sometimes at night..

scm1991

when im laying in my bed thinking about all the bad choices i made that day - regardless of being under my calorie goal or not - i feel my stomach... through my fat i mean. like i can feel my hipbones and my ribcage and i can feel those beautiful curves of muscle underneath all this... blubber... and it makes me wish i could just unzip this fat suit ive been wearing ALL my life.
i remember the day i sat in my bathroom crying because i was 13 and wearing a size 16 jeans and a girl snatched my pants while we were changing in gym and announced that horrible number to all of the girls in the locker room.

=[

orangeyellowkayak

I'm sorry that happen to you . I am so glad that you are working at getting that fat suit off. you can do this.

trophywife24

You'll get there, you honestly will. I used to do the same exact thing. Now I lay in bed and feel my hip bones, collar bones, all of these 'weird' muscles that I never knew I had. It's a lot of work.. a lot of HARD work.. especially mentally.. but you'll get there.

KristysLosing

Ahh...people are wonderful. NOT. Gladly, you are in the right place. I lay in bed and feel where my body should be too. But you know...we're here doing something about it. So we should be doing more of a "I'll be seeing you soon and showing up those b*tches from school" and no more feeling sad for ourselves. We came here to take the bull by the horns. It's not easy, but no one promised it would be!!

cole_ashleyy

ohmygoshh sweetie!! im SO sorry that happened to you in school! thats terrible!! but youre a better person than that girl, just keep that in mind.
dont do anything drastic- remember you have to keep your body healthy so it can do good things for you.
i totally understand what you mean about feeling your stomach though... i do the same thing ALL the time. i actually sleep with a teddy bear everynight... legit NEED him to fall asleep now (i dont care that im 23)... but i noticed hugging him helps keep my hands from wandering... even a pillow may help... but if you really would feel better with a flat tummy, stick to eating right (protein is great, obviously... protein deficincies lead to that belly pooch) and make sure youre doing your corework properly- think of bringing your bellybutton to your spine. and with a healthy diet and moderate exercise... youll meet your goals
try to focus on the POSITIVE progress yovue made so far and keep track of all your small victories and accomplishments.

eggsmilkbread

I ALSO lay in bed and sometimes while standing poke around at my ribcage, hipbones and collarbone. They just feel.. I don't know, sexy. :embarassed:

Anyway, you just have to forget about what that girl did, kids are terrible beings to eachother(most of the time.) You need to look forward! I know that you can take that fatsuit off! Feel free to add me. :blushing:

UKMarjie

when im laying in my bed thinking about all the bad choices i made that day - regardless of being under my calorie goal or not - i feel my stomach... through my fat i mean. like i can feel my hipbones and my ribcage and i can feel those beautiful curves of muscle underneath all this... blubber... and it makes me wish i could just unzip this fat suit ive been wearing ALL my life.
i remember the day i sat in my bathroom crying because i was 13 and wearing a size 16 jeans and a girl snatched my pants while we were changing in gym and announced that horrible number to all of the girls in the locker room.

=[

Wow. This makes me sad. Looking at your face I see something totally different to what you see - obviously. I want to tell you that you are beautiful and that you are making the right choices every day that you are working on figuring them out. I think that this is a process and learning about food/nutrition/healthy eating is not something that is easy in North American culture and that you, and everyone who struggles and is working on it on here, is swimming against the tide (more like a tidal wave) which beats us back with misinformation and masses and masses of irresponsible marketing.

It makes me sick to think that anyone could be so cruel to someone as to try to humiliate them at such a fragile age. Take that memory and turn it into something else - anger for motivation and fire in the belly so that you can be an example to someone else when they need it! Although I was never heavy as a teen, I was bullied because of my name (Marj - as in large Marj, or 'the lesbian' <not that there is anything wrong with being gay, but when you are just exploring your own sexuality and trying to figure out what feminine means to you it is hard to have people defining you as something you aren't) and because I liked to dress different. I know how hard it is to find your way and your place after that.

You are not failing if you are making a variety of choices and still staying within your calorie limits. This is a lifestyle change and it is a huge undertaking - you didn't gain the weight in a day so undoing it won't be an overnight thing either. Over the process of this you will learn how you can still participate in some of the less-than-healthy ones moderately and how you may decide some of them are no longer for you. You will find a better place and a better way for you. Maybe another thing you will find is a bit of love for yourself (with the help from some virtual friends). I wish you all the luck, contentment, healing and love you deserve.