I'm taking classes.... I'm busy, so it's okay. I guess my advice to you is to focus on yourself, create your own life, and invite others in as you want. If your family and friends choose to be distant, they are the ones losing out.

It's funny you mentioned that - I actually complain to my ex (daughters' father) that none of the other moms at school events seem to wanna talk to me - I get the cold shoulder too but they are all more attractive than me (at least I think so) so I wouldn't think they are intimidated but maybe it's because I'm single and they just think I'm after their men anyway lol. I guess I should feel lucky that I have some freedom to do fun things and keep myself busy and social and shouldn't worry so much about "old" friends if they aren't wanting to keep in touch. I want to have your attitude eventually also - it sounds like you have a fulfilling life :-) Thank you for replying!

ctalimenti

I agree with the other responses but also:

Like attracts like. Couples mix with couples.

You could be intimidating to the women now that you've lost weight.

Let it be known that you are completely ok with being a single person at an event. You are in transition.

I would have no problem inviting you to a party.

The bigger the event, the less other couples would feel awkward inviting you. Like the other poster said, if you go out with a couple, who's the man going to socialize with? In every small group I've been in, the women usually gravitate toward the women, men toward men. So bigger gatherings should be fine for you.

That is true. I guess I just figure the people I've known my whole life and have been friends with for over a decade would still wanna be around but things change and I can't expect this to be any different for me. "If you can't change the people around you, change the people around you", right? :-)

You got it sister!

ladyrider55

I can so relate to this post! My married friends are too busy to get together with me & my friends that are dating, well I get the feeling they say "yeah come out & join us" are feeling obligated to invite me as a "single" when they're all "couples." It sucks so I just do a lot of things alone, watch "romantic movies" & think to myself, "yep, love happens to everyone else except me?!" That old saying is right though....."Life Is What You Make It" I'm Happy with my life! :glasses: :ohwell: :blushing:

cwolfman13

As a married man, and a married man with kids to boot, I have to say that it is hard sometimes to include our single/childless friends in activities. We try our best to make sure we both take some time to have guys night and girls night, but those opportunities are about once per month if we're lucky, and we can usually only manage a few hours tops as we have other commitments and responsibilities to tend to. I can't tell you how many times I've just been out with the guys and I get the, "c'mon man....you're going home already...what are you whipped or something?'..."Uhhhh actually, I'm married and have two babies at home."

It can be difficult to include our single and childless friend sometimes because there is so much that we no longer have in common...and so many things that we do that I would think not be all that interesting to our single friends. I personally can't imagine calling up one of my single, childless buddies and asking, "hey...want to go to the zoo...they're having a free giraffe feeding today, kids are going to love it." We make an effort at times to have them over to the house to hang out, but even that gets weird...they want to talk about this or that, meanwhile our toddler is interrupting or the baby needs a diaper change...oh, and by the way you guys need to bail around 9PM so we can hit the sack because the baby is going to be up every 2 hours starting.....now.

It's not so much that I don't love my single and childless friends....i do (and often I am jealous of their freedom)...but at this point, our lives are worlds apart and they can't even fathom what my day to day is...it doesn't leave us a whole lot of things to really talk about sometimes.